Category Archives for "Adults"

4 My Friend Stella — some thoughts about what comes after this

My Friend Stella — some thoughts about what comes after this

Today I’m spending the afternoon with my dear friend Stella.  I’ve known Stella since she was a puppy – a puppy just about as cute as I was.  Stella has always been much better behaved than I was, even then — a model of pooch behavior all her life.  She’s helped her humans raise two beautiful children, she’s been a great watchdog (very loud!), and she’s spread love everywhere she’s gone (She’s even nice to cats, which you know I can’t say for myself).

So why am I writing this today?  Why aren’t I tumbling around with Stella, play-fighting, sniffing around for special smells, chasing each other, and, when we’ve had enough of that, just curling up and snoozing next to each other till we get re-energized to do more craziness?  Why aren’t we doing what we always do?

Because Stella’s ill.  Very ill.  With a nasty cancer that is eating her from the inside, so badly that I know today is our last playdate.  She won’t be alive next week.

This isn’t anyone’s fault.  Her humans have been as perfect with her as she’s been with them.  She’s always eaten healthily; she hasn’t been victimized by secondhand smoke or radiation.  It’s just one of those lousy things – she’s dying too young – and it’s simply not fair.

We sometimes hear, or even say, wishes that someone would just pass away.  No one’s ever said that about Stella.  When she gets put down, it will be because her people love her too much to let her suffer; they’d give anything to keep her alive if they could.

So this makes me think about those Big Questions.  The sort I don’t have instant answers for, because no one does.  Like what is death, and what happens to us after it, and what we’re living for if it’s just going to end someday.

When I say that no one has instant answers, I’m not disagreeing with, or denigrating, any religion.  Rather, I honor the importance and power of any real faith, for its ability to give answers to these questions that move and give strength to those who believe.  Because the questions that religions and faiths answer are the ones that observation and experience can’t.  It doesn’t take any effort to believe that the sun will rise tomorrow, but it takes a lot to truly believe in an afterlife – or to be sure there isn’t one.

But I will say, we dogs are extra-sensitive to certain… what should I call it… certain stuff.  Haven’t you dog (or cat) owners noticed, at times, your pet reacting to something you can’t see or hear?  I don’t mean hearing another dog barking who’s so far away you can’t hear it; I’m talking about that animal sensing something you can’t see or hear, that’s right next to you.

You see, while you humans have your stronger brains that invent motorcycles and computers and dog dishes, our weaker brains leave us able to notice some stuff you don’t.  But we don’t know those Big Answers any better than you do; we just know there’s… stuff around!

So what does my experience tell me, to help with those questions?  Here’s the best I can offer.  Not that it’s any more provable than anything you’ve heard anywhere else.  But it is what my doggy brain is able to believe:

–                    We animals live in a world where Life and Death are part of our normal existence, more than what most humans experience these days.  We spend lots of time hunting, and know that, whether it’s a squirrel or a flea, we’re trying to kill it.  Yes, as sweet and loving as we are, that’s what we’re knowingly doing.  And we dogs live every moment, knowing we could be similarly ended.  Whether it’s a Pekinese or Chihuahua who lives with giant humans who could, with one mistake, step on us and end us forever; or a Pit Bull who is always being picked on by other dogs who want to get rid of us in order to have the top status in the neighborhood; or a working dog who protects people from bad guys who might shoot us at any time – we are always aware of our fragility.  And meanwhile, we’re always sniffing, eating, and rolling in dead things we find!  We understand Death very well.  And what we understand is that Death is a part of Life.  Like fun and grief and love – no one lives without experiencing all of them.  It’s hard to make sense of (just like those other three), but it’s no bigger.

–                    I can’t tell you whether there’s a Heaven, or a Hell, or a Purgatory.  I can’t tell you whether we’re reincarnated, or whether we even keep any consciousness at all after this body stops working.  But I’ve seen a lot – I’ve seen the souls of humans and dogs; I’ve felt love and support, and some not-so-nice emotions, from individual energies that don’t have physical bodies; and I’ve felt the presence of friends after they’ve passed away.  So I don’t know how it’ll be, or when or where, but there’s something.   And so, if I get to have some contact with Stella after she leaves this damaged body behind, I won’t be surprised at all.  (Though I’ll be very, very thrilled!)

