Category Archives for "Questions"

0 How to talk to someone whose party you skipped

problempup asks: My friend had this birthday party and invited all my friends, including me, and everyone said yes except me. So everyone went and I didn’t, and now I feel that none will talk to me anymore. This was the biggest party ever –she even got a limo for it. How should I react to this?

Hi problempup –

Thanks for your question about your friend’s party (and I really apologize for taking so long to answer it; Handsome was out of town for the holidays and I couldn’t turn the computer on with my paws!).

I guess I’m a little confused here.  Your friend had a really great party, and invited you, and you didn’t go?  Why was that?  I’ll throw a few thoughts at you, but until I know why you didn’t want to be there, I’m not sure if my ideas will be right.
First of all, there’s a really important issue here, that I talk about a lot, because it’s so important.  When children’s bodies grow, so do their brains.  And when a human reaches about sixteen years old, their brains are fully developed, with one exception.  And that’s the part of their brain that has a conception of Time.  Teenagers are brilliant and passionate and creative and glorious – but don’t have the sense that adults do of the effects and meanings of time.  (This is why Shakespeare made Romeo and Juliet teenagers.  If they’d been in their 20s, they would have just made plans to sneak away, get married, wait for their parents to cool off about it, and all would have been fine; instead, they had that “It’s now or never, there’s no tomorrow, we have to get married tonight” attitude, which was good for the play, but pretty rotten for them!)

So my initial advice to you is to stop worrying so much; while this is a big deal today, there’ll be another big deal tomorrow, and no one will even remember that you weren’t at the party.  In fact, over time, I’ll bet a number of the guests will remember you were at the party, even though you weren’t!

Secondly, though, if you offended anyone, it is only the Continue reading

0 How to be good at dance parties

xxyte asks: I always go to these discos/parties every month (the discos/parties are for my age in case your wondering), but this month loads of people in my year in school are going – and I’m such an awkward dancer (I’m okay when I don’t know the people there) and the ‘popular’ girls are going to this and so I’m really nervous. I would just not go but the guy I like is going, so could someone PLEASE give me advice on how to dance and act at a disco/party for teens? And how to chat to the lad you like at it? It’s a no-alcohol event by the way.

Hi xxyte –

I really have two sorts of advice for you, and they’re completely the opposites of each other.

The first is to find a school or teacher near you who can teach you basic dancing really quickly.  To be the best dancer in the room, and no longer awkward.  And similarly, to get someone to help you with social skills like talking to cute guys (maybe a therapist).  But the problem with both of these is that they take time.  And you’re in a rush.

Now you point out that this is a non-alcohol event.  Lots of adults use alcohol to ease their anxiety about occasions just like this.  Drinking helps them feel less worried about what they say, so they talk more freely (and then sometimes say waaaaaay Continue reading

1 How to make an apology

Mandhie asks: I have had crushes on other guys that last for a few days, but I have liked this one guy for five good years. At times, I can feel he likes me, and at others, I feel he doesn’t. Recently, I asked him to come over and he did. We took pictures, and I walked him about halfway home, till I got tired. The next day, I sent him one of the pictures we took, and asked him if I could use it as my Facebook profile picture. He said I should never do it, so I said okay. Then, I sent the picture to his “school father” (it is something playfully done in schools in my country; they act like your caretakers in school. Now the whole point is that people tease us both that we like each other. I like him, and I know he likes me, but he hasn’t confessed anything to me – and as I said before, he gives me mixed signals. So now, he is angry with me because I sent that picture to the other boy. Now, I don’t know why I sent the picture, and seriously speaking, I like it when people tease us; and that was what I wanted, for the boy to tease me to make me feel like he likes me, but it didn’t go the way I planned. He saw it on Facebook (because another friend of his school father took a screenshot of the picture and put it online). And now as I am writing, we are not talking, and it hurts. I have said I’m sorry a thousand times, but he is neither replying to my messages nor calling me. I have offended him before, and I feel so bad because I feel the way he feels for me might change. I know he likes me because he acts shy and doesn’t look at my face when we are talking, but I do look at his face. I don’t even understand why he is so offended! You have no idea how I feel right now; I am afraid he will be taken away by another girl. I love him so much. Please help. I don’t want him to leave my life.

