Category Archives for "Questions"

1 Why would a good student suddenly start doing poorly?

ilikechicken asks: Recently I’ve been turning in late homework and forgetting important things on tests. I don’t know what on earth is going on and my parents have already punished me a couple times. Please help!

Hi ilikechicken –

This is a really common problem.  In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever known a human who didn’t go through this at some point.  The sad part is that your parents are doing what they think is best (punishing you), but you already feel bad about it, so punishing isn’t going to do any good.

I don’t know your life, of course, but I’m going to make a guess.  I’m guessing that you’re going through a big transition right now.  Maybe it’s something you’re aware of (you’re becoming a teenager and your body’s changing shape), or maybe it’s something else (you’re starting to develop new awarenesses and ideas).  Or maybe it’s something  outside of you, such as that your family’s moving or splitting up.

Regardless, it is totally normal for a kid – of whatever age – to have some trouble in this transition, and for it to show up in their schoolwork.

Why?  I don’t know.  But there are a lot of things about myself I don’t quite know.  Like, why is it that, every night when I go to bed, I lie across the bed instead of up-and-down it, even though I know Handsome’s going to shove me over to that other position when he climbs in?!  Got me, but I still do it!

There are really only two solutions to what you’re going through.  The first is to Continue reading

0 Does Handsome know Shirelle writes AskShirelle?

Audreykimberly146 asks: Does Handsome know that you make this website?

Hi Audreykimberly146:

Absolutely, Handsome knows all about the website.  I’m a pretty bright dog (in some ways), but I could never have set up the technology or the relationships to make this website work.  Handsome just has such a huge respect for my opinions that he’s gone to great trouble to help me do this, and help out people all over the world.

There are, however, a few things Handsome doesn’t know about.  He doesn’t know about my other social media, which involves what we dogs bark and howl at each other from distances; he doesn’t know what I learn by sniffing everyone all over; and he doesn’t know just how good it feels to be a dog, to run like crazy, to bark like I’m insane, to jump on everyone, and to never have to wear clothes (except on certain irritating occasions when he puts a shirt on me, finding it just hilarious).

But about this website, oh yeah, he knows it almost as well as I do.

Thanks!

Shirelle

0 Why do teenagers feel alienated?

Rach asks: I am nearly 19, but I don’t feel like I am as grown up as I should be. Almost every day, I’ve always questioned myself. Who exactly am I? What do I like and dislike? I just feel like everything is the same and nothing seems excited or satisfied for me. Is it because of my character, always being alone, not talking much and drifting apart from people?

Hi Rach –

The fact is, you couldn’t be more wrong.  You sound exactly like a perfectly typical 19-year-old human to me.

Adolescence is a tough time for all persons, and some people hit it earlier than others.  But it’s pretty much guaranteed that there will be some point when any teenager feels the way you do.  Yes, some might hit it at sixteen instead of nineteen, but it’s also really common for teens to stay in that feeling of alienation and self-doubt for five years or more!

It’s no accident that many of the greatest works of literature are about just this.  Shakespeare’s Hamlet is the most famous, and deservedly so.  But more modern works like J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, or even Twilight and The Hunger Games deal with this same feeling.

Some might call this simplistic, but hey, I’m a dog, so what do you expect:  When humans are children (if they have a good childhood), they believe the whole world makes sense.  Their parents and teachers have told them the truth, they have a view of the world that they believe is completely correct, and whatever goes wrong is due to their flaws, or to “bad guys” out there.

But then humans become adolescent, and lots of things Continue reading

0 How to choose which of your friends gets to go out with someone

Audreykimberly146 asks: My two best friends have crushes on the same person. They fight and hit each other. But in front of the teacher, they are as sweet as “Sugar Angel” (a term I use for super-sweet). They are asking me to choose because I am their crush’s best friend. We were in elementary school together, and now I am in Junior High School, and meanwhile they’re still enemies (I’m now at a different school from where they are. They are in our previous school but the junior high grade). Meanwhile, I have so much homework, as well as chores at home, so I can’t spend all this effort on them. What should I do?!

Hi Audreykimberly146 –

What an annoying situation!  It really sounds impossible!  But I do have a few thoughts on it.

First of all, the idea that they’re asking you to choose between them is so unfair.  You’re not even at the same school they’re at.  Why should you have to give up a friend just because they can’t get along?  I’m sure neither of them wants to lose your friendship, so why do they insist you have to pick one over the other?  My advice on this would just be to tell them both that you Continue reading

0 What to do when someone you think is above you likes you

Mandhie asks: So school reopens for another academic term, and there comes this tall, handsome guy whom the girls over here in my school die of when they see him. I go for supper, since my school is a boarding school, and he takes a seat with the cute guys at a certain table. Some minutes later, I walk in the dining hall and he starts looking at me. I personally didn’t realize, until my best friend highlighted me, that he was staring at me – especially because I am not that popular as compared to some. I asked her who she was talking about and she pointed at his direction when he wasn’t looking. You wouldn’t believe it, Shirelle!! He is sooo cute and tall! I asked my best friend again if she was sure he was looking at me, and she said yes. At that moment, I felt like I was in a high school movie when a cute guy comes to school and suddenly spots the non-popular girl when the popular ones are there. I decided to act like I didn’t care, but I was melting inside. Then I caught him taking the quickest glance at me. I felt so different! After supper, the popular girls in school went straight to him and were asking him questions, and this time, I saw it again: he was looking at my direction to see if I were still there! And I could see a satisfied face when he realized I was not gone. Now my friends say we are a perfect match just because we are both tall. But apart from that, a lot of people have been telling me how beautiful I am, though I actually don’t see it myself. Up till now, Shirelle, we have been staring at each other, and I feel so shy and my heart skips a beat when I see him. Then today, I ALMOST bumped into him and it was different altogether… he keeps on looking at me… What is the problem? I’ve never felt such feeling towards a guy before… What does that tell me, please!!

