Prettyndsweet12 asks: Sometimes when I’m texting certain people (boys specifically), we’ll text for a good bit and then suddenly they don’t respond for more than a day. I understand people have lives and things going on but I get worried and feel the need to keep texting. I know a lot of that comes from my attachment issues but my question is when is it just time to say forget it and give up on them?
Hi Prettyndsweet12 –
I have a lot of problems with texts. And here’s my biggest one: we dogs don’t understand most of the words you humans say to us – we grasp a few (sit, stay, come, maybe walk or squirrel) but at the same time we do a great job of understanding what you’re expressing to us. How? By the tones in your voices.
You might say to me the words “Hey you goofy dog.” What do they mean? Perhaps you’re saying how lovable you find my nose. Or to get out of the trash can. Or that you’re furious that I chewed up the couch. Or that last night my love was the one thing that kept you from hating yourself, and you appreciate me more than ever before.
Your words don’t mean a thing. It’s all about how you say it.
And texts never have tones! They might try to make up for it with CAPITALIZING or with emoticons ;-), but even those don’t carry the same subtle nuance (big words for a pooch, I know!) that tone does.
So while I understand why texts are convenient, I really prefer direct speech – even over a telephone.
Which leads to my answer… of course, prettyndsweet12, I have absolutely no idea why these dopey boys didn’t get back to you. Did you say something that bothered them? Did their phones just run out of battery power? Did their mothers yell at them, “PUT THAT PHONE DOWN BEFORE I THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW AND YOU WITH IT!” (See there’s a case where the capitalization really does show the tone!)
I have no idea. Teenagers are notoriously forgetful, and if something distracted someone from your conversation, it’s very possible they simply forgot about it. Not that they necessarily don’t care about you, but just that they forgot about where they were in the exchange. (I know the feeling. A couple of times, Handsome has been training me and told me to “Sit” and “Stay,” and then gotten distracted while I tried to remain perfectly still. He didn’t forget that he loved me, but he did forget about what he’d told me to do!)
So my suggestion is to ignore them. In both senses. First, ignore that these folks didn’t get back to you. Assume they just forgot and it doesn’t mean anything.
But also, ignore them a little. Because if they keep doing it, then either you don’t matter enough to them, or they’re so airheaded that you can’t count on them at all. (When I say Handsome’s forgotten about me a couple of times, that’s in comparison to the thousands of times he’s treated me with care and attention; I know very well how he feels about me!)
And sometimes, as I’m sure you know, if you react to someone’s indifference by ignoring them, suddenly you’ll become a lot more interesting to them! And then it’ll be them wondering why you haven’t responded to their question.
And if that’s the case, then you get to have some fun!
So relax, know that you’re great, and see these guys for what they are. And all will be fine.
But I’ll say again, when you do get the chance, have an actual conversation with them. You’ll be able to figure out so much more if you can hear!