Category Archives for "Family"

2 Why is it so annoying to be a tween?

Fro-yo asks: Everything’s been bothering me! The little things my parents do, to the things they say to me – Blah blah blah – and I’m starting to get a few little bumps around my face (I am 11). I hate to say this, but I think I might be getting the early stages of my period. This is not good! I’m really grumpy, and annoyed by everything!!! What should I do to help myself relax and stop being such a Grinch?!

Hi Fro-yo –

Well, I guess the easy answer is that the way to not be such a Grinch is to let your heart grow at least two sizes!

But on a more realistic level, you sound to me like you’re right on schedule, for a pretty early bloomer.  It seems like you’re going to be one of the first girls of your age to fully enter adolescence.  And such effects as bumps on your face, annoyance with what your parents say, and beginning to menstruate, are absolutely normal and expected in that.  The next change, probably the one that will affect your life the most, is that your body shape is about to Continue reading

0 What to do if your parents wrongly suspect you have a boyfriend

Alondra asks: What should I do when my parents are assuming I have a boyfriend?

Hi Alondra –

Do I have this straight?  Your parents are assuming you have a boyfriend, but you don’t?

If so, then my absolute advice is to give them a major reality check!  You don’t have to be quite this rude, but I’m thinking of something along the lines of “Hello?!  Do you see me with a Continue reading

0 Why is it so hard for parents and teenagers to talk about sex?

Tutu asks: What are the barriers on communication between parents and adolescents, about sexuality?

Hi Tutu –

You bring up a great issue.  It is a strange irony in human development, that the age when children begin to pull away from their parents is the same age when they become more sexual, in their body development as well as their minds.

It would certainly make things easier for parents if this were staggered a bit.  For example, if kids went through their years of detachment from their parents before their bodies changed and they became interested in sexuality, so that by that time they were mature enough to have adult Continue reading

0 How to become an actor if your parents don’t want you to

ana1821 asks: I come from Albania and I’m worried I won’t make it in the acting world. I really want to do it, but I’m so afraid to try. My parents think that I’m too young to act and they would never let me do it. I don’t know what to do. Please help me figure this out.

Hi ana1821 –

It sounds to me like you have two problems at the moment.  The first is that you’re afraid to try acting, and the second is that your parents don’t want you to do it.

With the first, of course, you just simply have to find a way!  If someone said to you that they wanted to become a mathematician but were afraid of math problems, you’d tell them they were crazy, right?  Well, I know you’re not crazy, but the same problem holds here.  Acting is a very difficult profession.  The only people who succeed in it are those who looooooove doing it.  Note: there are numerous successful actors who aren’t all that good at it – but they still have to loooooooooove doing it!!!  So if you don’t love it, you simply have to not be an actor!

Now with the second issue, of course that’s not up to you at all.  If your parents absolutely refuse to allow you to act, then it’s hard for you to get into shows or movies.

HOWEVER… there are literally innumerable ways for you to act that don’t break your parents’ Continue reading

0 How to help a friend through grief

NARDY asks: My best friend is sad because her father died. She is always upset and when I speak to my other friends she always asks me to stay with her. I’m trying to make her happy, but I can’t. What can I do?

Hi NARDY –

My friend, you’re dealing with one of the toughest issues there is.  Actually you’re dealing with two.

Grief is always difficult, and everybody has to go through it.  There are small griefs (like when an ice cream cone falls on the ground before you can eat it), and really painful ones (like when someone you’re dating breaks up with you), and then there are those griefs that are so awful they change your entire way of living and seeing the Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent after you’ve failed at something

mame asks: I am really depressed right now and don’t know what to do. One of my guy friends asked me to be his prom date and so I said yes. I told my mum about it and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Now the prom is very near and I need to be preparing for it in terms of clothing and stuff like that. But now I’m afraid to ask my mum about the prom, because I have failed my exams. I don’t know what to do!

Hi mame –

Your question is downright painful, because we all know that feeling!  You already feel bad about the exams, and you don’t want to make things worse for yourself, or especially between you and your mum.

Now I don’t know your mother, but I know a lot of women, and I can’t help but think that there’s a really good chance that she’ll actually be kinder than you think.

You see, all your life, she’s been an authority figure to you, the one who tells you what to do, and who takes pride in your successes and is disappointed when you fail.  But there was a time before that, before you, when she was a young Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

0 How to get assistance for HIV

Winnie asks: Where can I take my 16-year-old boy who is HIV positive for assistance?

Hi Winnie –

I am so deeply sorry about your son.  While doctors have done a really amazing job of finding ways to control HIV, since it showed up just three decades ago, it is still a terrifying situation to live in.

Winnie, I don’t know where you live, but most governments have special Continue reading

0 Why I’m unkind to my spouse

barry asks: I have problems with my husband. I have a bad temper and whenever my husband asks me about something, I just answer him quarreling. And I lie to him a lot. What can I do to control this? I do love him a lot.

Hi barry –

I’m glad you say you love your husband.  And clearly he must love you too, if you’re as difficult as you describe!  So you’re starting from a good place!

My immediate sense is that there’s something you’re very uncomfortable about, and it makes you a little defensive.  After all, if you’re feeling fine about yourself, why would you react to him with anger, or often Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents say to change your attitude

Piper asks: My parents told me I need to change my attitude and that they don’t know what to do about it. They said I was going to have consequences unless I have a way to have them help me through it, but I don’t know how to have them help me. But I don’t want the consequences. I don’t know what to do!

Hi Piper –

It sounds to me like your parents want to change your attitude about something, but that you might not know what that is!  So it seems to me that the first step is to find that out.

Maybe they think you’re too demanding, expecting everything you want the moment you want it.  Maybe they think you’re too sullen, slumping around unhappily all the time and never showing any excitement or appreciation.  Maybe they think you’re too excitable and need to calm down some.  Maybe they think you’re too rebellious and never Continue reading