Category Archives for "Adults"

0 How to build confidence and motivation

Sarah asks: Next year I will be participating in my school’s pageant show and am going up against tough competitors. You see, I am a shy person but whatever I put my mind to I DO IT. I need some advice on being motivated. When people look at me, they see this insecure girl. How can I change that and also change me into thinking positive and having confidence in myself?

Hi Sarah –

I’m not sure exactly what you’ll be doing in the show.  Singing, dancing, modeling?  I might have better specific advice if I knew.  But even without that, it strikes me that you’re asking two questions here, and I can take a try at both.

First, how can you get more motivated, and think positively?  You have come to the right expert on that one, Sarah!  We dogs have NO problems with Continue reading

1 How to change someone’s opinion about you

Julia asks: My mom keeps saying I’m the problem, but I haven’t done anything wrong. So how can I make her see that she just has a problem with everything?

Hi Julia –

Thanks for your question about your mom.

This is a really tough question to answer.  For two reasons.  First, because I don’t really know who to believe – have you really never done anything wrong?!  If so, then you’re the most amazing kid I’ve ever heard of!  (The list of all the wrong things I’ve done would fill this website three times over!).

But second, if your mom really just has this negative feeling toward you no matter what you Continue reading

0 What to do if your boyfriend is ignoring you

Pallas asks: A girl and a guy were harbouring a crush for each other. Then the two started dating. However, once they started dating, the guy started ignoring the girl. The girl was worried that he might not be in love with her anymore so she asked him through a text “Do you still love me?” The guy replied, “Of course I do” The girl was happy but each time they see each other, the guy would always ignore her. He would run off somewhere and start flirting with other girls. The girl was upset and went up to me crying over how sad she was. She took out her phone and asked the same question. He replied with the same answer, but this time she didn’t believe him. So she wanted me to ask him instead and when I did, he replied with the same answer again! I asked him why he was ignoring the girl but he said he wasn’t. He kept looking for her whenever she wasn’t around. I’m seriously confused, Shirelle. I don’t know how am I supposed to help my friend with her complicated love life. I really need to know what I can do to help these two.

Hi Pallas –

There’s a funny thing about humans.  When they’re really little, of course, they don’t have a strong sense of right and wrong, or especially of fairness.  But by the time they reach around five years old, they become obsessed with fair treatment.  If you go to a playground, the kids from five till around eight will argue about rules, check rules, create new rules, and talk about what’s fair and what’s not all the time.

Then they grow up a bit more, and accept the rules that are out there more (or break them, but know they’re breaking them!).  And then they start to date.

And suddenly, all the self-care they used to have, all the concern about whether or not they were being treated fairly, goes straight out the Continue reading

0 How can men and women relate?

urmii asks: How can I relate with a woman?

Hi urmii –

I’m going to guess two things.  First, that you’re a man.  And second, that when you ask how to relate with a woman, what you mean is how to understand her, to connect with her.  (If you’re asking how to get a girlfriend, or how to get a woman to become your relation, those are very different questions!!)

So what we’re dealing with here is the timeless question of how men and women can understand each other.  Sigmund Freud, who was probably the greatest genius who ever worked on questions like this, famously said, “The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”  If he was this stuck, how in the world can normal men and women hope to Continue reading

0 How to get past loving someone who’s getting married

teenwolf2725 asks: My friend is getting married. I’m happy for him, but at the same time, I’m kind of sad. We grew a love for each other and I always talk to him, but now he’s engaged and there’s nothing I can do about it. I love him, but he’s taken. Shirelle, what do I do now?

Hi teenwolf2725 –

Oh how many songs have been written about THIS situation!  You’ve done nothing wrong, he’s done nothing wrong, she’s done nothing wrong – and still it’s sad.

There really isn’t a perfect solution to it, teenwolf, except to know that your feelings will almost certainly cool down over time.  Yes, we hear about exceptions, but almost always, especially if you are a teenager, your life will change in so many ways that it’s pretty guaranteed that you’ll change too.

