Category Archives for "Teens"

0 How to do what you love when you feel judged.

DogLover101 asks: When I was really young, in junior infants (1st grade), I wanted to become an artist. But then halfway through 2nd class, I realized that I couldn’t actually draw, paint, or sculpt like real artists do. One of the reasons that I realized that was because this classmate of mine, who HATES my guts, J, is the class’ best artist – and let me tell you he knows, like he really truly knows… He brags about it, but since I hate him I try to have as little eye contact with him as possible. So after that I decided that I wanted to be a Vet because I really loved animals – and of course my mom was happy with this decision because it meant that I would go to College. My excuse throughout the 4 years was that I wanted to be a Vet, but I really didn’t want to go to College to be something I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy coming to Every. Single. Day. But then after the beautiful Christmas of 2015 my mom bought me…An Art set! It is so professional and the supplies don’t suck… It’s perfect! Of course I tried it out and I love it! Now every time I paint I feel like time stops and it’s just me, my creativity, and my brush. I put all of my paintings up even if they’re not my best work. There’s also this girl K in my class, who follows me and my friends around and tries to fit in. She’s SO annoying; in fact our teacher brought all of the girls in my class up to her desk and said to try to be friends with her. WOAH no! What teacher does that? Anyway she’s also good at Art and surely brags about it as well. And then there’s me…. No one knows that painting is my getaway, nor that it’s my hobby again. They all still think I want to be a Vet. So how do I do this? How do I let people know that I actually am the Art type and kind of be known for it (not in a braggy way)? I’m pretty sure if J and K find out then J will judge me and say I suck while K will either ignore the topic or say it’s good (Too good…). They can draw, but I’m more of a painter and my class does these challenges (for fun) where two people draw against each other, and if I’m challenged to an Art-off, I’m pretty sure I’ll lose and he’ll rub it in my face for the whole year!

Hi Doglover101 –

As you can probably guess, I have a lot to say on this.

First of all, about this girl.  I’m actually on your teacher’s side on this one.  You know, when I was a puppy, I was the most annoying being in the whole world.  Big dogs snapped at me, humans kicked me away, and even Handsome would throw me outdoors for being too much of a pain.  It’s not that I was mean; it’s just that I was so friendly and playful, and so eager for acceptance from everyone, that I did a lousy job of every interaction (or, as Handsome likes to say, “It’s sure a good thing you were so cute then!  That’s the only reason you’re even alive today!”).

I understand she’s annoying, but I’d say to see if there’s a part of her you like.  And if so, befriend that part of her and help her feel more accepted in the class, and see if her annoying parts go away.  (And if they don’t, then you can of course give up on her!).

Then about your thoughts about college.  Even if you become an artist, I really encourage you to consider it.  Even if you take some time off before you go.  It just makes life so much easier for humans these days; and art is a very difficult profession to depend on.  So I’d say to strongly consider pleasing your mom and going to college – even if you end up specializing in Art!  At least you’ll have that achieved.

Okay, now about your art and these other kids.  This will be your future, in any creative endeavor.  There are always self-professed experts in every field.  There are always hangers-on.  There are always others who will tell you you can’t do what you’re trying.

After all, can you imagine what other dogs told me when I said I wanted to do this website?!

So here’s my advice on this.  First of all, Continue reading

0 How to handle a relative with bad manners

jeff asks: I have family in town for the holidays. Everything is going well for the most part, the usual drama. However, my sister who is 43 now does not close the door when she uses the bathroom or wash her hands when she is done. My kids ages 13 & 15 are appalled. I don’t know how to approach my sister without upsetting her. She’s been through a lot the last few years, but this issue MUST be addressed.

Hi Jeff –

I have a GREAT suggestion, but it’s probably too late – which is to get a dog.  We pups absolutely LOVE sniffing around humans when you’re making interesting smells, and your sister would most likely get pretty annoyed by us doing that, and so shut the door!

