Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 Should one lie to get a job?

jjlove asks: I am 13 and I want to apply for Avon, though they say I have to be 18. I am a very responsible person, and very good at selling. I have a meeting with an Avon lady, and I lied about my age (I look 21, but told her I was 18). I want to be honest and explain, but that would mean I wouldn’t get the job. What should I do?

Hi jjlove –

I don’t know the details about Avon, but I’m going to guess that, if they insist on your being eighteen, they’re going to insist on some sort of checkup on you; maybe a drivers license or passport or birth certificate?  If I’m right, you won’t make it through the application process, so it won’t even matter that you lied; you’ll just be found out.

But if I’m wrong, if you find that they actually would hire you – I still think the truth will come out at some point.  So I would strongly suggest you tell the truth.

And here’s the funny part – when you do, you’re going to Continue reading

1 What is a person’s ideal weight?

Chloe asks: I’m turning 12, I weigh 44kg and I’m158cm tall. My friends are about 140cm tall and weigh about 36kg. I always feel fat around them and they make me feel fat. I’m always trying to starve myself to loose weight. Am I fat?

Hi Chloe –

As a dog, I have a very simple and strong opinion about weight.  I like to chase squirrels.  In order to catch them, I need to be as fast as I can be.  If I am overweight, my weight slows me down.  If I’m underweight, I don’t have enough strength, and so I can’t get up to speed.  But if I’m my correct weight, then Watch Out, Rodents!

Today, humans are more obsessed with their weight than ever before, and have very specific ideas of what is the correct weight to have.  This is interesting, considering that different humans have different body densities, bone weights, etc.  You’ve probably noticed that two babies, who look just the same, can weigh very different amounts.  So what good do rules about weight, in terms of one’s height and age, do?

Well, they do a bit of good.  They tell a general range.  And if one is in or near that range, they’re probably fine.  But truly, I think my test (squirrel chasing) is a far better one.  If you’re in great shape, then you’re in great shape.  And who cares what anyone says about your ideal weight!

Having said that, Chloe, I looked at some charts online, and they all say Continue reading

0 How to compete with your friend over someone

ilikechicken asks: My school divides into two sections, and the kids in each only do things with the other ones in their section. My best friend, C, is in one section and I’m in the other. I never see him. But, my other friend (who I had a crush on) is in C’s section. One night when I was spending the night at C’s house, he said she was flirting with him. I got a little sad but kept it inside. What should I do? (I’m in contact with the girl through Instagram FYI)

Hi ilikechicken –

Now I’m having a bit of a problem here.  What you’re saying is clear, but you’ve left out a huge part: How did C feel about the flirting?!  If he was telling you that he’s not interested in the girl, but just wanted to warn you that she’s looking elsewhere than you, then my suggestion is that you get him to help you win her over!  Remember: You’re more interesting, because you’re not in their section of school, than anyone there is!

But if C is interested, then you have another issue – a far more difficult one.  And this question goes back centuries!  What a horrible situation to be in!  But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

If this is the case, I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me.  If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:

1)    Go out to dinner with Continue reading

0 How to deal with a friend getting pregnant

prettyndsweet12 asks: I recently found out my best friend is pregnant. I’m really happy for her, but I wish I could be there with her to support her. She means so much to me: she’s a second mom to me, she taught me a lot and treats me as if I’m her own. I asked her if anything was gonna change between us, and she said she won’t be able to talk to me a lot – which is hard because she lives far away (well it’s not really far, but it seems like it because I hate not being able to see her). She said I’ll never lose her and we’ll still remain close, so my question is how can we remain close friends if I won’t be able to talk to her, and how do I get used to her being pregnant?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I have a more long and serious answer to your question, but first I have to say: one thing about pregnancy is that you don’t have to get used to it, because once you get used to one stage, another one is happening, and before too long the pregnancy is completely over!  Then what you’re getting used to is a completely new and original tiny human being!  (Or sometimes more than one!)

What you’re really dealing with, prettyndsweet12, is mourning.  You had a relationship – a really great one – and it’s ending.  It will never be the same again.

Sometimes this happens because someone’s personality changes, sometimes it happens because someone moves away, and sometimes it happens because someone dies.  In your case, it’s none of those.  It’s just that the most wonderful amazing spectacular thing you could ever wish for has happened to your friend.  And while she’s still the lovely and loving person you’ve always known, your relationship to her will be as changed as in any of those other situations.

The important thing for you to realize is that the big word here is Continue reading

1 Why would a good student suddenly start doing poorly?

ilikechicken asks: Recently I’ve been turning in late homework and forgetting important things on tests. I don’t know what on earth is going on and my parents have already punished me a couple times. Please help!

Hi ilikechicken –

This is a really common problem.  In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever known a human who didn’t go through this at some point.  The sad part is that your parents are doing what they think is best (punishing you), but you already feel bad about it, so punishing isn’t going to do any good.

I don’t know your life, of course, but I’m going to make a guess.  I’m guessing that you’re going through a big transition right now.  Maybe it’s something you’re aware of (you’re becoming a teenager and your body’s changing shape), or maybe it’s something else (you’re starting to develop new awarenesses and ideas).  Or maybe it’s something  outside of you, such as that your family’s moving or splitting up.

Regardless, it is totally normal for a kid – of whatever age – to have some trouble in this transition, and for it to show up in their schoolwork.

