Category Archives for "Adults"

0 How to tell how someone feels about you when they’re being careful of your feelings

Pennelope0214 asks: I’m trying to figure out if a guy is in love with me. Check out the following points: 1. I asked him once if he loved me, he said “kind of.” When I asked him to elaborate, he said it’s not love but strong liking. I don’t know, I think he lied. 2. He’s asked if I want to take things further, but then has said he knows I am not ready. 3. I’ve never seen lust in his eyes, I don’t know if it’s love but definitely, it’s not lust. 4. He gets jealous when he sees me with the guy I had a history with. 5. Recently we had a little quarrel since he said he is testing me; later on he said he was just joking and kind of reacted badly. The next day, when we were having breakfast, we didn’t even look at or talk to each other. At school, we came across each other a few times but behaved like complete strangers. Later on that day, it was raining, he was playing football and I walked passed there joyously with the same guy I had a history with; when I was returning to the hostel a text came “I am sorry I reacted that much” from him. When we were talking about that, he said he doesn’t want to lose another best friend due to such silly quarrel and asked me to look into his eyes and tell him what I see. So, Shirelle, do you see something or am I being stupid?

Hi Pennelope0214 –

Okay, your question is pretty normal, or should I say universal. People in relationships give mixed signals – they’re scared to express something, unsure of their own feelings, worried about the other person… and these are the really good people I’m talking about. So my sense is that he’s clearly interested, but he’s very confused about what to do.

I don’t know how jealous he is of the other guy. I imagine he’s just really perplexed – he wants you romantically, but he’s also being careful about you and your past. So he has to wonder if you really know your own feelings, your own heart. I’m not sure it’s time for you guys to take things super-far physically anyway, but I sure understand why he’s scared to.

This guy wants you to be strong and together, just as I do. But in general it’s clear he cares a LOT about you, and is trying to do everything just right.

Annoying as this is (especially to us dogs), my best advice is to give him more time.  Let him grow in his trust of you and your stability.

But at the same time, jumping up on him and giving him a big smooch when he’s not expecting it is exactly what I’d do – and at the right moment, it could be downright brilliant for you!

OH I’D LOVE THIS TO WORK!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 Should I be with a guy who wants two girlfriends?

Blck-pantha asks: Recently I sent you a message about my boyfriend who has a second girlfriend. I confronted him and asked him to choose, but he refused and told me he couldn’t, and that he’d rather break up with the both of us. What should I do?

Hi Blck-pantha –

I have to admit, I’m shocked.  He really said he’d rather break up with both of you than have just one girlfriend?!

Well, I hate to say it, but I think he just answered your question for you.  He’s being odd, but he’s being honest.  He wants to have two girlfriends, and he’s saying it very openly.

So I have just one question for you:  Would you be okay having a boyfriend who has another girlfriend?

If your answer is yes, then there’s no big problem – you two can date and see what you think of each other over more time.

But if your answer is no, then he’s simply not the right guy for you.  Even if the other girl broke up with him, it sounds like he’d be out looking for another to replace her.

So I’m guessing I know which of these you’d say, but it’s really up to you.  What sort of guy do you want to be with?  Once you decide, the choice of what you should do ought to become very clear.

Best of Luck!

Shirelle

0 What to do when you crave to do something new

Anonymous asks: Recently I have been wanting to do something new. So I was thinking about getting a new piercing but I’m not allowed as I am still quite young. So what else can I do to do something new? Got any suggestions? Thanks Anonymous

Hi Anonymous –

I LOVE THIS QUESTION!

It’s not that easy to answer, but I love it!  Because it’s so the opposite of what I’m usually hearing from humans (of all ages) – “Oh my life is dreary, there’s nothing to do about it, I’ll just watch more TV because there’s no way there’s anything else to do.”

I hate getting shots, so the idea of a piercing just sounds awful to me.  But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong to want one – it’s just something I’d never choose (if I’m going to take a chance on my skin getting pierced, I’d rather do it by chasing that stinky cat from down the street and seeing who wins when we connect!).

So here’s the simple truth – I don’t know you well enough to answer your question.  Because the real answer to “what can I do to do something new” is  Continue reading

0 How to treat your boyfriend or girlfriend who’s losing trust in you out of grief

admo1900 asks: There is a girl I am in love with. We have been in a relationship for two and half years. Some problems arose in our relationship when her parents pressured her to get married. Then a tragedy happened in her life – she lost her father. Now she thinks I never supported her through it, although I did what I could at that time. There is another friend she is getting close to, but I know the guy, and what he is showing her is not good. I want to marry her and I don’t know whether she’ll choose me or not. I love her the most, more than her own family, but she never understands this. What should I do to make our bond stronger than it was before?