–                    And as far as that question about the meaning of life goes… I don’t have the faintest idea.  Are we part of a great plan, or are we here to learn things for our next lives, or are we here to test our souls’ goodness for an upcoming judgment?  If a dog could shrug its shoulders, I’d be shrugging my forelegs right off!  I just really don’t know.

But I also don’t care.

Because I’m here with Stella today.  And I’m looking at her, as she lies on the cool ground, and chooses to spend some of her final time just gazing around at her back yard, soaking up all the joyous time she’s spent here.  I know how much she’s loved her family and friends, and all the goodness she’s bestowed on them.  I know that, when her humans have had terrible losses and disappointments, Stella was proud to be the one to make those times bearable.  I know what it meant to her to be the first one to lick their two babies.  And I know what it’s been like for me to play with her, discovering the secrets our world offered.

With all that, how can anyone wonder if life has meaning?  Stella’s life’s meaning has been all of that!  It’s been every moment she’s lived, every feeling she’s felt, every interaction she’s ever had with anyone…  Her life is the meaning of her life!

If there’s more meaning that I don’t know about, that’s great.  But the life she has, and that we all have, is perfectly profound and grand enough for me to stand back open-mouthed in humble awe.

So that’s about all I know.  But I will add: I do like to believe in something else.  Call it Heaven if you like, but I like to think that Stella and I will meet again.  And it’ll be in a beautiful place, a lot like here, but without any of this world’s problems.  And when we meet, we’ll both be perfect – no scars, no pains, no #@*&%! cancer, nothing to keep us from running and jumping and playing in total freedom and love.  And our humans will be there too, equally healthy and happy, and free of all confusion and hurt and jealousies and fears.  That’s what I like to think is coming, for all of us.

So as I kiss my dear friend goodbye today, I’ll whimper, knowing I’ll miss her.  But I also say, with all my hope and love…

See you later, Stella.

Love,

Shirelle

0 What to do if someone gets a crush on you

789decision789 asks: What do you do as a teenage facilitator, when your student is madly in love with you?

Hi 789decision789 –

I’m going to assume that the student you describe is younger than you.  My answer would be the same even if they weren’t, but it sure makes it easier if they are.

Given that I am about as adorable a dog as has ever sniffed a tree, I face this problem all the time.  And while it’s nice to be lovable to the world, and it’s great to be really attractive to someone you’re interested in, it really puts you in a tough position when someone you don’t want any romance with (or legally/morally can’t have one with!) lets you know they’re completely smitten with you.

But the reason it’s tough is that you don’t want to Continue reading

1 How to keep a mouse alive

Idontreallylikepie asks: I have a pet snake and feed him two mice a week. One day he ate the first mouse but not the second one. I put the mouse in my snake’s old tank and have leftover mouse food from when I had a hamster. I now have a mouse but have no idea how to care for it until my snake eats it. Please help! I know you always have the answer.

Hi Idontreallylikepie –

Thanks, but I don’t always have the answer; I just always try!

If I’m understanding right, what you’re really asking is how to keep a mouse alive for a week.  I imagine that shouldn’t be a lot of trouble.  Probably it eats the same food as your hamster did (unless it’s so old that it’s gone stale, or moldy – which could possibly even kill it!).  The big deal, I’d think, would be Continue reading

0 What to do with friends who reject you, and then want to be friends again?

adriannaar asks: What should I do if this girl in my class is always mean to me, then nice, then mean, then nice again?! The girl I had the problem with sent me an email saying goodbye, and so I told her goodbye, that I do not want her problems, and angrily said if she were to reply I would block her and she never replied. Then we were talking on the Internet and she said she wants us to be good friends! She is just confusing me – she says goodbye then hello!

Hi adriannar –

As I love to point out, I don’t know much of anything about my pack friends.  I don’t know your real names, I don’t know where you live, I don’t know your ages… and I don’t know if you’re male or female!  If I could sniff you I’d know all these things at once (dogs’ noses are phenomenal!), but over the Internet, I can’t tell anything!