Hi Mandhie –

Mandhie, I won’t pretend to understand nuclear physics – no dog does.  But I know that the basis of the atom bomb came when humans learned how to split an atom, which then set off energy that split the atoms around it, and those the atoms around them, and so on, creating enough energy to destroy a city.  All from the energy inside a tiny weensy atom.

Well, my dear friend, that little picture was just an atom, but it seems that, in this boy’s world, you set off an atom bomb!

You say in your letter that I have no idea how you feel.  Actually, I probably have a pretty good sense of it (kind of like the day I, as a puppy, felt like chewing on something and found a piece of cardboard very handy, only to discover later that it was the cover of a decades-old record album that Handsome really treasured, as he screamed as he grabbed me and heaved me through the air).  What I don’t have a good sense of is what this boy is feeling.

Why is he so upset?  Is he just super-private?  Is he worried because he likes another girl and doesn’t want it to look like you and he are a couple?

Is he embarrassed, because he likes you and doesn’t like having his feelings shared around publicly?

From what you say, I think there’s a Continue reading

0 How to stay in a school you can’t afford

problempup asks: I am in big trouble. You know how many kids hate school? Well I love school! But unfortunately, school is in six days and my dad hasn’t paid my fees; his salary is less than the school fees, and if he doesn’t pay, I don’t get to go to school any more. Help!

Hi problempup –

You’re right – it’s really refreshing to get a letter from someone who loves going to school!  I certainly understand the kids who can’t stand it, but it’s nice to hear that sometimes it’s actually enjoyable!

Your problem, therefore, is a really painful one.  I don’t know where you live, but I’ll throw some ideas out, and if any can help, I’ll be thrilled.

First, is this a case where your dad will have the money later, but just doesn’t have it yet?  If that’s the case, most Continue reading

0 What to do when two friends are after the same person?

HecateGoddess asks: I made a new friend and she seems kinda nice, so I invited her to sit at my table at lunch. Then she said that she likes this boy, who is my best friend’s crush – and the boy seems to like her too. What can I do to help my best friend?

Hi HecateGoddess –

This is a tough one!  I’ll throw some ideas at you, but the most important thing for you to remember is that This Is Not Your Fault.  If she and that boy were going to be attracted to each other, your befriending her didn’t make that happen.  So don’t feel guilty (you humans fall into that so easily!).  But you still might be able to help things out.

The first question is about the boy.  I know your best friend has a crush on him, but has he shown any interest in her?  It may be that she’s just not his type, or that he only notices other sorts of girls – and if that’s the case, your best act might be to just support her as she watches him go off with this new girl, which always hurts!

But if he’s shown any interest at all in your best friend, you could try to do three things: encourage Continue reading

0 How to deal with a bratty younger sibling

BlackGermanShepherd asks: My younger brother is 8 and he always hits me, and I get in trouble because of him. He always goes into my room and takes things and yells at me. I feel like I have no power over him. What should I do?

Hi BlackGermanShepherd –

Your problem sounds like something we dogs go through all the time.  Our humans’ friends decide it would be a great idea if they introduce their puppy to us, thinking we’ll be great pals – and the next thing you know, we’re being bitten, jumped on, and really annoyed for the whole time we’re supposed to play together.  Or worse, our humans actually decide to get a new puppy, and we’re putting up with this nonsense all the time!

And just as with you, the worst thing about this is that, when we get fed up and turn around and bite that little pest in the butt (which is completely a dog’s instinct, and how puppies have learned manners for millennia), who gets yelled at?  WE do!  It’s ridiculous!

Now I’m sure everyone’s been telling you that, over time, you and your brother will become great friends, and he’ll get very mature, and he’ll even become protective of you.  And I have no doubt that that’s true.  But that doesn’t help right now.  Now, what you need is a way to get through this.

For that, I have a few suggestions.  First, try to Continue reading

0 Should one lie to get a job?

jjlove asks: I am 13 and I want to apply for Avon, though they say I have to be 18. I am a very responsible person, and very good at selling. I have a meeting with an Avon lady, and I lied about my age (I look 21, but told her I was 18). I want to be honest and explain, but that would mean I wouldn’t get the job. What should I do?