But if that’s not a possibility, I’d say that the problem here is your Continue reading

4 How to keep yourself from hoarding

Deb asks: I live with my mom (age 89, but very healthy). We have three bedrooms. One is now a den for 39 years. It used to be my sisters room before she married in 1976. The master bedroom is my mom’s (dad died 31 years ago). My room is in the middle. All my clothes are from the 99 cent store. However, in 2007 I went overboard with buying tons of clothes from the 99 cent store and I had to use the closet in the den for many of my clothes in addition to my bedroom closet and dresser draws. Then in December 2014 and January 2015 I got a hold of myself and gave away 60 bags of clothes and now I have perfect amount. All my clothes are now just in my bedroom closet and my dresser draws and I love it. However, here is what I am OCD’ing about: First let me tell you we have four closets altogether – The closet in the den, my closet, my mom’s closet and the coat closet. What I am OCD’ing about is that I will be compelled to use the other closets for my clothes when my mom is no longer here and I am the only one living in the apt. I don’t want to feel compelled to use the other closets for my clothes. I just want to keep my clothes in my bedroom closet and dresser draws forever. Keep in mind when she is no longer here I will have to give her clothes away and two out of the three closets will have nothing hanging on its rails the rails will be empty.

Hi Deb –

I’m sure some people would read this letter and say “Oh, Deb’s a hoarder!”  But speaking as a hoarder myself (of toys, old bones, and other things I don’t want anyone else touching), I fully relate.

In terms of a solution to your self-control problems, I could go with the easy ones like, “Well, move to a smaller place,” or “Put other things in those closets, like bones or dog toys!”

But I think there’s a much tougher issue here.  Which is the way you’re Continue reading

0 How much texting is right in a relationship

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for a month now and it’s great but during the weekday I don’t really get to talk to him which isn’t too much of a problem because I know being in high school keeps you quite busy because I’m in it as well. The problem is that I end up texting him first and I may not hear from him for a couple of days and I don’t want to feel like an annoying girlfriend by constantly texting him and the only way I feel like that can be solved is if he texts me first so I know when he’s too busy to talk and when he is available but how can I express that to him?

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BOYFRIEND!!!  I love that someone else appreciates your prettiness and sweetness the way I do!

But as to your question –

This stuff is hard.  The closest I have in my life to what you’re describing is when Handsome has guests come over, and I know I’m not supposed to jump on them, but I want to – and I don’t want them to think I’m not eager to play with them, because I’m dying to – so I’m stuck trying to balance what I want with what they want and what they don’t want, and it’s all in my own head so I don’t even know if I’m right to worry and…  oh it’s hurting my little brain just to think about it!

The situation you’re describing, I find, is at its worst at earlier stages in relationships.  You at least know each other is your boyfriend/girlfriend.  But I hear so many humans worrying about when it’s cool to text or call, and when seems desperate, or cold, or…

We dogs NEVER have that issue with each other.  It’s so simple with us – if I see a dog and I want to sniff or play with them, I go right up to them.  If they don’t want me around, they’ll growl or snap at me, and I get the message and all’s fine.  If they do, we’ll figure out what the other likes to do, and have some fun.

But you humans make everything so complicated!  Are you “annoying” or “clingy” or “demanding,” and is he “distant,” “uncaring,” or “uninterested?”  And what makes it worst is that you’re all doing guesswork – no one’s telling the other what they actually want or need!

So I’ll admit I know nothing about coolness – dogs are all about warmth – but my suggestion is that you Continue reading

0 How to adjust to a changing friendship

LovelyMe asks: I am really exhausted. I’m currently in college and it’s so much work. On top of that, I’ve been having issues lately with my best friend – that I feel like I can’t really call my best friend. I feel like she gets around other people and acts totally different, and that’s not the person I’m used to. Also, she’s really judgmental and that affects me sometimes. I feel like sometimes I can’t be myself, because our beliefs aren’t the same. What really hurt me was the fact that her mom said she didn’t want her to hang around me because I had a girlfriend; it kind of offended me because I’m not gonna make her daughter like girls – this isn’t an contagious disease! Minus that, I feel like the person I’m with is cheating on me because our conversation has become really distant since I went off to college. We’re always arguing and we barely call each other. I feel like I’m not getting any attention while I’m away. I love her so much and I can’t see myself without her. I’m just so exhausted because I feel like I’m going through obstacles in a game, just to prove who I am to people, and being rejected again. Please help me because I have no clue what to do.

