Category Archives for "Adults"

2 What the Hell! – questions about all this apocalyptic stuff

What the Hell! – questions about all this apocalyptic stuff

A couple of months ago, I was peacefully lying on the living room floor, enjoying a lovely dream about the nearby barbecue restaurant having forgotten to shut its kitchen window one night, just enough for me to squeeze in and have my way with the refrigerator… when I was awakened by the television.  Handsome and his friends often watch it, and usually I don’t pay much attention to them.  But this program had such interesting sounds, I couldn’t turn away.

 

All these grotesque humans, with parts of their bodies eaten away, were clumsily clomping after other people, trying to eat them.  I thought this was the oddest thing I’d ever seen.  Then one of Handsome’s friends commented that this is the most popular series on television, at least in our country, for teens and young adults.  “Wow,” I thought, “this must be a particularly strange episode.  The teens I know are always writing me about love and family and school and the pains and joys these things bring.  Not about flesh-eating zombies.”  But no, this show, which most of you’ve probably seen, is always about these monsters, and a few people who are trying to survive the world being taken over by them.

 

I wouldn’t have thought much about that (after all, Handsome’s always loved monster movies), except that then an ad came on for an upcoming movie.  A movie about the end of the world, and how people would survive after it.  And Handsome put the TV on mute, and started talking with his pals about what movies each were looking forward to seeing.  Was it the movie about Tom Cruise in a futuristic Hell, or Matt Damon in a futuristic Hell, or the American comedy about guys who smoke lots of pot facing the end of the world, or the British comedy about guys who drink a lot of alcohol facing the end of the world, or the more serious science fiction movie about the world being destroyed by dinosaurs who fight giant robots, or…

 

They all disagreed about which ones looked better or worse, but then they all said there was one movie they wanted to see, because they’d loved the book so much: the one about how, in a futuristic postwar world, the grownups make starving teenagers fight each other to the death.  Or rather, it’s the sequel to that movie – the original was one of the biggest hits of our time.

 

Which all brings to my little mind one big question:  What in the still-existing world is going on here?!

 

The entertainment industry is not stupid.  They spend billions of dollars to find out what people want to see – especially young people.  Sure they make mistakes (such as betting that millions would want to see their favorite pirate in the old West with a bird on his head), but for the most part, they know what they’re doing.  And what they’re finding – with movies, with TV, with books, with video games, with graphic novels, with EVERYTHING – is that the Apocalypse is huge  today.  Especially when it involves the world attacking teenagers!

 

And what I want to know is: Why?

 

A few years ago it was all about heroic heartthrob bloodsuckers; before that, it was young wizards.  Admittedly, all of these young characters were being attacked too, but there wasn’t the sense that the whole world was villainous.  Voldemort had his minions attacking Harry and his pals, but they were a small part of the world (most of whom were Muggles who had no idea what was going on); Bella’s dad might have been a potential threat to Edward and Jacob, but he was a good man protecting his daughter and community.  But Katniss Everdeen is suffering under a grotesque government, who consider her fight for her life entertainment.  Yucch!

 

Why this?  Why now?

 

Observant pup that I am, I have a few thoughts.  First, you teens have grown up in a very odd time, when it comes to entertainment.  Your parents grew up watching sitcoms and cop shows, and maybe some song-and-dance variety.  But you’ve been raised on “reality” television, especially shows where people battle each other to keep from being “voted off the island,” or where they try to become popular singers while daring cruel insults from scornful judges.  Is this what you’ve grown to expect real life to be?

Second, you’ve grown up in an unclearly-defined world war, where there are often no uniforms, and even nations don’t mean as much as they once did.  Instead the rules of combat are random attacks, hidden bombs, unmanned drones, or hijacked airliners.  One of the more popular TV shows in my country is about that war, where one of the two main characters is mentally ill, and it’s hard to determine which side the other is on.  War is always horrible, but other ones have seemed to make more sense, at least from the outside.

Third, I wonder if the idea of the world ending seems especially realistic to a generation who’s grown up in a time where we’re of drastic consequences to humans’ pollution of the planet.  Mountains of plastic bags and bottles show up in the oceans; animal species are dying off at a rate unlike anything since the dinosaurs; and the atmosphere is heating up at an ever-accelerating rate, resulting in ice melts, changing weather patterns, and countless other shifts we won’t know till they’ve happened.  And no matter how many adults try to pretend all this isn’t actually happening, you kids are facing very unsure futures, and it’s in your faces every day.

