Category Archives for "Kids"

0 How to tell if you have ADHD

Dan Man asks: I think I have ADHD. All the symptoms point to ADHD as I’ve had problems focusing, impulsivity, inability to sit still, and hypersensitivity, but I’m only 13 and my mother laughs at the prospect of me having ADHD. School is becoming really difficult for me and I always say things at the wrong times. Do I have ADHD? Psychologists are out of the question. How do I fix this, or get my mom to believe me if I do?

Hi Dan Man –

Well, I relate.  Lots of people say I have ADHD too.  But we dogs can’t get medication for it, or even psychotherapy.  So instead I just live my life, excited lots of the time, not very focused, and enjoying my life immensely.

Which is a LOT easier for me to do than you, since I’m not in school, and never have to do homework!!!

So here’s the deal with ADHD.  Some people really have it, and lots who get labeled with it don’t have it.  If you truly have it, it’s an actual biological/medical condition, where part of your brain that’s good at focusing and control isn’t working well enough, and needs to be jolted a bit.  So there’s one test you can do, without going to a doctor, to see if this is truly true of you.  And that’s to, before you go to school, have a Continue reading

0 Is it okay to get an instrument and not take lessons?

Doglover101 asks: I’ve been wanting to play either the guitar or piano for a bit and have asked my mom to buy one of them or check them out in a music store. We might be going on Monday but here’s the problem… My mom would let me get one of them but always says that I’d have to go to lessons. I don’t want to play professionally or go to lessons, I want to do it for fun… But my mother won’t let me. Help?

Hi Doglover101 –

This is a tough one, and I’m on both your sides on this one. Not that you shouldn’t have fun, but… Let me try talking about it in terms of my favorite subject, dogs.

Every day, kids around the world say they want a puppy. And most parents say that’d be fine, but that they would need to do lots of chores (walking, cleaning up, grooming, training), and suddenly that bundle of loving fun sounds like a ton of work.

Then, very often, the kids agree, and the parents go to a pound or shelter or breeder or store, and get a puppy, and the whole family falls in love with the little nibbler at first sight. All is wonderful… at first. But then all those chores start having to be done – but they’re not. The puppy isn’t walked, so it messes up the house. He isn’t trained, so he chews up valuable stuff. She isn’t groomed so there’s hair everywhere… and bit by bit, instead of being what everyone loves, the puppy becomes an annoyance. The parents threaten to give little Buttonface away if the kids don’t start doing what they said, the kids forget, the parents give the pup back to where they got it, and everyone is resentful and miserable.

Now, of course I’m not comparing a wooden box with strings to a living breathing loving puppy. But often the same sort of thing happens – a guitar or piano seem so fun and cool at first, and they make all sorts of noise, and you can figure out how to play some songs you like… but then the novelty wears off. And as with any other toy or game, you lose interest in it.

But the difference between a piano and a toy is that a piano costs hundreds of times more (and a good guitar is also worth a lot).

So I definitely understand why your mom doesn’t want to spend all that money if you’re not going to devote yourself to mastering the instrument. But at the same time, how can you know you really want to put all that work in before you get a chance to have the fun with it you’re picturing?

So here’s my thought: Continue reading

0 How to deal with an ex who cares about you

kacey_79 asks: I really liked this boy, so I got to know him, and he finally gave me a chance. We have had our ups and downs for 3 months now, but now another girl is involved. He told me he still loves me, but he does have feelings for her, and ended our relationship to make things work with her. This girl is way better than me; she is gorgeous and I feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. But the other day I got into a bad situation, and he begged me to come and see me, but I told him I didn’t want to see him. I trust him with everything and I do really love him and I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I’m being played and I don’t really know what to do. I mean do I keep fighting for him or just let him go?

