Category Archives for "Adults"

0 Should I stay with a girl with another boyfriend?

alixone asks: I am a medical student. I met this girl, my junior in school, two years ago, when she was in a relationship with this guy, a biology student. She told me she couldn’t go out with me, but we could be friends. Then, after a while, we started becoming intimate, but she was still dating her boyfriend – and was willing to marry him. We’ve never had full “sex” but everything but. She used to have some arguments with her boyfriend about him cheating on her, but she wasn’t giving up on him. I was still hanging with her hoping that things might work out in the future, because I really loved her and was intending to spend my life with her as my wife. Now, her boyfriend has finally graduated and she broke up with him. I was thinking it’s time for her to give me a chance, but she has gone on to start dating another guy who is a part-time accountant in a hotel, who was her friend three years before she knew me. Things might get more serious this time: they are from the same local government and village, and he wants to marry her. Now she has travelled to visit him to spend time with him for a week. I will become a doctor this year. She runs some errands for me, such as going to the market and cooking. When she sees me with another girl she gets jealous. I really love her. I have never loved a girl like this before. Right now I am confused and I need your advice please. I can hardly think about any other girl; she is always coming into my thoughts. Do you think I can keep her?

Hi alixone –

I am not a fortune teller, and have absolutely no way of looking into the future.  So I can’t tell you what will happen, or even what could.  But I think I have a pretty good sense of what’s going on right now.

This girl had a boyfriend, but was fooling around with you – who were in love with her.  Then she broke up with her boyfriend, but immediately took on another guy – while still keeping the same relationship she had been having with you.  And from everything you’re saying, she sounds pretty content with the way things are.

So it sounds to me like she’s someone who really likes boys, and treats them well, but is avoiding a full commitment.  As long as she has two guys, she never has to feel like a boy owns or controls her, or that she has to make a decision that will define the rest of her life.

There’s nothing wrong with this, in general.  It’s totally fine for a young person to want her freedom, and to enjoy the fun of romance at the same time.  The only thing wrong is that she seems to have an amazing ability to Continue reading

0 How to show self-confidence without looking conceited

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Recently I’ve had a big opportunity that boosted my self confidence to the highest it’s ever been! I was accepted to be a state finalist at the National American Miss Pageant! Ever since then I’ve found the beauty in myself and I’ve been a lot more confident in myself, but sometimes I feel like I overdo it. So my question is, when does being self-confident turn into being self-conceited? ?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Your question is something I hear about often.   Nice people like you want to enjoy your success and feel pride, but don’t want to come off as too “full of themselves.”  And you wonder what it is that you have to do to manage it correctly.

The answer is simply in how you Continue reading

1 How to know if someone’s playing you

juicy asks: There is a guy I’m falling for, and I’m not sure if he really loves me or not. One of his friends told me that he is falling for a girl from another school, but when he comes online or meets me outside alone, he says “I love you.” I’m not sure if I’m ready to really fall for him. Is he playing me?

Hi Juicy –

As you know, there are a lot of questions on here about how to tell if someone likes/loves you or not.  But you bring up a really interesting other issue.  And I think the answer is pretty simple.

Some people are shy, and although they’re willing to tell someone how they feel about them, they don’t like to do it in public.  They’re afraid it will be embarrassing to the other person, or even to the other people around.  These are the sort of people who really hate doing “PDA’s” – public   displays of affection.  And there is nothing wrong with that (though of course, when it comes to me, I just love jumping on people I like, or am just meeting, and giving them big kisses everywhere!).

So my question is, is this guy one of those people?  Because if so, you have every right to Continue reading

0 Does numerology work?

Shizuka blue asks: Are the numerology sites true? Just for fun, I checked my numerology report. It says that I am good but the faults I have read about me made me worry. Now, its like I am trying to judge myself whenever I do something, and it’s made me quite depressed. Before, I took it as a game but after having read it, I am afraid I really bear those traits. I don’t know how to get these thoughts out of my mind. Can you help?

Hi Shizuka blue –

As a dog, I believe in a very few things.  I believe in my own heart, I believe enormously in my human friend Handsome, and I believe in the awesomeness of the whole world around me (including the things I can’t see, like love and magic and the voices that come to us in the middle of the night from nowhere).

There’s also a lot I don’t not believe, but don’t understand.  I know there’s such a thing as Nuclear Physics, but I can’t pretend to grasp one proton of it!  I know there’s an infinite universe out there, but I can’t comprehend something that goes on forever.  I know there’s a number called Pi that also goes on forever that’s the key to how a circle is defined, but I can’t tell you all of it, or why it works.  I know that our physical makeup, and maybe lots more, is determined by incredibly small strands called DNA that hold more information than the biggest computer… but that completely mystifies me!

So when it comes down to any method that says it can predict the future, or personalities, or anything else like that, my answer is always, “Could be.  I have no idea.”