 

And last, I wonder if there’s a little bit of craving for the world of these stories.  So many kids today are trapped in worlds with hardly any Nature.  Their parents make them stay indoors, they watch TV or their computer all the time (when they’re not imprisoned in classrooms, which sometimes remind me of pounds) – they suffer from what some call “Nature Deprivation Disorder.”  So how natural then to fantasize about being Katniss with her bow and arrow, or one of those other heroes in a world after technology has failed – and get to feel part of Reality.  What I get to feel when I meet up with my friends and we have a big play fight and tear up a back yard!  I might get cut up or punctured a bit, but it feels so good to do!

 

But is this enough?  Does all this explain the attitudes of this generation?  And is there more to ask?  I love Taylor Swift and Adele, but has there ever been a time before when the two biggest stars in music focus so much about their bitterness about past boyfriends?!

 

My Pack, my favorite people in the world: Are you happy?  Do you feel safe?  Or are you, like Katniss, and Rick and Laurie and Daryl, kind of terrified of what’s out there?   Do you feel like this is your world, that you have the right to step into it and find love and happiness and meaning?  Or are you feeling like it’s all against you, and that you are Never Ever Ever going to get to Roll in the Deep of blissful connection?

 

(Handsome wants me to also ask what you all think about this “Blurred” something?  I don’t know what he means, though, and he refuses to tell me more.  But if you want to tell me about that, too, please do!)

 

I am a very optimistic pooch.  I continue to believe that humans are so smart that even if things get as bad as these movies and books and TV shows show, you’ll find a way out of it somehow.  But I have a tiny brain, I know.  So let me know what you think.

 

And in the meantime, don’t forget to step outside your homes, gaze at a sunset, listen to the birds’ songs, and acknowledge that no matter how bad the world might seem at times, you humans (and we dogs) haven’t completely ruined it just yet.

 

Thanks,

Shirelle

What to do when someone who likes you shies away from you

curiouscutie asks: I’m in grade 10. I met this nice boy in grade 3, and we became good friends (and family friends too) but we never talked in school. Then when we had to leave our elementary school for high school he left to India, but soon came back (but we weren’t in the same classes anymore). Once in 7th grade he came to my class, with some friends, for something. There was a seat empty behind mine, so he sat there with his friends and started talking to me. He was just casually talking to me, but his friends and my friends started teasing us that we liked each other. Soon there were rumors in school that I liked him. Suddenly, he stopped talking to me. He wouldn’t say hi nor would reply to my hi. If he passed me he would ignore me as if I wasn’t there, as if I was invisible. When I joined Facebook I tried to add him but he blocked me. He was behaving very oddly. I thought he believed in the rumors. We have mutual friends in school, and when I hang out with them and see him, he says hi to them and talks to them but ignores me. I don’t know what’s happening. It’s annoying and making me angry. I don’t understand what my fault is – it’s been three years since we have had any interaction! What should I do?

Hi curiouscutie –

 

 

Well, as you know, I am an extremely intelligent and perceptive dog (well, intelligent in some ways!), but I am not psychic.  I can’t read minds, as much as I’d like to.  So I can’t guarantee that I know what’s going on in this boy’s mind.

 

However, I often am a very good guesser.  So I’ll throw my guess at you.

 

And that is that boys around seventh-grade tend to have a TON of things going on in them.  Relationships with friends and family are changing, their bodies are changing, the chemicals inside them are changing, and what they really want and need is often to run away and be by themselves in a deep dark wood for a few months, while at the same time to hang out with only their friends, and at the same time stay home with their families, and at the same time start dealing with their changing attitudes about girls…  and it’s just impossible!  So what they do is to Continue reading

How to kindly reject someone online

Chicken asks: A girl found me on Instagram, and now on kik, and asked if I would date her. I don’t really know how to say no. I wouldn’t date her, but I’ve never been asked out and I don’t know how to reject… Please help!

Hi Chicken –

 

 

Rejection is a funny thing.  We all hate being rejected (oh how it hurt, especially when I was young, and I’d run up to play with people who’d push me away, or dogs who’d get angry and bark and bite at me!).  But of course we all have to do it many times (yes, even us dogs).

