Category Archives for "Teens"

0 Should one get back together with an ex they dislike but are drawn to?

lovelyme asks: My ex and I didn’t talk for a long time. Now that we have just started talking, he’s driving me crazy (in a good way). I think I’m falling for him just a tiny bit. The sad part is that I don’t like him at all! My mind says, “Don’t you fall for that again!” But then my heart says “maybe or maybe not!” I really don’t know what to do!

Hi lovelyme –

I assume you already realize this, but your situation sounds like about ten thousand romantic comedies – you hate the boy but you just can’t get over him.  I don’t have an easy answer (unless he’s Clark Gable and you’re Claudette Continue reading

2 What to do when a teen falls in love with their step-parent

a soft breeze asks: A stepfather is good to his wife’s children, so much so that one of the wife’s daughters (teen,15) fell in love with him and wants to marry him. She is jealous of her mother. He is very upset. He tried to show to her that his relationship is that of a father. But she cannot control her feelings. He threatened her that he will not see her anymore, that she could stay in her father’s house and not come back to his house, or he will come to his house only when she’s not there. She sent him a letter saying that if he quits from her life she will commit suicide. He’s confused. What should he do?

Hi a soft breeze –

This is an absolutely horrible situation!  It sounds miserable for him, for her, and I’m sure it’s just terrible for her mother and father.  While it’s great for stepchildren to love their stepparents, this is a strange and terribly twisted version of that.

I like and respect that he is working so hard to set boundaries with her.  He’s absolutely right to do that.  But there is one further thing that’s necessary – and I mean necessary, not “it’d be a nice idea.”  He, his wife, and her daughter, must Continue reading

0 How to get your parent to agree to transferring to a different school

kym asks: How can I approach my mom to transfer me into another school?

Hi kym –

You might have seen already that I’m a huge fan of formal conversations.  In other words, I’ve seen tons of disasters when a kid or teen tries to casually, spontaneously, bring up big issues.  Like when their mom is uptight in a traffic jam, trying to get them to school on time, even though they got out of the house fifteen minutes late because the youngster didn’t get up when they were supposed to, and the kid says, “I think it’s unfair that I’m supposed to be home by ten o’clock, because I want to go to a party with some new friends this weekend and it’s all the way on the other side of town and no one’s going to want to leave before eleven because the college kids don’t come by with the beer before ten!”  Mom is not going to do well with that!

On the other hand, if you walk up to your mom and say Continue reading

0 How to deal with attraction to someone else when you’re in a relationship

Athny asks: I feel attracted to my next-door locker neighbor. There are two problems with this: I already have a girlfriend, and my locker neighbor is a guy, like me. He and I also have the same interests. What do I do?

Hi Athny –

You are absolutely right that you have two issues here, and they really are totally separate.  So I’ll take them on separately, as well.

First, the girlfriend:  It’s of course very normal to be involved with someone and find yourself attracted to someone else.  This can happen in a very happy and committed marriage, as well as in a dating relationship like yours.  The question comes to how you feel about this attraction.  If being attracted to someone meant your relationship had to end, George Clooney and Scarlett Johansson would be responsible for hundreds of Continue reading

0 How to confront cyber-bullying

fro-yo asks: There is this face chat thing on my iPod, and I logged on today, and got a friend request from someone with my account name. She told all my friends it was me, and started writing statuses saying stuff about me that isn’t true! I don’t know who she is, but I’m so embarrassed, and I’m afraid to go to school. All my friends will be there and they might have seen it!

Hi fro-yo –

My friend, you are the victim of what’s known as cyber-bullying.  This is a modern, high-technology, version of something that’s been done for millennia.  This person is lying, spreading false rumors about you, and working very hard to make you miserable.  Not only that, but the fact that they tried to ‘friend’ you means they definitely want you to know they’re doing it.

This stinks.  It’s cruel, it’s malicious, and most of all, it’s cowardly.

You see, this is where I have to say, we dogs are way better than people.  See, if I want to pick on a dog, I walk right up into her and Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent living far away

Olivia asks: My parents are still married, but my dad’s moved to Toronto. How should I deal with that?

Hi Olivia –

The tough part about your question is that it’s probably your parents who really need to answer it.

I’ve known some couples who are really happier living apart.  They meet up on vacations, and are as happy to see each other then as Handsome and I are every day (Why, oh why can’t more human couples feel that same way?!  I’ll never understand!!).  Or maybe they even meet every weekend.  But they know that if they lived together full-time, it wouldn’t be as good for their marriage.  They really need their space.

