What to do with a boyfriend who refuses to obey my parents

cutie asks: I’m in this relationship with this boy. My father says he doesn’t me to be in any relationship, but no matter what he does or says this boy says he doesn’t care and that he loves me and he’s going to stay with me no matter what. What should I do?

Hi cutie –


This is one of the oldest situations in the world.  I’m sure you’ve heard of the play “Romeo and Juliet.”  Now there, the girl’s father isn’t against her having just any relationship; he just hates the boy’s family.  But fundamentally, you’re in the same mess.  The boy loves you and refuses to quit, and your dad’s saying you have to quit.  So you’re wondering what to do.


What really sticks out to me is what your letter doesn’t say.  You never tell me how you feel!  I know how your dad feels, and how your boyfriend feels, but not where you stand in the middle of all this.  Are you as crazy about him as he is about you?  Do you desperately want to please your father, or do you even care what he thinks?  Do you just wish both of them would go away?!


cutie, I’m not getting on your case for your letter-writing.  Rather, what I’m thinking is that you are so overwhelmed by these two stubborn insistent males that you probably don’t even know what you feel!  You’re just stuck worrying!


So my first word of advice is to pull away from the whole situation for a little while.  Hang out at a library, or with friends, or even just in your bedroom.  And think.  Think hard.  Close your eyes and sit and breathe deeply and feel your breath go around inside you for an hour or more.  If you have a religion, you might also pray for guidance.  And my guess is that, if you do all these things, you will eventually come to realize the most important thing here: What You Want!


Now once you know what that is, then you can start to work on making that happen.  Probably that will involve sitting down with both your boyfriend and your dad and explaining your feelings and concerns, and hearing theirs, and trying to find a compromise.


But none of that will work as long as you’re not able to know what exactly you want.  And the funny part is, once you know that, the better you’ll feel in your family, and in your romantic relationships, and in all the rest of your life.


So get to it!  And if I can help at all, be sure to let me know.


Best of luck,



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