Hi LovelyMe –

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But as awful as it is – it’s very normal. Kids have friendships that are inseparable… until they separate. Suddenly, their views and desires for what kinds of adults they want to be send them in different directions. And nothing’s ever quite the same.

It seems like you two are right in that transition now. When you and she are alone, it’s like it used to be, but when other people are around, she acts completely different. And when you’re away at college, conversation is distant, and you feel ignored. Then you have that other element, that her mother is intolerant of your sexuality, which makes things tough for both of you.

There’s no really great solution to this. But my best suggestion is to Continue reading

0 Committing too fast in a relationship

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Unfortunately things didn’t work out with the last guy I was talking to. A lot of it came from lack of communication and not talking everyday like we used to. Your advice about my last question helped me decide to just let go of the relationship and I’m glad I did because I’ve had time to focus on myself. I’m doing amazing in school and I’m just happy with life in general, but after a while it gets boring being lonely — so I started talking to a guy I met online (he’s 100% who he says he is so I’m not being fooled). But he lives about 2 hours from me, so our only communication is through our phones for now. He’s so sweet and even says he sees me as someone who he would spend the rest of his life with. It’s been 2 weeks but I feel like we’re drifting apart and I’m having 2nd thoughts, but I can’t afford to be hurt again and I’m stuck.

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I’m sorry your last relationship didn’t work out, and glad you’ve found someone exciting.  It’s great that you’re talking on the phone, and I hope it stays fun.  But I certainly understand your fear.

And here’s my big thought on it.  You guys jumped a step.  Or rather, you jumped about twenty!  And because you jumped them, everything got messed up.

There’s nothing wrong with the way it started.  You liked each other’s pictures, and you liked what each wrote, and so you started chatting online. And as you kept liking what the other said, you started talking on the phone.  Lovely.  And then he said he might like to spend the rest of his life with you and…

WHAT?!

My friend, there are two things that can really wash out the spark of a relationship.  One is someone being mean or cruel or false.  And the other is someone Continue reading

0 What to do when a parent compliments other kids.

MartyK asks: I’ve been blessed with a nice face according to society. And I was content with it. But today my mom was praising one of my friend’s good looks. To my mom, she’s perfect. I won’t lie. It hurt me. I don’t know why it did. I was insecure about myself for a long time but I was content. I know I’m good-looking but the way my mom talks about her, I don’t think she’ll ever talk about me like that. She says my friend has the potential of modeling and that she has a nice body and skin and hair and has a smart face. I just wish she’d sometimes call me pretty or talk about me like that. After all, I am her daughter. And to me, my mom’s opinion matters a lot. What is your opinion?

Hi MartyK –

Well, as you know, I don’t have a great sense of who’s good-looking or not; I just react to how I see people act. The most attractive human in the world to me, of course, is the one I call Handsome, and I don’t even know what you humans would think of his looks. I’m just crazy about everything about him, and don’t think about it past that. So as far as your looks go, if I met you I’d be absolutely thrilled – but I wouldn’t be able to tell you whether you belong on the cover of Vogue or not. Just not the way a doggy brain works.

But boy do I relate to your question! I’ll be walking along with Handsome, perfectly happy, and he’ll see some scruffy puppy with one ear sticking out, and say “That is the cutest puppy I’ve ever seen!” And I’m just heartsick! I thought I had been the cutest puppy he’d ever seen! What’s going on?!

I think there are three possibilities. And it could be one of them, or two, or all three.