But I will admit that Numerology is a particularly Continue reading

0 Should an adult leave home or help their family?

Agnes asks: I’m kind of lost in the middle of this world, bringing me to stress & depression. I’m a 32-year-old woman, working in Sales operations, and I just broke up with my boyfriend. But that is not my problem, because I know it’s totally over. My big dilemma is that I’m currently living in the City, but since my Mother and other family back at hometown found out about the end of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, they have several times asked me to come back for good and run our small family business there. The problem is it’s hard for me to leave this city. I have been here for fifteen years, since I was in Primary school, and I’m comfortable here. And I have this thought, that when you go back to your hometown, it means you failed to make a living in the city. At the same time, I know Family is a priority, and a good future waits for me if I continue my family business (my current job is just for survival income). I really need your advice. Should I continue living in the city or go back? With my unstable emotions these days, I really don’t know what to do with my life now.

Hi Agnes –

The problem you’re having, Agnes, is a universal one.  Everyone struggles between the wish for the security and stability of home, and the desire to determine their own life.  Even look at us dogs – we’re so loyal to our humans, but always digging and clawing to find ways to get out of our homes and go explore.

The issue is the timing.

With us, it’s pretty simple.  Most of us start as puppies, afraid to be away from our mother or other caretakers, but then as we get more confident, we struggle to get away whenever we can.  Then eventually we mature, and get to loving staying near our human or dog friends, and guarding our homes.

With you people, though, it seems to come in waves.  You’ll be a toddler hiding behind your mother’s leg, then a few months later, you’re the kid scurrying around the mall with all the adults frantically trying to find you.  Then you’ll become the home-bound kid who wants to play video games all day and not even go out with friends, but then turn into the teenager who can’t stand having to leave their peers and be home by a curfew.

As adults, except for the most confident humans, things often get determined by who else is in their life.  So, for example, you, Agnes, were content to live in the city as long as your boyfriend was there.  It’s only after that relationship ended that you’re feeling pulled in two directions.

So, naturally, I have two thoughts on this.  The first is that, if there’s a really major Continue reading

0 How to keep from crying

Shizuka blue asks: What’s the best way to hide tears? My friends say that I am very emotional and a bit short tempered. Can you tell me how I could control my tears and anger when I need to?

Hi Shikuza blue –

One big difference between humans and dogs is that humans are taught to hide their feelings, a lot.  If someone steps on my tail and I give a loud yelp, no one thinks that means I’m less tough, or less cool, that they thought before.  But when a person reacts to life in an honest, emotional way, your friends get uncomfortable – they don’t know how to deal with you; it’s as if you’re suddenly like a child, or demanding too much of them.

It’s all really weird.

What I want you to do is to work to develop exactly the skills you ask for – and no more!

What I mean by that is that I want you to learn to find ways to keep yourself from showing anger or hurt when showing them isn’t a good idea – but never to keep yourself from feeling them.

Your feelings are the core of who you are, Shikuza blue!  Your love, your anger, your hatred, your fears… they truly are what make you you.  Shutting those feelings down makes about as much sense as tying your arms up or covering your whole head and body in a burlap sack!

But just as we dogs do have to learn, at times, to stay quiet, or stay still, you can learn to hold those reactions in.

The best suggestion I have is probably the opposite of what you usually try – and that is to Continue reading

0 Is it good to start a long-distance relationship?

Wolfy asks: Ever heard the phrase, “If you love something set it free; if it comes back it’s yours; if not it never was”? There is a guy who was in my fifth grade class, who now is in my middle school. We never really got to know each other in 5th grade and I did not “like” him. Now in middle school it is the same story… or at least it was at the beginning. Every week he has a new girlfriend; he is now your classic modern teenage boy with the cute hair and every thing. I found though that he is very smart and is very much like me and my other friends. I found that he is acting – covering up who he really is. I am a weird person and so is he – I can just tell. Back to the phrase, would that phrase count in this problem? He will be going to a different high school than me. I figure that if me and my friends an hour away from me can stay in touch, that maybe me and him can. It would be even better than the situation with my friends because it would be easier to go out on dates. The thing I am most afraid of is Life. Life has messed up every situation with someone I love. My dad, and my friends. There is little left but it is growing back. I like this boy but I am not so sure about it. “It” as in actually dating. “It” as in hurting again. My dad and my friends leaving me within the same month was hard and it has not been even a year. What do you think?

Hi Wolfy –

To my mind, you’re really asking two questions, or at least you’re bringing up two things.  One is about whether this boy going to high school far away will bring you closer.  The other is about your fear of what Life does.

That famous line about letting something go probably was originally written about a dog – don’t you think?  We’re so loyal to those we love, but we’re always pulling to get away and sniff the world out.  So it’s a great test with a dog to let it go and see if or when it comes back.  And if it doesn’t, yeah, it probably wants to be with someone else.  (Of course, in a city, there are a lot of very good reasons not to try this experiment – cars, police, dog-nappers… keep that pup HOME!)