Then on the other hand, there are of course lots of couples who are kept separate because of things they have no control over.  One’s job makes them move to another city while the other one’s job keeps them there.  Or one is in the military and is sent away, or it could even be that one’s in jail.  Any of these are absolutely difficult, and it’s really tough for them the whole time.

But regardless of what the reasons are, or how your parents feel about it, you’re asking about Continue reading

1 What is a Pack?

sandy9932 asks: What is a pack?

Hi sandy9932 –

A pack, in general, is any group or bundle of things, usually contained.  A pack of matches, a backpack, etc.

But when it comes to animals, “Pack” is a reference to a group of certain sorts of beasts.  If you have a group of fish, it’s called a “school;” birds are called a “flock;” but coyotes, wolves, and dogs, when they collect, form a Pack.

In nature, packs are very powerful things.  Wolves hunt in packs so they can attack animals far Continue reading

0 How to fix a friendship that ended because one asked the other out

ebrooke asks: I asked a boy who was my best friend out and he said no. Now I’m really embarrassed and I don’t know what to do. I also feel like I’m losing him as a friend, because we haven’t spoken to each other much since I asked him out. That was about 6 weeks ago. I’m really hoping you can help because it hasn’t been working out for me with those other advice websites.

Hi ebrooke –

Of course I don’t know the actual details, but I’m going to make a guess about your situation.  This boy was your best friend.  He probably felt pressured when you asked him out.  He knew that he was facing losing his best friend when you did that.  He also probably thinks he really hurt your feelings by saying no.

And I’m guessing that, because of that, he’s trying to give you space now.  To not hurt you more.

What it sounds like he’s missing is that your feelings are far more hurt by his giving you that space than by the actual Continue reading

0 How to deal with drama between friends

Tessa asks: Two of my friends ( a and b ) wanted to do a social studies project with my other friend ( c ). They agreed to flip a coin, because it seemed fair enough, and my friend ( a ) lost. She got very upset and left the chat (we were video chatting), and started messaging me saying she hates her life, cursing about it, and saying she’s happy that she’ll soon be moving away. Now she’s happy again. But my friend ( b) was sorry, because I wanted to do the project with her, so she said we could maybe do it as a triplet ( me b and c). So I told my friend ( c) the next day, and she said we had to tell my friend ( a ) that we were thinking about it, and we had to ask her if it would be okay. I told my other friend about it and she said ok. We were all scared because my friend ( a ) is very sensitive. When we told her she started crying hysterically. We didn’t say it was definite, but she tried to twist our words to make it look that way. Now my friend (c) wants to stay with her, and me and my friend ( b) are feeling left out! My friend (b) is crying, my other friends don’t care, and I’m in the middle. All of the sudden she is happy and our friend again, but she said she wouldn’t talk to us for a week. I don’t know, because she is spoiled, and if she doesn’t get what she wants she gets upset and waits for whoever upset her to forgive her even though she did something. I don’t think she is a good friend – really torturing her own friend and not caring. Should I forgive her or talk to her? I don’t know if it will make it worse.

Hi tessa –

Okay, I just have to say, this is just about the most complicated situation I’ve ever heard in my life.  I’ve had to read your question over a few times, and even though you tried really hard to make everything clear, I’m still confused at a few points.

But I’m very sure about one thing:  Your friends like DRAMA!  Lots and lots and lots of Drama!

My goodness, we’re talking about a Social Studies project here, not the senior prom!  Sure, everyone wants to feel wanted, but these girls need to develop a sense of perspective.

You are, like me, a good-hearted soul, who wants to please Continue reading

0 How to fend off bullies who insult your better qualities

ebrooke asks: I am in high school. A big group of bullies say mean things behind my back. I don’t know why but I think it’s because a) I look anorexic (I’m not); b) I sound American and people say mean things about that; c) I am friends with all the boys except the mean ones; and d) I have good grades (I don’t think that’s bad though). One day they called me and my friends nerds and a called them a mean thing back and then they kept on saying mean things and so did I. I feel guilty and if I say anything, they won’t stop and they can tell on me too. What can I do?

Hi ebrooke –

Okay, first of all, I have a couple of pieces on Bullying, on this site.  Just go to the Search Box on your right, and type in Bullying or Bullies – you should find them.

But then I want to point something out to you about bullies.  The best of them, the really talented ones, are brilliant at making people feel bad about themselves, even for their best qualities.  Said with enough scorn, “You’re a beautiful genius” can be an insult!  You have here listed four things that these jerks insult you for – and not one of them is a Continue reading