Hi jjlove –

I don’t know the details about Avon, but I’m going to guess that, if they insist on your being eighteen, they’re going to insist on some sort of checkup on you; maybe a drivers license or passport or birth certificate?  If I’m right, you won’t make it through the application process, so it won’t even matter that you lied; you’ll just be found out.

But if I’m wrong, if you find that they actually would hire you – I still think the truth will come out at some point.  So I would strongly suggest you tell the truth.

And here’s the funny part – when you do, you’re going to Continue reading

1 What is a person’s ideal weight?

Chloe asks: I’m turning 12, I weigh 44kg and I’m158cm tall. My friends are about 140cm tall and weigh about 36kg. I always feel fat around them and they make me feel fat. I’m always trying to starve myself to loose weight. Am I fat?

Hi Chloe –

As a dog, I have a very simple and strong opinion about weight.  I like to chase squirrels.  In order to catch them, I need to be as fast as I can be.  If I am overweight, my weight slows me down.  If I’m underweight, I don’t have enough strength, and so I can’t get up to speed.  But if I’m my correct weight, then Watch Out, Rodents!

Today, humans are more obsessed with their weight than ever before, and have very specific ideas of what is the correct weight to have.  This is interesting, considering that different humans have different body densities, bone weights, etc.  You’ve probably noticed that two babies, who look just the same, can weigh very different amounts.  So what good do rules about weight, in terms of one’s height and age, do?

Well, they do a bit of good.  They tell a general range.  And if one is in or near that range, they’re probably fine.  But truly, I think my test (squirrel chasing) is a far better one.  If you’re in great shape, then you’re in great shape.  And who cares what anyone says about your ideal weight!

Having said that, Chloe, I looked at some charts online, and they all say Continue reading

0 How to compete with your friend over someone

ilikechicken asks: My school divides into two sections, and the kids in each only do things with the other ones in their section. My best friend, C, is in one section and I’m in the other. I never see him. But, my other friend (who I had a crush on) is in C’s section. One night when I was spending the night at C’s house, he said she was flirting with him. I got a little sad but kept it inside. What should I do? (I’m in contact with the girl through Instagram FYI)

Hi ilikechicken –

Now I’m having a bit of a problem here.  What you’re saying is clear, but you’ve left out a huge part: How did C feel about the flirting?!  If he was telling you that he’s not interested in the girl, but just wanted to warn you that she’s looking elsewhere than you, then my suggestion is that you get him to help you win her over!  Remember: You’re more interesting, because you’re not in their section of school, than anyone there is!

But if C is interested, then you have another issue – a far more difficult one.  And this question goes back centuries!  What a horrible situation to be in!  But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

If this is the case, I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me.  If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:

1)    Go out to dinner with Continue reading

0 How to deal with a friend getting pregnant

prettyndsweet12 asks: I recently found out my best friend is pregnant. I’m really happy for her, but I wish I could be there with her to support her. She means so much to me: she’s a second mom to me, she taught me a lot and treats me as if I’m her own. I asked her if anything was gonna change between us, and she said she won’t be able to talk to me a lot – which is hard because she lives far away (well it’s not really far, but it seems like it because I hate not being able to see her). She said I’ll never lose her and we’ll still remain close, so my question is how can we remain close friends if I won’t be able to talk to her, and how do I get used to her being pregnant?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I have a more long and serious answer to your question, but first I have to say: one thing about pregnancy is that you don’t have to get used to it, because once you get used to one stage, another one is happening, and before too long the pregnancy is completely over!  Then what you’re getting used to is a completely new and original tiny human being!  (Or sometimes more than one!)

What you’re really dealing with, prettyndsweet12, is mourning.  You had a relationship – a really great one – and it’s ending.  It will never be the same again.

Sometimes this happens because someone’s personality changes, sometimes it happens because someone moves away, and sometimes it happens because someone dies.  In your case, it’s none of those.  It’s just that the most wonderful amazing spectacular thing you could ever wish for has happened to your friend.  And while she’s still the lovely and loving person you’ve always known, your relationship to her will be as changed as in any of those other situations.

The important thing for you to realize is that the big word here is Continue reading