But it also does apply to people, especially with romance.  If you’re dating someone and they say they need space, it’s very normal to suddenly cling all the tighter to them.  Which is likely to make them feel suffocated.  Whereas if you say “okay, go ahead,” you might well find that they come back to you, happy and refreshed.

But this boy, at least if I’m understanding your letter right, doesn’t currently have a relationship with you, right?  So what you’re asking is whether or not to become Continue reading

0 What do dreams mean?

Wolfy asks: Dreams are weird. That is a fact of life. There are also many myths about them. There is one myth I have been wondering about… If someone is thinking about you, that you will dream about them. I think it maybe is true? Maybe, as a common species, our minds are connected telepathically, which could explain why we get those feelings, like someone is watching us, or other little feelings we get that involve other humans. We know that people think about other people of course. The question I am asking is if someone thinks about you, will you dream about them?

Hi Wolfy –

Dreams are ridiculously cool.  Whenever I think about them, my mind just goes haywire.  Think about it – during your waking hours, your brain is working hard to take in all sorts of information (what you see, what you hear, smell, touch, and taste, what people are saying to you, what you need to remember to do later today… and so much more!), but when you sleep, it does its own thing, presenting images and stories that have nothing to do with what’s happening directly around you.  And we all do it – if you’ve never watched a dog fighting or hunting in its sleep, you have an enormous treat ahead of you!

And so for years, the greatest minds have struggled to figure out exactly what dreams are.  Some people say they tell the future.  Some say they’re our channel to learn what God wants us to know.  Sigmund Freud said they’re repressed parts of our personalities coming out.  Carl Jung said their our connection to the Collective Unconscious, a world of meaning shared by all.

And what do I think?

I have Continue reading

0 How to get past a trauma

Cashy asks: I am socializing now, but only with people I am familiar with. But I always feel awkward around boys I don’t interact with much (friends of friends mainly). I see them on a daily basis but I am still not comfortable with them. I am very quiet when I am around them. And I don’t like staying around boys when I am the only girl there, even if my guy best friend is there – I usually leave when my girl best friend leaves without even a goodbye. And I don’t actually know why. I have two theories as to why I am so awkward around them. One could be because I spent most of my childhood with no boys, only my sisters, or it could be because I was molested several times by different people when I was younger. Do you think my social awkwardness around unknown people is because I was molested? I mostly feel awkward around boys but I also feel awkward around normal people (waiters, cashiers, etc.). How can I cure myself of this? For example, I had several flashbacks of my molestations today, so I was super quiet. Should I share this with my friends? I shared this with one friend already who had been molested once too, and it felt better to know that I am not alone. So I want to tell another best friend, who I highly doubt has been molested. How do I move on with my life with knowing what happened to me? I know you would like me to see a therapist, but I would like to recover first without one. But if I am not able to move on, I will see a counselor if necessary.

Hi Cashy –

We dogs aren’t known for subtlety or “beating around the bush.”  So I’ll jump in on this one the same way I would on a squirrel or a pizza:  Yes, I think your social awkwardness is absolutely related to having been molested!  And yes, I want you to seek out better help than this loving, caring pup can give.

Here’s the deal.  Of course I don’t know the details of what was done to you, but children live in a world where they feel vulnerable and attacked all the time – a mean kid, an angry parent, a mean teacher, or (I hate to admit it but) a nasty dog all are really frightening to kids.  And yet, somehow they survive all that, and learn from it, and are able to grow into healthy adults.  But sometimes, an adult does things to a child that go beyond what’s normally Continue reading

0 How to create an advice website

Doglover 101 asks: You’ve given me great advice and inspired me to help others with their problems. Surprisingly, they think I’m good at it! My teacher also thinks I’m a pretty good author (So good she said I was the best author in the class). So um… I was thinking that maybe… Maybe I could have a website to give advice like you? But I’d be a human. So if I was ready enough maybe you could give me some tips to help me give advice to people all around the world. But only if you think it would be a good idea – and if running the type of website that you have (e.g. categories, banner art, links etc.) is free. What do you think?

Hi Doglover101 –

One great thing about what I do with this site is that there’s no sense of competition. People come to this site because they like what I say. If they don’t like my point of view, they go to other sites. And I’m not here to say my ideas are better or worse than the ones on those other sites – they’re just mine. So I have no problem with you starting a site too. But your concerns are correct – it’s quite a bit of work.

To begin with, creating any website takes some work and some money. I have been very lucky to have two incredible designers to help me create mine – one who did it for the first year or so (while it was being built), and then another who’s done it ever since. And that last one, Sherice, brought in the amazing Martin, the artist who has made all those gorgeous pictures you see on the different pages. And yes, while their prices were extremely reasonable, I did have to pay them for the work (well, actually, Handsome paid them – we pups don’t have a lot of ways to make money for ourselves).

Then I spent a lot of time getting questions from my friends and Handsome’s, so that we’d have some material on the site when it opened. And those took a lot of time to answer, of course.

Then, the biggest issue became Continue reading