Category Archives for "School"

0 What to do when your social world falls apart

princess23 asks: Lately I’ve been having some problems with some friends; I want to fix things but don’t know how. I started having some problems with my sister, and thought it was she who was the problem maker but then I actually realized it was my friends, they were even backstabbing my sister in my face and in my opinion that’s not what a friend is supposed to do so I started defending her. Then my sister had a problem with her friend, and at the same time my friend made a huge deal of a really small problem (by the way we were all friends). But I decided to step away from my “friends.” I realized that they were really bossy and treated me and the others as if we were their property. Now everyone thinks we’re fighting and that there’s DRAMA going on. I’ve been hanging out with my guy friends since I don’t have many girlfriends in the neighborhood, but my “friends” brought my guy friends into the drama, I don’t really want to give this thing any importance, not even to my “friends,” but the guys say we should talk to the other girls and fix the problem. But I’m afraid of doing it because I know I can get kinda loud and I know I have a temper (I’ve learned to control it but sometimes it gets out of hand!). What should I do? Should I go talk to these girls? I don’t really wanna be friends with them after realizing the kind of people they are! I mean, why are we girls so dramatic, and make a big deal of something meaningless? Why can’t we be like guys who get in a fight and 20 minutes later they’re all good, like if nothing happened? And is there something so wrong with not having girl friends in the neighborhood and just hanging out with guys?

Hi Princess23 –

It sounds very much to me like you’re going through a “Mean Girls” phase, where your group of friends is working very hard to try to control you, your sister, and everyone else.  And it sounds like you and your sister are doing an excellent job of avoiding all this.

Of course, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hanging out with the guys (as long as you don’t let them define you any more than you let the girls do).  I also think you’ll find that most of those girls will grow out of this phase, and will become women you really enjoy being around.  You might, like most women, eventually begin to feel that it’s females who’ve got a better handle on self-control, and males who don’t (after all, it’s usually men who start wars, for example).  But for now, you and your sister are doing a great job of sticking with the people who are treating you right, and that’s very very smart.  I think it’ll be good for you to keep an eye on those girls, though – so that, once any of them become as individualistic as you, and aren’t controlled by the group, those can be the ones you talk to, and become good girlfriends with them.  I understand why those boys want you to get along better with the girls, but they need to understand that you have your needs too.

Now, about that yelling and anger thing – I’m all for anger management (and have some postings about it on the website, if you want to check them out).  But sometimes people complain about us getting angry, because they don’t like our honest and appropriate response to their stupidity and abuse!  Reading over your letter, I see you’re pretty frantic, so I’m not sure it would be totally wrong for you to lose your temper at these “friends!”  So I think it makes sense for you to keep your distance for now (since they’d likely treat you badly for expressing your feelings), but at the same time, I think you should like that temper of yours – it’s that anger that will protect you at different times in your life.  Think of it as like my teeth:  If I show them, I can’t make friends; but I’m really glad to know that they’re there when I need ‘em!

I hope this helps, princess23.  And again, I’m really sorry you’re going through all this, and hope it passes as soon as possible.

Cheers,

Shirelle

0 Does a crush on a teacher of the same sex mean you’re homosexual?

Mandy asks: My problem is about me being in love with my science teacher. You see, she is wonderful and a great and amazing Hindi person; the thing is she is a married woman with twins. And it’s not the usual thing for a 15-year-old girl like me to be actually in love with a woman teacher! Am I a lesbian? I don’t think I am, because I still have interest in men. I am really bonded to her, I praise her, and yet the subject she teaches me is not my favorite (well I’m not good in it!). Shirelle, should I listen to my head which says to impress the woman (if you can’t be physically in love then just be mentally in love with her, but only in your mind so she won’t be disturbed by you), or should I listen to my heart, which says impress her in science so she’ll be fond of you, and get close once you’ve known that it’s ok. Or is it never okay? Have I gone nuts Shirelle?

Hi Mandy –

Of course, I have no way of knowing whether you’ll spend your life being attracted to women, men, or both.  But I can say that it’s very possible that you will mostly be attracted to men, and that this is a very innocent crush, something that will pass by after a year or so.  And if so, it’s actually very normal.  Much more so than you’d think.