Hi kacey_79 –

This is a tough tough situation!  I get into this issue with Handsome all the time, where he tells me I’m his special pup, the one in his heart, his favorite thing ever… but then he’ll see some cute puppy and start gushing about how adorable it is and run up and pet it and scratch its ears and rub its tummy and let it chew on his hand and… and I go nuts!  I don’t attack him (that never goes well), but I do run to that little mutt and give the youngster a big dose of barking and growling and teeth and “That man is MINE!”  Just so there’s no question.

Now it’s probably not a great idea for you to go beat up this girl (we pups can get away with that better than you can), but you do need to do something, just to get out of this mess.

I will give the boy credit for one thing; I’m glad he was honest with you about his feelings about her, and glad he didn’t try to date you both at the same time.  In other words, he’s treating you with respect, from the place his head is.

But there’s one thing you said here that upset me a lot.  And I mean, a LOT.  You said, Continue reading

0 How to tell when someone likes you but can’t say it

Wolfy asks: I have a friend. He is being really weird lately. Our schedules got changed, and he ended up in two of my classes. We first met last-minute studying for a test, and he got all of them right. We are friends now and we were cool for a while. But then he started kinda ignoring us (me and my group of friends), but still came when I called him over. This was weird because we were working together, but he wasn’t with us as usually. We asked him why, and he said he worked better with the other people because he didn’t really like them. Oddly enough he kept going to them after the work was finished. Well, that stopped. He sticks with us now. Just a few days ago though, he and I were the last two in class (besides the teacher) and he told me he wanted to ask me something. But he noticed that someone forgot their notebook. I looked down the hall and they were gone. Just then a friend I was going home with called me, so I caught up with her. He caught up with me and told me a really weird pointless story. As he walked away I asked him if that was what he wanted to tell me. He said no, and left. The next day I saw him was two days later. So, I asked him about it. He said he had no idea what I was talking about…. sigh. I asked my friends and they said maybe he likes me. He has told me who he likes. Showed me a picture of her even. He knew her before he knew me. I don’t know what to make of him anymore. Any ideas?

Hi Wolfy –

Sadly, as I’ve had to tell so many people, I’m a very smart dog but I’m not psychic.  I have absolutely no idea what is going on with him!  I’m inclined, though, to think your friends might be right.  He might be interested in you for more than studying!

But here’s the tough part – he might not even know it yet!  The teen years are just about the craziest time any human ever goes through, and it sounds like his mind is going in circles at 800 miles an hour.  One moment he just has to tell you something because it’s so important, and later he’s avoiding you or saying (truthfully or not) that he doesn’t even know what it was.

My advice to you is to Continue reading

0 How to do what you love when you feel judged.

DogLover101 asks: When I was really young, in junior infants (1st grade), I wanted to become an artist. But then halfway through 2nd class, I realized that I couldn’t actually draw, paint, or sculpt like real artists do. One of the reasons that I realized that was because this classmate of mine, who HATES my guts, J, is the class’ best artist – and let me tell you he knows, like he really truly knows… He brags about it, but since I hate him I try to have as little eye contact with him as possible. So after that I decided that I wanted to be a Vet because I really loved animals – and of course my mom was happy with this decision because it meant that I would go to College. My excuse throughout the 4 years was that I wanted to be a Vet, but I really didn’t want to go to College to be something I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy coming to Every. Single. Day. But then after the beautiful Christmas of 2015 my mom bought me…An Art set! It is so professional and the supplies don’t suck… It’s perfect! Of course I tried it out and I love it! Now every time I paint I feel like time stops and it’s just me, my creativity, and my brush. I put all of my paintings up even if they’re not my best work. There’s also this girl K in my class, who follows me and my friends around and tries to fit in. She’s SO annoying; in fact our teacher brought all of the girls in my class up to her desk and said to try to be friends with her. WOAH no! What teacher does that? Anyway she’s also good at Art and surely brags about it as well. And then there’s me…. No one knows that painting is my getaway, nor that it’s my hobby again. They all still think I want to be a Vet. So how do I do this? How do I let people know that I actually am the Art type and kind of be known for it (not in a braggy way)? I’m pretty sure if J and K find out then J will judge me and say I suck while K will either ignore the topic or say it’s good (Too good…). They can draw, but I’m more of a painter and my class does these challenges (for fun) where two people draw against each other, and if I’m challenged to an Art-off, I’m pretty sure I’ll lose and he’ll rub it in my face for the whole year!

