Category Archives for "Parenting"

Should you reconnect with a parent who abandoned you?

Emmie asks: My dad was never married to my mum, and he moved away when I was little. He moved to Nottingham and for the past thirteen years I see him once a fortnight. He’s moving back to my town and asked my mum if he could see me more. My mum said that he hadn’t bothered for thirteen years, but I think he’s making amends. How can my mum say she knows, and how can I persuade her?

Hi Emmie –

 

There’s a lot that’s really painful about parents splitting up, and one of the toughest is what you’re going through.  Human children desperately want their parents to love and care for them, and if a parent seems uninterested in that, it leaves a gigantic wound in the kid.

Then, if that adult later wants more contact with the kid, there’s a great conflict:  On one hand, part of the kid (in your case, the part your mom agrees with) says, “Where were you when I needed you before?  Why should I trust you now?”  While the other says, “At last!  I’m finally getting what I’ve needed my whole Continue reading

2 Why is it so annoying to be a tween?

Fro-yo asks: Everything’s been bothering me! The little things my parents do, to the things they say to me – Blah blah blah – and I’m starting to get a few little bumps around my face (I am 11). I hate to say this, but I think I might be getting the early stages of my period. This is not good! I’m really grumpy, and annoyed by everything!!! What should I do to help myself relax and stop being such a Grinch?!

Hi Fro-yo –

 

 

Well, I guess the easy answer is that the way to not be such a Grinch is to let your heart grow at least two sizes!

 

But on a more realistic level, you sound to me like you’re right on schedule, for a pretty early bloomer.  It seems like you’re going to be one of the first girls of your age to fully enter adolescence.  And such effects as bumps on your face, annoyance with what your parents say, and beginning to menstruate, are absolutely normal and expected in that.  The next change, probably the one that will affect your life the most, is that your body shape is about to Continue reading

What to do if your parents wrongly suspect you have a boyfriend

Alondra asks: What should I do when my parents are assuming I have a boyfriend?

Hi Alondra –

 

 

Do I have this straight?  Your parents are assuming you have a boyfriend, but you don’t?

 

If so, then my absolute advice is to give them a major reality check!  You don’t have to be quite this rude, but I’m thinking of something along the lines of “Hello?!  Do you see me with a Continue reading

Why is it so hard for parents and teenagers to talk about sex?

Tutu asks: What are the barriers on communication between parents and adolescents, about sexuality?

Hi Tutu –

You bring up a great issue.  It is a strange irony in human development, that the age when children begin to pull away from their parents is the same age when they become more sexual, in their body development as well as their minds.

It would certainly make things easier for parents if this were staggered a bit.  For example, if kids went through their years of detachment from their parents before their bodies changed and they became interested in sexuality, so that by that time they were mature enough to have adult Continue reading

What is love?

apsara asks: What is love?

Hi aspara –

Wow, how many songs have asked that question!

The word “Love” has an awful lot of meanings.  But to answer you, I really think we should stick to three.

The first is about the most basic attraction.  If you ever study physics, you’ll learn that all energy is about attraction and repulsion.  Particles are either drawn to each other or push away from each other.  Think of what happens if you put two magnets together, and how they’ll do one or the other.  Well I think that same energy exists at all levels of Continue reading

How to respond to an opinion you don’t agree with

zubi asks: How should we respond to an opinion we don’t agree with?

Hi zubi –

 

There are two very silly things about your question.  The first is that the answer is so clear… and the second is that SO MANY HUMANS don’t know how to do it!  If you’ve grown up watching politicians on TV, it sure makes sense to me that you haven’t learned this simple skill.  And that’s a shame.  A shame on them, not on you.  You’re the person who’s humble and honest and open enough to ask.  (I’d vote for you for anything!)

 

The simple answer is Respect.  What makes people upset when others disagree with them is that they’re not getting shown respect in the disagreement.

 

Let me give you an example.  Let’s say Handsome and I are walking, and I pass a tree that lots of dogs have peed on, and I think it’s the most interesting, great-smelling thing ever.  And so I try to stop and Continue reading

How to avoid depression and anxiety

Imran asks: How can I avoid depression, anxiety, phobias, etc. How can I make good relations with others and enjoy my life?

Hi Imran –

 

 

Hmm…  If you’re asking how you can avoid sadness and worry, then I suppose the answer is to not ever care about anything.  Life creates both, and that’s nothing to… well… be sad or worry about!

 

However, your question uses bigger words than that.  Depression can be a terrible state, leading to misery, lost years from your life, or even death.  Anxiety and phobias can be equally bad.  These can be huge problems.

 

Really, the difference is probably in how quickly you Continue reading

How to become an actor if your parents don’t want you to

ana1821 asks: I come from Albania and I’m worried I won’t make it in the acting world. I really want to do it, but I’m so afraid to try. My parents think that I’m too young to act and they would never let me do it. I don’t know what to do. Please help me figure this out.

Hi ana1821 –

It sounds to me like you have two problems at the moment.  The first is that you’re afraid to try acting, and the second is that your parents don’t want you to do it.

 

With the first, of course, you just simply have to find a way!  If someone said to you that they wanted to become a mathematician but were afraid of math problems, you’d tell them they were crazy, right?  Well, I know you’re not crazy, but the same problem holds here.  Acting is a very difficult profession.  The only people who succeed in it are those who looooooove doing it.  Note: there are numerous successful actors who aren’t all that good at it – but they still have to loooooooooove doing it!!!  So if you don’t love it, you simply have to not be an actor!

 

Now with the second issue, of course that’s not up to you at all.  If your parents absolutely refuse to allow you to act, then it’s hard for you to get into shows or movies.

 

HOWEVER… there are literally innumerable ways for you to act that don’t break your parents’ Continue reading

1 What a teenager should do if they think they’re bisexual

Nicole1234yak asks: I think I may be bisexual. I am attracted to both boys and girls, but for now I’m more attracted to girls. I’m checking girls out just the way I check out boys. Also I get turned on by girls as I get turned on by boys – even more so lately. But I don’t know if I’m bisexual for sure. How can I be sure? By the way, I’m15.

Hi Nicole1234yak –

 

I am a dog.  I have no concerns about who is “normal” and who should be attracted to what sort of person.  I only care about my Pack Members being happy.  And it’s clear that you’re pretty confused and frightened right now.

Studies say that somewhere between 2 and 5% of people identify themselves as bisexual, and many more women experiment with bisexuality (and we can guess that at least that many feel it but don’t admit it).

You ask how you can be sure.  I would say to give it Continue reading

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