Why?  I don’t know.  But there are a lot of things about myself I don’t quite know.  Like, why is it that, every night when I go to bed, I lie across the bed instead of up-and-down it, even though I know Handsome’s going to shove me over to that other position when he climbs in?!  Got me, but I still do it!

There are really only two solutions to what you’re going through.  The first is to Continue reading

0 Why do teenagers feel alienated?

Rach asks: I am nearly 19, but I don’t feel like I am as grown up as I should be. Almost every day, I’ve always questioned myself. Who exactly am I? What do I like and dislike? I just feel like everything is the same and nothing seems excited or satisfied for me. Is it because of my character, always being alone, not talking much and drifting apart from people?

Hi Rach –

The fact is, you couldn’t be more wrong.  You sound exactly like a perfectly typical 19-year-old human to me.

Adolescence is a tough time for all persons, and some people hit it earlier than others.  But it’s pretty much guaranteed that there will be some point when any teenager feels the way you do.  Yes, some might hit it at sixteen instead of nineteen, but it’s also really common for teens to stay in that feeling of alienation and self-doubt for five years or more!

It’s no accident that many of the greatest works of literature are about just this.  Shakespeare’s Hamlet is the most famous, and deservedly so.  But more modern works like J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, or even Twilight and The Hunger Games deal with this same feeling.

Some might call this simplistic, but hey, I’m a dog, so what do you expect:  When humans are children (if they have a good childhood), they believe the whole world makes sense.  Their parents and teachers have told them the truth, they have a view of the world that they believe is completely correct, and whatever goes wrong is due to their flaws, or to “bad guys” out there.

But then humans become adolescent, and lots of things Continue reading

0 How to win trust back from someone you cheated on

Kg69 asks: How do I get my ex-boyfriend back? He is the first true love I’ve had in my life, and the only reason we broke up was because he had to focus on his duties at school (he’s at job corps), but I lied to him again (I cheated on him and then lied to him about talking to that person that I cheated on him with), and now he says he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together or not. I’ve apologized but each time I say that I’m not going to do something again, he asks, “How am I supposed to believe you when you’ve lied to me before?”

Hi Kg69 –

You are in a very tough position, because your ex-boyfriend is asking exactly the right question.

I get lots of letters from people in his position, who really want to trust someone who’s hurt them.  So I’m glad you wrote me this, because it’s important to show the other side of it.

The fact, of course, is that no one can ever prove to someone else that they won’t cheat on them in the future.  Or won’t do anything else, for that matter: I can’t prove to my neighbors that I’ll never bite them!  Trust is a hard thing to build, and way too easy to destroy.  So, again… you’re in a very tough position.

The first thing I’d recommend is for you to Continue reading

3 What to do when your parents won’t listen to you

Adri asks: If I ask my dad and grandma about how they treat my stepsister better than my sister and me, they will get mad and say, “Ooh shut up you are over-exaggerating,” and everything is going to explode. My grandma has been mad at me for some time, and my dad has always been treating us like we don’t matter — whenever it is night and he is saying good night he gives her a kiss and forgets about us — and I am fed up, but I am tired of it so I stop caring, and just Grrrr!

Hi Adri –

I do have a very high opinion of humans, and so I like to think that you’re somewhat mistaken, that your grandma, and especially your dad, would actually understand what you’re going through – as long as they were given the information in a way they could take.  Maybe they’re in too negative a place right now to hear it though.

So if so, what can you do?  Well, awful as it sounds, maybe your job is to just Continue reading

0 How to get a two-year-old to behave

adrianna90978 asks: I am sick and tired of being mistreated by everybody. My little brother who is only two and a half already hits us. My parents say it is our fault because we frustrate him, but we haven’t done anything to him! And there’s so much else going on too. How can I get over all this?

Hi adrianna90978 –

Okay, I have a simple answer for you on this one.  Your parents probably aren’t being completely right, but not exactly wrong either.  But you’re right – it’s not your fault.

Now if you had a five-month-old puppy, and it was biting you all the time, you’d certainly be right to be irritated.  And it might be right for someone to tell you not to do things to bother it.  But it would also be right for you to just know that it’s a puppy, and that this is what puppies do!

Similarly, two-year-old humans are notorious all over the Continue reading

0 What are some ways for young people to make money?

Arjai asks: The school I switched to is awful: the teachers barely speak English and they don’t teach us (all they do is give us the answers and make us copy off the board). There is no proper air conditioning, although we live in the desert. The kids are awfully-behaved and the classrooms are overcrowded. We had thought it was a good school but it’s awful. I know my mom will let me go back to my old school if I can up with at least 3000 dollars, so my question is: is there anyway I can make money fast?! I can’t mow lawns because there is no grass. I can’t babysit because no parent in their right mind would leave me with their kids. I’m thinking maybe something online. Selling stuff is not the safest thing for a girl living in my country, so could you please give me some options for making money fast?

Hi Arjai –

It looks to me as if you’ve already read my earlier answer about ways for young people to make money.  I’m sorry that none of those solutions sound like they’ll work (though I do have to question why you say “no parent in their right mind would leave me with their kids!”  Are you frightening?  Or maybe just young?).

My best thought is that all of those other suggestions were about how to make money from people who didn’t know you all that well.  It doesn’t take a lot of knowledge about someone to let them mow your lawn, or buy a magazine subscription from them.  And even with babysitting or pet-sitting, as long as you have a basic trust in the person, you’re willing to give them a chance.

But what about looking for work in a different Continue reading