Sumedha asks: There’s a guy whom I really like, but haven’t told him yet. In fact, like might not be the right word… it’s more than that I guess… and I know it sounds really silly but I cant really help it! And its difficult to understand him – sometimes he’s just too flirty and sometimes I think he’s dating someone else. One of my friends, who used to like the same guy, has even told him. He tried to handle the situation and said no, and then he stopped talking to her as much he used to do before. So now I’m afraid that the same thing could happen to me. If I don’t see him a single day I go mad; and I don’t know what to do. 🙁
Oh Sumedha –
I have so many questions on this website about crushes and how to talk to shy guys and all that kind of stuff, and I think it’d be great for you to look those up (just go onto the site and put words like “crush,” “shy,” or “like boy” into the Search box, and see what comes up).
But besides what all those say, this is a tough situation! If I’m understanding you right, your friend told this guy you like him, and he said he wasn’t interested in you and stopped talking to her?! But at the same time he’s really flirty with you?!
Well, my initial reaction is that he’s kinda nuts! But that doesn’t really help your case, does it?
So here’s my thought. You’ve got to talk with him. You don’t have to tell him how you feel, necessarily, but you’ve got to get a sense of whether he likes you at all. You could even (this takes courage) ask him why he’s not talking to your friend as much as he used to. Now he may well try to act silly again, but if so, you can be a bit more serious. Tell him it matters to you, that you care about her, and you want to find out what’s wrong.
If he ignores you, or laughs off your feelings, then the truth is that he’s probably not good boyfriend material. And I’d suggest that you take the hurt of that now, rather than the far bigger hurt that could come later if you actually got involved with him.
But if he doesn’t – if he really talks with you, honors your friendship with her, and treats you with friendship and value – then you have something to base something on. THEN maybe you can flirt a little back at him, or even ask him why he hasn’t asked you out yet!
But I do want to emphasize, no matter how attractive he is, if he’s not going to treat you well, find someone else. It’s his loss!