Hi admo1900 –

Wow, this is a really sad, terrible situation. And it certainly makes sense to me, I think. Let me try:

You and this girl have been involved for a while, and her parents had some concerns about the relationship. Then her father, who I’m sure she loved dearly, died. She felt awful, and I’m sure all sorts of mixed feelings came in – including guilt about her relationship with you. (Even though you were supportive, and even if you never did anything wrong, it’s normal for a girl to feel like having a boyfriend is kind of like cheating on her father, the first man in her life). So now she’s pulling away from you, maybe even to the point of getting involved with a not-good guy.

I wish I had an easy answer for you, but there isn’t one. The only thing you can do is just what people have been asking us pups to do over and over again for all time: sit, stay, and heel.

First, Sit: You want to do Continue reading

0 How to treat a sibling who treats you badly out of jealousy

Bubbles asks: As we’ve discussed, my family doesn’t trust my boyfriend. Now he’s going to go to talk to my parents. He said that he will answer any questions that they want him to answer. So that any misunderstanding will be cleared and the truth will be clear. I am so happy about it and he already set a date. But to be honest I am worried. Recently my sister took a picture of my conversation with my boyfriend through my messenger account and even from my phone. It was also due to me being careless that I forgot to logout. Of course it contains a lot of information about the two of us – conversations and some really private pictures. She even recorded my actions from our cctv since I am handling some of our family business and made me look like I am stealing. She spread the pictures and the video to all our relatives. Now everyone just keeps on judging me. There are times when I will attend a gathering and see my relatives give me a look of disappointment and disgust. Some even ignore me like I don’t exist, so I just stay in a corner, waiting for the event to finish, or I just make an excuse just for me to leave earlier. It hurts so much that your own flesh and blood will do those things to you. Even when I explained to them they won’t listen or believe me. I confronted my sister about what she did. She told me that as long as I will follow what my parents want then she will not spread the pictures. But I told her that she could do whatever she likes with it. I will stand for my decision. And then here she comes accusing me of stealing, ruining my whole reputation to where my relatives don’t trust me. I ended up punching her for what she did. How did I end up having a sister like her?!

Hi Bubbles –

I’m beginning to change my mind.  Not about you moving in with your boyfriend, he sounds just wonderful.  But about what the problem is.

I used to think it was people worried about you being treated right, or about concerns about morals and religious rules.  But I’m beginning to think those are just excuses.

I have absolutely no idea what your sister’s motivations were, but there was NO NEED for her to send that stuff around, and she certainly had NO RIGHT to get into your phone like that.  I imagine she actually committed a crime, depending on where you live.

So while I’m not a fan of punching, I sure understand how you were driven to hit her.  But I want to suggest something completely different: I would love you to Continue reading

0 How to handle a boyfriend or girlfriend who won’t stop talking about how great their ex was

Lawrence asks: Why do men talk about their ex to their current girlfriend? My boyfriend had numerous lovers in the past. Among those, there is one whom he spoke about in great details. How beautiful she was, how he sees her face, when he followed her to another city, how she was a look alike of another young actress, how he sneaked in order to be with her. It is intimidating and I am deeply hurt. When I spoke to him and asked him if she still loves her, he said no with conviction. He said I am giving such a big fuss over nothing because she is past. I gave him the chance to break up with me and search for his ex if his heart still belongs to her, but he said he will not search for her because he already found his love, which according to him, is me. My question is why would a man talk about his ex to his current girlfriend? And not just a passing conversation, he gave such vivid details.

Hi Lawrence –

My human Handsome loves to talk about the dogs he loved before he met me, and it’s never bothered me.  But I’ll be honest with you – I wonder if it’s because he always tells me that I’m his all-time favorite, and always will be.  Maybe if I wasn’t so sure, I’d be bothered when I heard about how smart Wolfgang was, or how sweet and lovable that dumb little Ygor was.

Of course, I really can’t answer your actual question.  I’d have to be able to read your boyfriend’s mind.  Perhaps he’s been trying to be honest with you, and not keep secrets?  Perhaps he’s afraid you’ll meet her someday and he wants you to be prepared.  Or is he actually playing games with you, trying to make you jealous?  I don’t know.

But I want you to try an experiment for me.  There’s a great Continue reading

0 How to deal with someone embarrassed about sexual inexperience

Rainbow asks: I have a close friend of mine (guy) in university, so close that we can’t do without seeing each other for a day. But lately I notice that he has being avoiding me, not picking up my calls, etc. Then he told me the reason why he has being avoiding me. He said he does not want to hurt me (hurt me in the sense that he is a flirt); he told me his secret, for me to know the type of person he his. It’s that he’s very embarrassed that he’s had many girls who’ve been ‘friends with benefits,’ but he’s never had sex. He told me he loves me. I love this guy but I don’t want to lose him. Should I just let him go???

Hi Rainbow –

I have to admit, I’m a little confused.  He avoided you, then said it was because he didn’t want to hurt you, and then told you “his secret” so you’d know the type of person he is…  But I think the news is very good.  He’s being shy, and probably feels like he’s not good enough for you, or at least experienced enough.  Your job is to let him know that you heard him, you heard all he said to you, and that you still care about him.