Hi Mandhie –

So let me get this straight – you’re a nice girl, but have never been super-popular at school.  A new boy, very tall and handsome, comes to the school.  You go into the school dining room, and he can’t stop staring at you…?

RUN!!! HE’S A VAMPIRE!!!  HE’S EDWARD AND YOU’RE THE NEXT BELLA!!!  (Just be sure you don’t run to any werewolves for help, okay)?

Okay, little doggie humor there.

The truth is… this is downright dreamy!  I don’t see anything wrong here at all!

The fact is, for all us creatures with larger brains, we get used to being treated a certain way, and it makes it really hard for us to accept things being different, even when they’re a lot better.

For example, I have a friend named Continue reading

0 What to do if you’re asked out by two boys you like

shayna634 asks: My first and second choices asked me out. I sit next to my #2 choice, so if I deny him he will hate me, and I have a big sister who is best friends with his big sister, so probably his whole family will hate me! Who do I pick?

Hi shayna634 –

Hmmmm… I’m wondering – do you actually have to pick between the two?  Could you go out with both, at least once?  Just as friends?

That might make it a bit easier.  If your #1 choice is still your #1 choice after that, you won’t be in any worse shape than you are today, but you’ll have been nice and said yes to the #2 guy at least once; but if your opinion changes on those two dates, you could actually happily get more involved with #2.

Let me know if that’s possible.  But I should add here – do you really think his older sister and their family would hate you if you dated another boy?  If that’s the case, they sound a little scary to me!

Let me know!

Shirelle

0 How to win trust back from someone you cheated on

Kg69 asks: How do I get my ex-boyfriend back? He is the first true love I’ve had in my life, and the only reason we broke up was because he had to focus on his duties at school (he’s at job corps), but I lied to him again (I cheated on him and then lied to him about talking to that person that I cheated on him with), and now he says he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together or not. I’ve apologized but each time I say that I’m not going to do something again, he asks, “How am I supposed to believe you when you’ve lied to me before?”

Hi Kg69 –

You are in a very tough position, because your ex-boyfriend is asking exactly the right question.

I get lots of letters from people in his position, who really want to trust someone who’s hurt them.  So I’m glad you wrote me this, because it’s important to show the other side of it.

The fact, of course, is that no one can ever prove to someone else that they won’t cheat on them in the future.  Or won’t do anything else, for that matter: I can’t prove to my neighbors that I’ll never bite them!  Trust is a hard thing to build, and way too easy to destroy.  So, again… you’re in a very tough position.

The first thing I’d recommend is for you to Continue reading

0 How to decide between the nice boy who wants you and the bad boy who doesn’t

LilChen asks: I have this guy I like at school, but he’s 1 year younger than me (or I should say his grade is 1 year younger than mine because he went back a grade). Everything went well with me and him through our conversations, because my best friend made us talk together. But just as we were about to have a ‘bond,’ he suddenly told me not to talk to him anymore. So I was sad, but then I found out my best friend was mad at him because I might start hanging out with him and not with her. So I just agreed with her, since she’s my best friend and this happened like 2 or 3 years ago, although I still like the guy. I found out later on that he was a playboy and had my closest friends falling for him, but they soon realized he was worth nothing… but I’ve liked him for 5 years. Should I give up? He knows I have a crush on him. I’m 14 years old and I had this problem since 5 years ago?! I don’t know why I can’t let go of him! But there is this one ‘guy’ that can make me forget about him. Lets just say his name is X and my crush since five years ago is named L. So what do you think I should do? I’m confused and lost and I wonder if I should even have these feelings at this particular age!

Hi LilChen –

Your situation sounded really complicated to me at first, but then I thought about it a minute, and realized it wasn’t so complex at all.  What we’re really talking about here is Chicken Bones.

You see, whenever I’m around a Continue reading

3 What to do when your parents won’t listen to you

Adri asks: If I ask my dad and grandma about how they treat my stepsister better than my sister and me, they will get mad and say, “Ooh shut up you are over-exaggerating,” and everything is going to explode. My grandma has been mad at me for some time, and my dad has always been treating us like we don’t matter — whenever it is night and he is saying good night he gives her a kiss and forgets about us — and I am fed up, but I am tired of it so I stop caring, and just Grrrr!

Hi Adri –

I do have a very high opinion of humans, and so I like to think that you’re somewhat mistaken, that your grandma, and especially your dad, would actually understand what you’re going through – as long as they were given the information in a way they could take.  Maybe they’re in too negative a place right now to hear it though.

So if so, what can you do?  Well, awful as it sounds, maybe your job is to just Continue reading

0 How to get a two-year-old to behave

adrianna90978 asks: I am sick and tired of being mistreated by everybody. My little brother who is only two and a half already hits us. My parents say it is our fault because we frustrate him, but we haven’t done anything to him! And there’s so much else going on too. How can I get over all this?

Hi adrianna90978 –

Okay, I have a simple answer for you on this one.  Your parents probably aren’t being completely right, but not exactly wrong either.  But you’re right – it’s not your fault.

Now if you had a five-month-old puppy, and it was biting you all the time, you’d certainly be right to be irritated.  And it might be right for someone to tell you not to do things to bother it.  But it would also be right for you to just know that it’s a puppy, and that this is what puppies do!

Similarly, two-year-old humans are notorious all over the Continue reading