As everyone knows, the teenage years are a time when humans’ hormones just go wild, and while most people tend to end up in a fairly centered place, the process of getting there is just loaded with blemishes, smells, aches, and – yes – attractions just going Continue reading

0 How to write a persuasive speech

Jhen asks: can you give me one or two minute persuasive speeches

Hi Jhen –

Thanks for your question about persuasive speeches.  Persuasive speeches are speeches that are intended to get the listener to do something.  When your schoolteacher gives you a big lecture on geography or math, that’s not a persuasive speech (even if they end it by saying “Do your homework!”).  A persuasive speech is one that truly wants to change your mind about what you’re going to do.  Advertisements are all persuasive (even the ones that seem to just be informative or funny).  Nearly all political speeches are persuasive – with all the action going on in the world today, our televisions and radios are loaded with it, from the yelling in the squares in Egypt and Syria to Mr. Cameron and the strikers in England arguing against each other, to Mr. Obama and all the people running against him for the presidency – everyone’s wanting the listener to agree with them and act accordingly.

So you want an example of a one-or-two-minute one?  Well here’s one I gave this morning:  “Hey, Cat!  This is my yard!  I’m shut inside this house, but if I can get out I’m going to jump on you so hard your tail will stick through your ears!  Get out!  I said Get Out!  Stop looking at me like you’re so smug and smart – I’ll wipe that grin off your face you rotten…”  You get the Continue reading

0 How to deal with a child’s stage fright

parents asks: My 6-year-old daughter is in grade one this year and she is really good in her studies. Now the school is having a spelling competition, and I want her to participate in it because she is a good speller, but she doesn’t want to do it. She told me she’d have to go up the stage alone and everyone would be watching her try to spell a word, and she’s too shy so she doesn’t want to do it. What worries me is why she is labelling herself as ‘shy.’ It is o.k if she doesn’t do it, but I am afraid that later in her life she might see herself as a shy and miss out on chances, whether in her study or her career. Can you tell me how to act in this kind of situation, what I should say and do? Do I have to push her to take the spelling quiz, or tell her it is o.k if you she’s not ready? For now, every time she tells me she’s shy, I tell her she’s not, and that everyone feels shy but they go ahead and do things. Is this right?

Hi Parents –

Thanks for your question about your daughter’s shyness.

If your daughter were older, I’d be giving her all sorts of suggestions, as I have to others here, on how to get comfortable with public speaking.  But a child of six really doesn’t need these skills yet.  What I want you to do, instead, is to work to build her self-esteem, so she’s able to confront her fears later on.

There’s even a really good chance that your daughter doesn’t really fear getting up in public, but hears other kids at school saying that they’re scared of it, and wants to fit in with them. That’s totally normal for this age, and not a bad thing at all.  If so, when she sees other kids get onto that stage, she’ll suddenly crave to do it herself, and your concerns will be all Continue reading

0 Kids’ need for free time

Soontobeloner asks: My mother doesn’t respect what I want to do. I go to a stage school, and I like it and all, but it’s ruining my life! I can’t go out with my friends, and if I keep this up I won’t have any friends at all! So what should I do?

Hi Soontobeloner –

I’m pretty confused here.  When you say you go to a “stage school,” I assume you mean a school of drama, dance, music, etc.  Many kids here will envy that you go to a school like that (as opposed to the ones they have that are all about math and history).  But then you say that you can’t go out with your friends.  And that’s where I’m confused.

Are you saying that your school keeps you so many hours that you can’t have any time with your friends?  Or that your mother is just insisting that you can’t go out with them in the free time that you do have?

Either way, this hits one of my pet peeves.  Kids and teenagers absolutely need time with their Continue reading

1 How to talk to others about a neurological condition

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have this condition called Myoclonus and it causes me to make these embarrassing jerking movements. Lots of people have been asking me questions about it, and I don’t know what to say. If I tell them what I have, then they will think I’m weird. Lots of people laugh and joke about me, and it makes me sad. I know it may help if I tell them, but at the same time it may make things worse for me. Please help me.

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Thank you so much for your letter.  I had never heard of Myoclonus before, and I’m glad to learn about it – though very sorry you’re suffering from it.  (For those readers who also don’t know about it, there’s a lot of good information at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myoclonus).

Of course I’m not a neurologist, so I can’t offer you any wisdom about the actual condition.  But as a loving dog, I can certainly offer you some ideas about the difficult situation it’s putting you through.

Most people are nice, sensitive, and kind.  Of course there are exceptions (there are lots of names for them: “Jerks” is one I use a lot, though “Ignoramuses” is perhaps more accurate), but I’m guessing that most of the people who are laughing probably don’t realize that they’re hurting you so much.  In fact, they might even think you’re just clowning around, when you’re actually just making movements you have no control over!

Because of this, the people who are suggesting that you tell people about the Myoclonus are probably right in most cases, but the tough part is figuring out when and how.  Do you introduce yourself, “Hi, my name is prettyndsweet12, and I have Myoclonus,” and then have to explain what it is?  Or do you wait till you make an involuntary movement and then say “Oh I didn’t mean to do that, it’s a neurological disorder I have?”  Or do you wait till they laugh or look concerned or ask?