 

I think the reason people are so often afraid to reject is because they remember how much it hurt when someone rejected them.  But the truth is, the rejections that hurt the most are usually the Continue reading

1 What to do when you find your best friend is gay

lovelyme asks: I’ve been talking to a girl – as in trying to get to know each other in a passionate way. I’m not gay or a lesbian, but ironically I’m falling for a girl. We exchange few “I love you” and sweet text messages. We kissed a couple of times, and I introduced her to my family. But I’m not ready to go with a girl. Her mom doesn’t know she’s gay. What should I do? I think I kind of brought her in too deep. I like boys and I’m stuck.

Hi lovelyme –

 

 

Issues about attraction between people of the same sex were so hushed over, for so long, that today it all seems to be exploding.  Laws are changing, definitions of institutions and rights are changing, even religions are changing.  It’s huge and exciting, and I think it’s absolutely wonderful (I jump on and lick everyone, and have never cared a bit about the shape of their body!).

 

I bring this up because, in truth, the situation you’re in is very simple, and has nothing to do with being gay or not.  The fact is, you’re attracted to a friend, even falling for her somewhat, but you don’t want to go out with her on a committed basis.  This is about as normal as Continue reading

How to stop thinking about someone who’s great

Cookie Vidal asks: I just got back from camp and I can’t stop thinking about this super cute guy that I met there! How do I stop thinking about him?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Why?

Why would you want to stop thinking about him?  If he’s that great, enjoy it!  Do you need to concentrate more?  If so, I can send you some suggestions for that.  Or do you have a boyfriend who might get jealous from you thinking about another boy this much?  Maybe I can help with that.

 

But in the meantime — I smelled some barbecued ribs yesterday, and am still thinking about how great they smelled, and I hope I still am tomorrow!  Handsome’s a bit annoyed that I’m drooling on everything, but other than that, having that “object of desire” in my brain is GREAT!

 

Cheers,

Shirelle

 

 

Should you date a player?

Mandhie asks: There is this guy in my school who is in the same year as me. The first day I got to the school and saw him, I had a crush on him – and I think he did too, because I noticed him staring at me. Because he is so cute, handsome, tall, and has all the features of a good-looking guy, a lot of girls like him. So far, he’s dated like four of my friends that I know; but since he saw me, he has been trying to ignore his current girlfriend (and my year group teases us both). At times, he smiles to me when they tease us, but I feel too shy to return a smile because I don’t want anything to happen between his current girlfriend and me. Now, apparently, his current girlfriend is dating another guy in the school, so my crush is happy about it and is kind of trying to get into my way, but I don’t like that idea. Though I like him, I don’t like the fact that he has dated a lot of girls and wants to date me too, because I’m not the kind of girl who doesn’t care when they are dumped in a relationship. Also, I have never dated before and have no experience. What should I do?

Hi Mandhie –

Wow, this is a great story!  Handsome likes to watch all these complex shows on TV like the one about the big old house in England, or the one about the ad agency, and this sounds like them!

And in one of those shows, you would be the heroine.

Okay, first of all, as I’ve said on here a lot, there is nothing wrong with Continue reading

How to treat friends who aren’t telling you everything

fourcats asks: I sent you a question about ignorance from friends, and I did what you told me, but they say there is no reason for their distance. I am scared that I will fall in trouble for a thing that I haven’t done. I saw those friends talking with our teacher about a problem, and I think that might be the reason for their behavior. How can I know whether this is my mistake or a misunderstanding about me? And how can I be friends with them again?

Hi four cats –

 

 

I am only a dog.  I have no way of knowing what your friends are thinking or feeling, or what anyone said to your teacher.

 

But here’s the funny thing.  At least for right now, neither do you.

 

Yep, that’s what I said.  You have no idea of what’s going on.  Maybe your friends are blaming you for something horrible that someone else did.  Or maybe not.  Maybe you’re in huge trouble with the teacher.  Or maybe not.  Maybe your friends have actively decided to ignore you because they are furious with you.

 

Or maybe not.

