Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 How to find one’s feminine energy

Lovedino123lady asks: How do you be more ladylike and girly?

Hi Lovedino123lady –

Well, my friend, no one has ever accused me of being ladylike.  If I’m compared to anyone in that famous movie about dogs, I’m way more Tramp than Lady!  But I’ll try to help you out anyway.

The fact that you’re asking me this question probably means that you have a sense of what appears more girly or ladylike:  wearing dresses instead of pants, sashaying around instead of walking with direction, not punching or biting anyone!

But I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about.  I think what you’re really after is how to increase your Continue reading

0 How to improve one’s English

Tran Cam asks: I’m from Vietnam, I’ve been studying English at Planet American English School for three months. But I’m having a hard time with it. Do you have any suggestions, to help me out?

Hi Tran Cam –

I really have to bow to you, Tran Cam.  English is an incredibly hard language to learn!  Due to the history behind it, it is a mixture of so many different languages; and due to the amount of exploration the British Empire had, it has so many different sounds!  Do you realize that, in Chaucer’s day, pronunciation of English made Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re surrounded by negative people

aditi asks: I am surrounded by people filled with negative thoughts. It’s really difficult to recognize who’s real and who isn’t. I don’t have any questions about anything for you, Shirelle, but I just need to find someone to listen to me, and talk. How do I find the right person?

Hi aditi –

I certainly understand your plight.  If more people were less negative, I wouldn’t have this website!  The whole purpose of this site is to help defeat the negativity people carry around in their lives.  I’ve spent my whole life seeing people who I think are just wonderful having the worst attitudes toward themselves and others.  It’s really heartbreaking!

So one “person” you can talk with is me, and I’m glad you thought to do so.  But beyond my fine self, I really recommend two other things.

First, as I do so often here, I’ll recommend that you find a Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent after you’ve failed at something

mame asks: I am really depressed right now and don’t know what to do. One of my guy friends asked me to be his prom date and so I said yes. I told my mum about it and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Now the prom is very near and I need to be preparing for it in terms of clothing and stuff like that. But now I’m afraid to ask my mum about the prom, because I have failed my exams. I don’t know what to do!

Hi mame –

Your question is downright painful, because we all know that feeling!  You already feel bad about the exams, and you don’t want to make things worse for yourself, or especially between you and your mum.

Now I don’t know your mother, but I know a lot of women, and I can’t help but think that there’s a really good chance that she’ll actually be kinder than you think.

You see, all your life, she’s been an authority figure to you, the one who tells you what to do, and who takes pride in your successes and is disappointed when you fail.  But there was a time before that, before you, when she was a young Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

0 Why I’m unkind to my spouse

barry asks: I have problems with my husband. I have a bad temper and whenever my husband asks me about something, I just answer him quarreling. And I lie to him a lot. What can I do to control this? I do love him a lot.

Hi barry –

I’m glad you say you love your husband.  And clearly he must love you too, if you’re as difficult as you describe!  So you’re starting from a good place!

My immediate sense is that there’s something you’re very uncomfortable about, and it makes you a little defensive.  After all, if you’re feeling fine about yourself, why would you react to him with anger, or often Continue reading

1 What to do when someone asks you for sex

Alana asks: A boy asked me for sex. What should I do?

Hi Alana –

Well, I’m going to assume, from your question, that you don’t think that having sex with him right now is a good idea.  So my first answer to you is that the best thing for you to do is to say “No.”  Clearly and unequivocally.

However, I don’t want to give the wrong view here.  The boy hasn’t done anything wrong.  He Continue reading

0 How to win someone back you broke up with before

muttman asks: In the beginning of my 5th grade year I was dating this girl. Then I went to the 1st day and saw someone else that I liked. Now at the end of 5th grade, I like the girl from before (the other girl cheated), but people are telling her not to date exes. What should I do?

Hi muttman –

You are dealing with a very interesting problem.  Basically, it sounds like you’re trying to get the girl (the first one) to like and trust you again, even though you left her for someone else.  And her friends are telling her not to go out with you again.  So you have three things against you:  First, anyone’s natural hesitation or distrust; Second, the fact that you’ve done something to prove that distrust right; and Third, all the stuff her friends are saying.  So how do you get past that?

I can only come up with one suggestion.  It might seem a little Continue reading

0 How to get your parent to give you the right chores

kittycat asks: I am depressed because my dad thinks I am being selfish because he works with delivery of clothing and stuff and even though we have the air conditioning on, I really can’t bear the heat. I am secretly a little allergic to the sun (like my mum). I don’t want to upset my dad and all, but I just can’t bear it. (I can’t tell him that I am allergic). So, this one day, my dad and I were doing delivery in his little car, I told him that I was getting very dark, I was sooo hot, I couldn’t stay anymore. Then he started telling me that he spent all his day in the sun, that he and my mum could be rich and put us in a public school and not care, he said that they work for me and my sister’s education, but I really didn’t mean to upset him. And then, I got really upset and I started crying and thinking about the things he had said to me. When it comes too this I really don’t know what I should do. I feel really bad because all things he said were right. But on the other hand he was NOT being fair with me. I can’t discuss this freely with my family because they really don’t understand what it’s really like to be me. I’ve got so many things wrong about me, I’m not the kind of daughter any parent would want. I’m afraid, that some day one of my friends will find out what my mum’s real job is, and I’ll be humiliated. I don’t know what to do!!!

Hi kittycat –

There’s so much here, I want to respond to a few things.

First of all, about the work with your father, it sounds like you don’t mind doing work to help your dad; but just don’t like the excessive heat in his car.  So could you ask him if there’s other work you could do?  Maybe you could help with the bookkeeping, or preparing the clothes for delivery, or wrapping them, or…  anything, anything but sitting in that hot car!

Which leads me to my second thought:  Why are you so adamant about not telling him about your Continue reading

0 How can one live by their own rules

apple eye asks: If we want to lead our life in a my way style but others oppose it, then what should we do? Rebel? Or shut up?!

Hi apple eye –

I want to turn your question around, to make a point:  How can a person know that they’re living in a ‘my way’ style?  The answer, of course, is that they’re doing what other people oppose!

If Handsome takes me on a walk, and I heel, sit, stay, and come every time he says to; if I pay a lot more attention to where he is than the squirrel down the street or the dog barking from behind that nearby window; if I don’t jump on the person he stops to chat with – I might be living my way.  But if I pull on the leash all the time, ignore everything Handsome says, bark at other dogs, try to get away to chase that squirrel, and jump right up our neighbor’s Continue reading