So I might be barking up the wrong tree, as the saying goes.  But one reason why people sometimes behave in this nice/mean/nice/mean way is that they’ve got a Continue reading

0 How to clean the environment

FAHAD asks: How can we clean up the environment?

Hi FAHAD –

Your question is very broad, you know!  When someone says “the environment,” they really mean the area around them, wherever they are.  My environment might be the forest around my doghouse, or the floor of Handsome’s living room.  Right now yours might be your bedroom, or a library, or a classroom.  And how you clean up any one of those is very different.

For example, in the forest, “cleaning up” usually means people cleaning up after themselves, so it’s the same as before they got there (so picking up any trash, etc.).  But in Handsome’s living room, “cleaning up” is much more detailed – it’s about vacuuming, dusting, wiping… making the whole place clean enough for a King and Queen to eat off the floor (which is silly, since I’m the only one who ever Continue reading

0 How to create an interest in artistic creativity

zeni asks: How can I develop interest in artistic creativity in students?

Hi zeni –

It’s a funny thing, but we dogs have absolutely no artistic creativity at all.  We enjoy pretty music and such, but our brains literally cannot create art in the way humans do.  In fact, no one can, except humans.  When a spider spins its gorgeous, intricate web, it has no idea how beautiful it is; it’s only doing what it knows how to do to catch flies.  And when a flower opens, revealing its incredible bright colors to the world, all it knows is that those hues tend to attract bees, which it needs in order to create new flowers.

So in a way, what you’re asking is how to engage your students in becoming human, in the most essential way.

So, how to do that?  Continue reading

0 How to live a successful life

beena asks: Tell me how to spend a successful life.

Hi beena –

I have an answer for you, which might sound cheap at first (or even catty, just about the lowest word I can imagine!).  It’s this: Define what “success” is for you.

The only time one can truly decide whether their life has been successful or not is at the end of it.  So imagine yourself many years from now, old, very happy, feeling your life has been a total success.  Now let your imagination run wild, like me in a field of bunnies!  What has made your life so successful?!

Do you picture Continue reading

0 Which parent should a child choose in a divorce?

Hachiko asks: I think my parents are getting a divorce. Should I be happy or sad (I’m happy)? My dad’s not a good man. My mom’s currently looking for a job, but she won’t get paid much. But my question is: who should I stay with? Clearly, my mom won’t be able to pay my educational expenses, and my dad’s acting very rude with her.

Hi Hachiko –

I have a number of questions on here about divorce, and most of them deal with the fact that the children of the couple feel very bad about it.  The fact that you actually say you’re happy tells me a great deal about your situation.  In particular, it tells me that this divorce is a positive and necessary one, and that it will likely make your, and your mother’s, life better.  I can’t say that, as a loyal pooch, I’m ever glad to hear about people divorcing, but in cases like this, the sad part is what was in the marriage before the couple split, not the split itself.

Divorce is almost purely a legal issue.  So a lot of the things you’re asking about are beyond my knowledge, and will be determined by a court of law.  For example: Will your father have to continue to financially support your mother?  Will your father have to pay child support for you?  Will you have a choice of whom to live with, or will the court determine that for you?!

So your questions might be things you don’t need to worry about at all.  Except, I think, one:  You ask Continue reading

0 What to do if you feel guilty about eating

amber asks: What should I do if I feel guilty when I eat?

Hi amber –

If you’re saying you want to learn to control your diet better, I have some posts here that deal with that issue.  But it sounds like you might be asking something more worrisome: Are you feeling guilty about eating anything?  Are you feeling that you’re doing something wrong by eating?  And if so, is it because you feel you’re doing something cruel or mean to that sandwich, or those carrots, or that cookie?  Or is it that you feel you’re doing something bad to yourself?

As far as the sandwich or carrots idea goes, it sounds to me like you need to accept your Continue reading

2 The Key to Happiness – a new look at the art of wishing

The Key to Happiness – a new look at the art of wishing

A few days ago, I overheard a mother say the most amazing thing.  She had been teaching her three-year-old daughter to blow on dandelions, sending the feathery seeds soaring through the air, and to make a wish when she did it.  But every time she’d ask the little girl what she’d wished for, her daughter would gleefully say, “I wished that you were my mommy!”

