How to show self-confidence without looking conceited

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Recently I’ve had a big opportunity that boosted my self confidence to the highest it’s ever been! I was accepted to be a state finalist at the National American Miss Pageant! Ever since then I’ve found the beauty in myself and I’ve been a lot more confident in myself, but sometimes I feel like I overdo it. So my question is, when does being self-confident turn into being self-conceited? ?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Your question is something I hear about often.   Nice people like you want to enjoy your success and feel pride, but don’t want to come off as too “full of themselves.”  And you wonder what it is that you have to do to manage it correctly.

The answer is simply in how you feel in your core.

You see, what’s really ugly in “conceited” people is their phoniness.  They don’t actually feel good about themselves; they put on a show of glamour or self-confidence, and it’s that fakeness that turns everyone else off.

Whereas someone who feels true self-confidence is able to exude kindness, warmth, and generosity, from a place of knowledge of their beauty.

There are a few big celebrities who’ve totally nailed it.  Diana, Princess of Wales, was absolutely a master.  She was a lovely woman, and especially photogenic.  When she married Prince Charles, the British people were not especially loving toward their monarchy.  But Diana was something different from what they were used to.  She loved to dress fashionably, but she also loved the people, and she went about them, dancing, helping, whatever she could do.  And she was adored.

Another great beauty who was universally loved was Audrey Hepburn, the movie star.  Like Diana, she never pretended to be anything other than a beautiful woman who liked dressing in the best clothes, but she also exuded kindness and warmth, and devoted a lot of her life to causes she believed in.

I don’t know that anyone ever referred to either of these women as “conceited” or “vain.”  Their good works and their kindness overwhelmed those aspects of them.

So when you say you sometimes feel you “overdo it,” my guess is you’re right.  Instead, try underdoing it.  Try keeping your good posture, and remembering that you’ve been blessed with good looks, but putting your focus onto others, and doing something kind for them.

Actually, I’ll give you another example of what I mean by being real, and that’s… me!  Like other dogs, I couldn’t care a cat’s hairball about fashion or vanity, but when I walk around, people often comment on how beautiful I am.  While all my focus is on them, or smells, or some animal a hundred yards away.  But if I get to chase that animal, and if I catch it, oh you will see my chest puff up like you wouldn’t believe!  I will walk around feeling such pride!

And that’s the key word:  I will be FEELING such pride.  It won’t be about how I look to others, it will just be about how I’m feeling.  And just like Diana and Audrey, no one would ever call me vain – they’d just see my beautiful and very real pride.  They’d see my connection to nature, not my posing for anyone.

So that’s my answer, prettyndsweet12.  Be yourself.  Be true to yourself.  And as yourself, enjoy the attention, enjoy the compliments, and let everyone see that you appreciate all that they’re giving you.

And if you do, they will appreciate your beauty – not just your pretty face or nice figure, but the true beauty that I know shines out from your heart and soul.



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