Hi Doglover101 –

As you can probably guess, I have a lot to say on this.

First of all, about this girl.  I’m actually on your teacher’s side on this one.  You know, when I was a puppy, I was the most annoying being in the whole world.  Big dogs snapped at me, humans kicked me away, and even Handsome would throw me outdoors for being too much of a pain.  It’s not that I was mean; it’s just that I was so friendly and playful, and so eager for acceptance from everyone, that I did a lousy job of every interaction (or, as Handsome likes to say, “It’s sure a good thing you were so cute then!  That’s the only reason you’re even alive today!”).

I understand she’s annoying, but I’d say to see if there’s a part of her you like.  And if so, befriend that part of her and help her feel more accepted in the class, and see if her annoying parts go away.  (And if they don’t, then you can of course give up on her!).

Then about your thoughts about college.  Even if you become an artist, I really encourage you to consider it.  Even if you take some time off before you go.  It just makes life so much easier for humans these days; and art is a very difficult profession to depend on.  So I’d say to strongly consider pleasing your mom and going to college – even if you end up specializing in Art!  At least you’ll have that achieved.

Okay, now about your art and these other kids.  This will be your future, in any creative endeavor.  There are always self-professed experts in every field.  There are always hangers-on.  There are always others who will tell you you can’t do what you’re trying.

After all, can you imagine what other dogs told me when I said I wanted to do this website?!

So here’s my advice on this.  First of all, Continue reading

0 How to handle a relative with bad manners

jeff asks: I have family in town for the holidays. Everything is going well for the most part, the usual drama. However, my sister who is 43 now does not close the door when she uses the bathroom or wash her hands when she is done. My kids ages 13 & 15 are appalled. I don’t know how to approach my sister without upsetting her. She’s been through a lot the last few years, but this issue MUST be addressed.

Hi Jeff –

I have a GREAT suggestion, but it’s probably too late – which is to get a dog.  We pups absolutely LOVE sniffing around humans when you’re making interesting smells, and your sister would most likely get pretty annoyed by us doing that, and so shut the door!

But if that’s not a possibility, I’d say that the problem here is your Continue reading

0 How to adjust to a changing friendship

LovelyMe asks: I am really exhausted. I’m currently in college and it’s so much work. On top of that, I’ve been having issues lately with my best friend – that I feel like I can’t really call my best friend. I feel like she gets around other people and acts totally different, and that’s not the person I’m used to. Also, she’s really judgmental and that affects me sometimes. I feel like sometimes I can’t be myself, because our beliefs aren’t the same. What really hurt me was the fact that her mom said she didn’t want her to hang around me because I had a girlfriend; it kind of offended me because I’m not gonna make her daughter like girls – this isn’t an contagious disease! Minus that, I feel like the person I’m with is cheating on me because our conversation has become really distant since I went off to college. We’re always arguing and we barely call each other. I feel like I’m not getting any attention while I’m away. I love her so much and I can’t see myself without her. I’m just so exhausted because I feel like I’m going through obstacles in a game, just to prove who I am to people, and being rejected again. Please help me because I have no clue what to do.

Hi LovelyMe –

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But as awful as it is – it’s very normal. Kids have friendships that are inseparable… until they separate. Suddenly, their views and desires for what kinds of adults they want to be send them in different directions. And nothing’s ever quite the same.

It seems like you two are right in that transition now. When you and she are alone, it’s like it used to be, but when other people are around, she acts completely different. And when you’re away at college, conversation is distant, and you feel ignored. Then you have that other element, that her mother is intolerant of your sexuality, which makes things tough for both of you.