Of course, this meant that the girl’s wish always came true.

Someday this tot will learn that that’s not exactly the way the wishing game is supposed to work, but when she starts to do it correctly, she’ll lose something absolutely magical that she has right now.

We dogs are a lot like this.  People wonder why we go so absolutely ballistic-nuts when our humans come home.  Jumping like crazy, racing in circles, barking to wake dinosaurs – why do we do it?  Well, you see, we’ve been waiting at home for hours, maybe all day, miserably alone, and terrified that our people wouldn’t come back.  And more than anything else, we’ve been wishing, wishing so deeply and passionately, that our humans would return… so you see, when they do, when our greatest wish has come true, we go bonkers!

Now you humans have a lot bigger brains than we do, and a better sense of time, so it makes sense that you don’t spend most of your days worrying yourselves sick about whether your dog or another family member will be there when you expect to see them.

But wouldn’t life be a bit better if you… kinda did?!

You see, the reason I first got into writing this website is that I kept seeing people being unhappy.  And I had such trouble understanding why beings who not only had big brains, but could do fun things like buy food at restaurants and walk around without leashes, could possibly be anything but overjoyed all the time.  And then I realized that those giant brilliant brains of yours actually have a bad habit of making you angry or miserable or stuck, and that I might be able to help by reminding you of simpler truths – about running and jumping on people and playing and loving and such.

But I have to admit, this little girl has put me to shame!  She named it all so perfectly, I have to bow down and lick her on the toes.  So I’ll say it straight-out:  This is The Key To Happiness.  To wish, from the bottom of your heart, for something that you have and love.

Lots of psychologists, philosophers, self-help gurus, and religious thinkers have talked over the centuries about an “attitude of gratitude” – the idea that living in a state of thanks creates good energy and a sense of peace.  Then some even suggest that a person can “manifest” the things they want, bring what they want to them, by imagining they already have them and feeling grateful, as though it’s already there.

Well this idea is similar, but just a little different.  It’ll feel kind of stupid when you first try it, but give it a shot anyway:  Pick something that you really love.  And close your eyes and concentrate on it.  Think about how much you love it, and all the things you love about it.  And imagine how different your life would be without it, and let yourself feel the feelings that come up then (loneliness, hurt, longing, hopelessness, whatever).

And then wish, wish hard, that you could have it.  Think of how much better your life would be if you had it!  And when you’ve wished as hard as you can, put it out there, as a statement (“I wish I had a home!”) or a prayer (“Please may I have a home”), or sure, blow on a dandelion.

And then, let yourself remember… you DO have it!  You have that home, or that friend, or that dog, or that piece of candy, or that mommy!  And let yourself be washed over by how great that feels!  It’s like you just got the best present ever!

And then, when you’ve done that, I want you to try one other thing.  Try feeling sorry for yourself.  Try feeling really bad.  Try believing your life is empty and miserable and hopeless…   I’m betting you can’t!

Nope, despite your best efforts, I’ll bet that you’ll then walk through the next hour, or maybe the whole day, feeling a little giddy – because you’re someone whose wish just came true!

Now the one thing that might ruin this is if you then go tell your feelings to someone who’s kind of cynical.  They might respond like you’re crazy: “So what?!  So you have a mommy?  You had her yesterday, didn’t you?  It’s not like she was in danger.  What are you being such a dope about?”

But that’s just because they don’t get it.  They don’t see how magic this is.  So maybe it’s best to keep those feelings to yourself, or only share them with someone you trust to be happy you’re feeling that way.

And if you have a friend like that, someone really great who’ll listen to you and support you and cheer for you… well, then maybe your next wish should be about wishing to have that person as a friend!  After all, friends like that are truly worth wishing for.

As are miraculous moments like my overhearing that conversation.  Hmmm… I think I’m going to do it right now…  “I wish I heard that mom talk about that little girl…  That would really make my day!”

Happy Wishing!

Shirelle