 

So here’s the weird thing about situations like this:  You can Continue reading

Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Except for letters telling me how great the website is or how cute I am (which I of course love!), the subject I get the most emails about is how difficult it is to be a parent.  Funny, isn’t it – it’s what grownups want most badly, what they spend the most money on, what they care the most about… and then it’s what they complain about the most!  (They’re so silly – what I want most badly is Pizza, what I spend the most money on is nothing, since Handsome never gives me any, and what I care the most about is… well, Pizza.  But what I complain the most about?  That’s easy!  If you can’t guess, I’ll give you a hint:  They have pointy ears, a yowling voice, and they climb trees – especially swiftly if they’re being chased by me!).

But I guess I do understand.  I’ve written on here before about how I was a very difficult puppy.  I was super-hyperactive, and full of energy all the time.  And that energy all went into one thing:  DESTRUCTION!  I destroyed a fence, clothes, plants, newspapers, and – just once – an old record album cover (Oh I still get chills when I think of how mad Handsome was about that one!).  And I was constantly biting, pulling, and scratching Handsome.  It’s just amazing he even kept me around long enough to grow up.

Really, there were only two reasons he did:  First, he had faith that I’d mature eventually.  And Second, more importantly, he Continue reading

How to know how to take others’ judgments on your appearance

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’ve been having insecurity issues. I feel like I’m fat, but my mom says I’m not. Is she just saying that because she’s my mom or does she mean it? Also a lot of the kids call me ugly. I don’t think I am, but I am also wondering, if I’m pretty, why don’t boys like me?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

 

 

The whole issue of when someone is “fat” or not is a really tough one.  Although health experts have ideals they push, saying that a person who’s a certain height should weigh a certain amount, those numbers are never perfect.  Some people have heavier density in their bodies – I don’t know what it is exactly; their bones weigh more than other people’s, or their organs do.  Something like that.

 

Then, you get the issue that different people have different ideas of what a body should look like (especially female bodies).  Probably no woman in the last century has been so idealized as Marilyn Monroe.  But her figure would be considered “fat” by a lot of people today.  And those people often idolize models who are unhealthily underweight (or who aren’t, but their photographs are altered to make them look that way!).

 

Now, to add to my confusion, you ask me if your mother is telling you the truth or not.  My friend, I have absolutely no idea!  Maybe your friends are being purposely mean and actually think you look fine.  Maybe they have unrealistic ideas of what your body should look like.  Maybe your mother loves you so much that she’ll always see you as perfect no matter what.  Or maybe, yes, she’s lying to make you feel better.  I have no way of knowing.

 

What I do know, however, is one thing:  The Continue reading

1 How to deal with parents who are addicts

kaylanicole asks: My best friend, who is my stepmom’s niece (so technically my cousin now), and I have been close for years. She’s just spent nine days with her sister, who hates me. Now one minute she’s telling me to “**** off,” and the next saying “I love you.” She has a lot going on too, because her parents are constantly doing drugs and she’s had a rough life, but I always try to be here for her. We have been arguing on and off and it really hurts. I don’t want to lose her or stop talking to her, because I’m already stressed enough (My mom is on pills and heroin real bad and I’m scared she will die soon because she won’t get any help, and my grandma who raised me is in bad health, and my papaw who also raised me passed a year ago). I recently moved out of my grandma’s house because of stress/depression, but now I have it just as bad here. I always feel bad because my grandma tries to get me to move back in and tells me how she needs help and stuff. My nana has Crohn’s disease and is really skinny and in terrible shape. I told my best friend that I have a lot going on. She is one of the people that means the most to me and I just don’t know what to do. She will bring up her sister’s BF’s sister to make me jealous, and she changed her cover photo on Facebook to them, which used to be us most the time. I feel so alone and replaced, and most nights I lay in bed and cry until I’m tired. The depression/stress is taking over.

Hi kaylanicole –

 

 

This is one of the most heartbreaking letters I’ve ever received.  I get mail all the time that tells of pain, heartbreak, or frustration, and I’m usually able to keep my tail wagging and come up with cheerful fun ways to help those people out.  But after reading your letter, I had to go outside and give a big mournful yowl.

 

It’s not that your situation is impossible.  It’s just that it’s so sad.  Both you and your best friend are suffering with parents who are drug addicts.  And that is one of the toughest situations any kid can live in.

 

Now before any readers jump in to say, “Hey, I saw my dad Continue reading

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