The awful fact is that there is no perfect answer to this.  It reminds me of a friend of mine who lost half her leg in childhood.  She has a prosthetic limb, and can wear pants or tights and look like anyone else.  But then, when she meets new people, she’s stuck with that same question – when to tell them?  Especially when it comes to dating – do you talk about it too early or too late – it never feels just right.

I can, however, tell you one thing that is almost always true.  You don’t need to worry that, if someone asks you about your condition, you telling them will make them think you’re “weird.”  Again, there are jerks out there who might say such things, but everyone else will be the exact opposite.  They’ll appreciate your honesty about it, they’ll want to put you at ease, and they’ll actually let you into their heart in a special way, realizing the tough time you’re having.  A simple line like “It’s a neurological condition called Myoclonus” will probably be enough to ease the situation.  If someone wants to know more, then you can either tell them about it or suggest they look it up, depending on what you’d like at that time.

But what needs to change is that those people you mention are out there joking about your pain.  It’s really important that they learn the truth – that you’re not stupid or attention-grabbing or weird, or anything else.  Your condition is no more “weird” than the hiccups every one of them has had, or coughing or sneezing.  If you’re uncomfortable telling them about the Myoclonus, maybe you could get a friend or an adult to talk to them about it.

Or here’s my favorite thought – if this is happening at school – you could do a report about it.  Imagine what it would do to those laughers if you got up in class and gave a presentation about it in detail.  Any joke about it would be shown up for the idiocy it is – the joker would be seen by everyone as ignorant.

Which they are.  But ignorance isn’t a crime.  After all, until I got your letter, I was ignorant about Myoclonus too.

The crime is in being a jerk about Myoclonus once one knows about it.  And your telling people about it is the one way to stop most of that from happening, and reveal those who still do it for what they are.

Thank you for your honesty and bravery.  You’ve made me and all our readers into better mammals for the experience!

Be Strong!

Shirelle

0 How to prepare a play for school

4832456 asks: hi, I need to prepare a short play for prep. school as an activity. Can you help me ?

Hi 4832456 –

Well, as a pooch, I’m not a great expert on plays, but I know that the school plays that kids enjoy the most have usually been the ones they create themselves.  Could you create a ‘set-up’ for a play, and let the kids fill in the spaces themselves?  For example, come up with a group of characters, cast the kids in those roles, and give them a “place” to be interacting – and then see what Continue reading

0 How to deal with being rejected by a peer group

knightmare asks: Last August, I had a huge fight with my peer group. I’m always uncomfortable around them, and have trouble trusting them. When we open up, I’m always the subject. They say its my attitude, but when it comes to them, it’s all “never mind.” Now I’ve split from them, with another girl who feels the same way about them. But now it feels like the girls in that group are really against me – and I hear from others about the bad things they say about me! What should I do?

Hi knightmare –

This sounds like a really tough situation.  And I can’t tell you exactly why, but it’s something that happens often with teenage girls.  Boys can be mean to each other too, but it’s in different ways.

The best news in all this is that you have your friend who split from this group with you.  When a girl is alone, facing this sort of treatment, she can feel really victimized, even crazy.  At least you two can Continue reading

0 Tips to make hard studying easier

Vaibhav asks: To get some relief from my boring study timetable I do some yoga every morning, and that really helps me to improve my skills. Can you suggest any idea to make my study a little more easy? And here in India we are celebrating Diwali. So HAPPY DIWALI to you!

Hi Vaibhav –

Well, of course dogs never study.  We have training sessions or obedience classes, but once they’re over, we’re usually free to run and bark and sniff around.  We’ve never quite mastered the concept of Homework (and I truly hope we never do!!!).

But from what I’ve seen and heard of others, I can throw a few suggestions for easier studying your way:

1)      Concentration is usually the key.  If you can keep focused on what you’re supposed to be focused on, studying goes immensely faster than if you’re Continue reading

0 How to overcome fear of speaking

Eiei asks: I have something wrong in speaking in public. Most people aren’t interested in me when I am speaking. They change the subject. And I think most people aren’t really friendly to me. And then I’m scared by stress. I don’t want to get low marks at University. But trying to attend it, and scared about it. I hope you will help me. Thank you!

Hi Eiei –

You have probably heard the statistic.  Consistently, when groups of people are asked what they fear most, “Public Speaking” wins.  Even over things like Torture and Death!

As a dog, I don’t really have this issue.  The only public speaking I ever do is barking to grab attention.  “Hey there’s someone at the door!”  “Hey squirrels, stay away from my house!”  “Hey doggy across the street, notice me!”  Once I have their attention, I don’t really have any more reason to Continue reading