But for now, how can you speed that up?  Well…

1)    Find someone Continue reading

1 How to get over failing a huge exam

tejaswini asks: I am a student. I am very much depressed. I try to be normal but bad thoughts keep coming back over and over again. A year ago, I started taking coaching for an entrance exam. I slogged very much, and gave up many things. I didn’t care much because all the way I was thinking that all this work would get me into some good college. I don’t know why, but unfortunately I couldn’t crack the exam. I flunked it. It’s really taking a long time for me to get over it. Even now, when I start anything new or try taking up a new task, the first thing that flashes in my mind is “I am a loser, I can’t do it, so there is no point in trying for it!’ I feel so stupid for not being able to pass after a year preparation. It keeps flashing in my mind all the time and it pulls me down. I don’t know how to come out of all this and start something again with new energy. Please help!

Hi tejaswini –

I am so very very sorry for you, having to go through this.  As a dog, I’ve never had an experience like yours, because I never focus on the future.  But I’ve seen humans go through this sort of thing many times.  When their marriages (or hoped-for marriages) break up, or the book or movie or play they spent years on doesn’t catch on, or when their business fails.  Or, yes, when they take an exam they’ve prepared for for months, and fail.  It’s devastating, I know.

The big problem, I can tell, is the time involved.  If a squirrel walks through my yard, and I bolt to catch him, and he gets away from me, I don’t feel like a failure; I just wait for my chance to Continue reading

0 How to find true love

mhaneva asks: How will you find a true love?

Hi mhaneva –

The way you phrase your question, it sounds like you’re asking how I will find true love.  Oh mhaneva, I found Handsome, and I found a wonderful boyfriend too, an Akita-Chow mix named Kuma, and between those two, I’ve got the truest loves I could ever hope for.

But I like to think of your question in a different way:  How can anyone find true love?  Now I have lots of questions and answers on the AskShirelle website about when and how to get girlfriends and boyfriends, but you’re asking something else – how to find Love.

Well, the answer is simple, and very very difficult.  You find Love in your own heart.  But that can take some Continue reading

0 What to say to graduating students

sukh asks: What advice would you give to the outgoing class?

Hi sukh –

Well, I’m not a great expert on this.  My entire educational experience was a few weeks of obedience school (and some later remedial tutoring).  We didn’t get any advice from our teacher – the main advice he gave was to our humans, advising them to keep training us!

My bigger problem, though, is that I don’t know what “outgoing class” you mean.  Are they graduating sixth grade?  High school?  College?

Either way, though, I guess there are some things I’d want to Continue reading

0 What to do with a boyfriend who refuses to obey my parents

cutie asks: I’m in this relationship with this boy. My father says he doesn’t me to be in any relationship, but no matter what he does or says this boy says he doesn’t care and that he loves me and he’s going to stay with me no matter what. What should I do?

Hi cutie –

This is one of the oldest situations in the world.  I’m sure you’ve heard of the play “Romeo and Juliet.”  Now there, the girl’s father isn’t against her having just any relationship; he just hates the boy’s family.  But fundamentally, you’re in the same mess.  The boy loves you and refuses to quit, and your dad’s saying you have to quit.  So you’re wondering what to do.

What really sticks out to me is what your letter doesn’t say.  You never tell me how you Continue reading

0 What to do about uncontrollable diarrhea

ktarr asks: I’m not sure if I have diarrhea. I go to poop quite a lot, and when I do my poop is runny, and watery. When I look at it I feel sick. Also sometimes this happens at school and I go in my pants by accident. Please help. I’m not going to tell my mum, because I’m scared as she’s upset about dad leaving her. She doesn’t care. And my tummy hurts a lot.

Hi ktarr –

Diarrhea has a number of different definitions, but the most common one is exactly what you have – runny, watery poops.  Especially if they’re frequent, and hard to control.  People and dogs get it pretty frequently, often from eating food that’s too spicy for their system, having more fruit than usual, or, of course, from some sort of digestive illness, like a flu.

So the literal answer to your question, ktarr, is yes, you have diarrhea.  But from what you say, I think there’s more concern than just that.

It sounds to me like you have a condition that’s probably brought on by Continue reading