There’s no really great solution to this. But my best suggestion is to Continue reading

0 What to do when a parent compliments other kids.

MartyK asks: I’ve been blessed with a nice face according to society. And I was content with it. But today my mom was praising one of my friend’s good looks. To my mom, she’s perfect. I won’t lie. It hurt me. I don’t know why it did. I was insecure about myself for a long time but I was content. I know I’m good-looking but the way my mom talks about her, I don’t think she’ll ever talk about me like that. She says my friend has the potential of modeling and that she has a nice body and skin and hair and has a smart face. I just wish she’d sometimes call me pretty or talk about me like that. After all, I am her daughter. And to me, my mom’s opinion matters a lot. What is your opinion?

Hi MartyK –

Well, as you know, I don’t have a great sense of who’s good-looking or not; I just react to how I see people act. The most attractive human in the world to me, of course, is the one I call Handsome, and I don’t even know what you humans would think of his looks. I’m just crazy about everything about him, and don’t think about it past that. So as far as your looks go, if I met you I’d be absolutely thrilled – but I wouldn’t be able to tell you whether you belong on the cover of Vogue or not. Just not the way a doggy brain works.

But boy do I relate to your question! I’ll be walking along with Handsome, perfectly happy, and he’ll see some scruffy puppy with one ear sticking out, and say “That is the cutest puppy I’ve ever seen!” And I’m just heartsick! I thought I had been the cutest puppy he’d ever seen! What’s going on?!

I think there are three possibilities. And it could be one of them, or two, or all three.

First, sometimes our parents (or human companions) are a little Continue reading

0 Why do people suddenly drop out of text conversations?

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Sometimes when I’m texting certain people (boys specifically), we’ll text for a good bit and then suddenly they don’t respond for more than a day. I understand people have lives and things going on but I get worried and feel the need to keep texting. I know a lot of that comes from my attachment issues but my question is when is it just time to say forget it and give up on them?

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I have a lot of problems with texts. And here’s my biggest one:  we dogs don’t understand most of the words you humans say to us – we grasp a few (sit, stay, come, maybe walk or squirrel) but at the same time we do a great job of understanding what you’re expressing to us.  How?  By the tones in your voices.

You might say to me the words “Hey you goofy dog.”  What do they mean?  Perhaps you’re saying how lovable you find my nose.  Or to get out of the trash can.  Or that you’re furious that I chewed up the couch.  Or that last night my love was the one thing that kept you from hating yourself, and you appreciate me more than ever before.

Your words don’t mean a thing.  It’s all about how you say it.

And texts never have tones!  They might try to make up for it with CAPITALIZING or with emoticons ;-), but even those don’t carry the same subtle nuance (big words for a pooch, I know!) that tone does.

So while I understand why texts are convenient, I really prefer direct speech – even over a telephone.

Which leads to my answer… of course, prettyndsweet12, I have Continue reading

0 How to handle friends who listen to mean liars

sarah asks: This is going to be my second year in college. My college is very small. There’s this one girl who is very outspoken but evil. She works her way through people, and makes them believe whatever she says. She has caused a lot of people that were once my friends to turn against me. How do I let people see the real me, and be attracted to me and not her?

Hi sarah –

I usually hear about girls doing this at younger ages – this behavior’s very common around 14 years old – so it disturbs me to hear about it happening in a college. Not that I don’t know of adults who do such things, but just that I’d have hoped the other students wouldn’t be as susceptible to her manipulations.

But I then have to think – oh, that just means she’s reeeeeeally good at it.

And frankly, if she’s that talented, I don’t know that I can give you a great answer on how to beat her at this game. Eventually, we can be sure, she’ll alienate enough people that they start to see her the way you do. And when that happens, she’ll move from being liked and trusted to being despised and shunned.

But that’s later, and up to the hands of fate; not now, in any way you can control.

So my invitation to you is to try to look at this in a very different way – as a Continue reading