First, sometimes our parents (or human companions) are a little Continue reading

0 Why do people suddenly drop out of text conversations?

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Sometimes when I’m texting certain people (boys specifically), we’ll text for a good bit and then suddenly they don’t respond for more than a day. I understand people have lives and things going on but I get worried and feel the need to keep texting. I know a lot of that comes from my attachment issues but my question is when is it just time to say forget it and give up on them?

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I have a lot of problems with texts. And here’s my biggest one:  we dogs don’t understand most of the words you humans say to us – we grasp a few (sit, stay, come, maybe walk or squirrel) but at the same time we do a great job of understanding what you’re expressing to us.  How?  By the tones in your voices.

You might say to me the words “Hey you goofy dog.”  What do they mean?  Perhaps you’re saying how lovable you find my nose.  Or to get out of the trash can.  Or that you’re furious that I chewed up the couch.  Or that last night my love was the one thing that kept you from hating yourself, and you appreciate me more than ever before.

Your words don’t mean a thing.  It’s all about how you say it.

And texts never have tones!  They might try to make up for it with CAPITALIZING or with emoticons ;-), but even those don’t carry the same subtle nuance (big words for a pooch, I know!) that tone does.

So while I understand why texts are convenient, I really prefer direct speech – even over a telephone.

Which leads to my answer… of course, prettyndsweet12, I have Continue reading

0 How to contact a friend long after you should have

Sarah asks: Since I started college I’ve drifted away from my number one supporter – my high school counselor. She supported me throughout high school when I had issues at home with my mom, and she was one of my main supporters when I ran for two pageants. I feel so ungrateful for not keeping her up-to-date with what is going on in college or even calling her to talk about my problems. I remember her telling me don’t take forever to call and talk to her because she’ll get mad – and I did the complete opposite by not calling her at all. I feel so bad. I really want to talk to her but I feel as though she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I need her support right now and I need her to guide me with what I am dealing with in college. How can I gain back that bond with her?

Hi Sarah –

What a great question this is.  I have an answer for you, but first I want to tell you a joke that was very popular a few years ago.  The question was how to tell if your marriage is better than your relationship with your dog.  The answer was to lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours, and when you open it, see which one’s happy to see you.

Of course, the dog will be overjoyed.  Why?  Because he’s not thinking about how awful you were to lock him in there, he’s just so happy to get out and see his best friend.  While your wife, who has a bigger brain, is only thinking about what a jerk you were to lock her in there.

Now I’m not suggesting that your counselor has the same size brain I do, but there is a certain similarity here.

It’s all about Continue reading

2 Why a person feels numb

Wooff asks: All my actions are based on what the worst is going to happen if I don’t do it. For example, if I don’t do this for my mom, I’ll regret it when she dies. My every action is based on death. I should have fun now so that I don’t regret my life when I die or before I die. Is this good thinking? If not, how do I change it? I think I’m asking you this because this isn’t normal thinking. Also, I’ve observed I’m emotionally numb most of the time. I think I’ve trained myself to feel this way. I got hurt by several persons two years ago. Shouldn’t I be okay after all this time? What do you think? How is it possible I can’t like someone?

Hi Wooff –

I’m not a psychotherapist, but my human friend Handsome is, and he says you sound a lot like you’re a victim of trauma.

There’s nothing particularly wrong with basing your actions on pessimism. All sorts of committees depend on someone being in the room who looks at the worst-case-scenarios (to balance discussions against crazy optimists like me!). In the world of investment, people like that are called Bears – they predict markets will go down, and invest accordingly, and so do well when all the optimistic “Bulls” are losing their shirts.

And I’d far rather have you thinking you want to have fun before you die, rather than not care about what you do. (You might even have some sort of psychic gift that you won’t live as long as some others. The great composer George Gershwin thought the way you do, obsessively, and that actually helped him complete his amazing output of music before he fell ill and died at the age of 38. On the other hand, the more recent songwriter Bob Dylan seems to have had the same obsession all his life, and he’s doing just fine at 74!)

What concerns me more is the numbness you report, and how you connect it with some bad things that happened to you. Numbness is a common reaction to a horrible Continue reading