You don’t even necessarily have to let him know how much you love him.  Just let him know he’s accepted and cared for.  And that you really want to keep your relationship going.  Over time you two can see if you want to make it more, but for now, just the relationship you’ve had is already more than he probably feels he deserves.

Between you and me, it is just AMAZING how nervous and embarrassed human males get over things like this.  When human females (and us dogs) often find it very sweet that the guy is inexperienced.

So just find ways to let him know you’re still there, and that you really care about him.  And I think you’ll get your friend back – and maybe a lot more.

All my best,

Shirelle

0 Should I trust a guy who’s too nice to others?

Pennelope0214 asks: I’ve been dating a guy, but few days back I got to know about a senior who talks to him and doesn’t like me. So we were on a walk when she called him and as usual asked me if he was with me, to which he lied in front of me that he wasn’t with me. The next day I told him that if he has to lie to be with me then he shouldn’t be with me, and he cleared out by saying that she doesn’t like me and that he cannot tell her that he is with me because it may hurt her. He also said that he thinks that senior girl likes him but he has no feelings for her and if she confronts him he’ll directly say no and that I am his best friend, he expects me to understand this. When I insisted he said we are not in a relationship and that I can leave him if this is the case. I told him that he is hurting me and protecting others, to which he held my hand and said that he likes me and has feelings for me but he won’t say anything to that senior because according to him they are not that close. I told him that I get attached too easily and would like to protect myself this time. In the end I also said that I won’t talk about this topic ever again, I’ve said enough now it’s upon you to decide. I learned later on that he gifts her many things even if there is no occasion and that she made his projects. I don’t know what to do. What if he likes that senior and is lying to me about “us” but wants to be in a physical touch with me too? Should I stop being more than friends with him or should I let this thing go?

Hi Penelope0214 –

You are absolutely correct to question whether he is telling you the truth about this girl.  After all, we know that he has lied to her about you.

And if so, yes, there are many possibilities of what he might feel or think or be doing.

But we have no way of knowing those yet.  Instead, I just want to talk about the person he says he is.

Which seems to be a very nice guy – but maybe not what you need to get closer to right now.

Notice that I used the word “nice guy.”  I am a very sweet and loving dog, but I also bark, growl, and even bite (I haven’t bitten a person on purpose since I was a puppy, but if someone was hurting my Handsome, OH would they suffer!).  And I’m a hellacious fighter – whether for fun or for serious.  So while people might say “nice doggie” to me, I’m not really nice in the way some people mean.

You see, “nice” often means a person who avoids conflict, who tries to please everyone, who doesn’t put their own feelings out there.  And in many ways a person like that can be pretty great to be around.  But in the end, you can’t fully depend on them as much as you might want to.

My human Handsome has had this problem a lot in his life.  He’s gotten better over time (he credits me as his role-model!), but he’s had lots of experiences where he let friends – and people who weren’t really friends – take advantage of him, in ways he grew to resent.  And the simple fact is that, when he was this way, he wasn’t someone anyone could fully count on.

Now this guy is saying to you that he isn’t in love with this other girl, and he really cares for you, but because she doesn’t like you he doesn’t tell her about you.  I’m willing to believe him.  But if that’s true, then he’s Continue reading

0 How to deal with a date who treats you badly

Reena asks: I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I found he’d lied to me about his age. On Tinder it was mentioned 31, in his car he tells me he’s 34. He asked me where we should go next – a coffee shop or a hotel !? Ouch. Wow ! He tried to get physical, I didn’t let him cross a certain line. After that, when I reached home, he didn’t message me; I had to. Then he tell me in the evening that he isn’t looking to date anyone right now or get into a relationship, he’s not in that mind frame !! Wow ! Honestly Shirelle, I won’t bore you with details of how I feel at the moment. Chemistry is something that is very Black and White. You either have it with someone or you don’t. You can’t fake that. I took my time before meeting this guy in person. Though like most guys on Tinder he was pressurizing me to meet up. I took my time, till that trust was developed. He is a master manipulator! Or he simply doesn’t know what he wants. Then three days ago, he started an argument with me because I was at a guy friend’s house. This friend of mine had invited me to his place because he’d bought a new flat with an amazing view and he was very excited to show me his new place, that’s why I went. This Tinder guy started asking me questions like 1) Are you alone with him 2) Are you having fun 3) Did he flirt with you or try to kiss you 4) Why are you so eager to make out with him This actually irritated me to no end but I didn’t say anything. Deep down inside I really wanted to give it back to him. Shirelle, this guy tells me he can’t date me or give me a relationship. He has no right to ask me such questions. He is not my boyfriend! The moment a guy says he wants to keep things casual, he loses his right to ask your whereabouts and who you’re with. He loses his right to jealousy and possessiveness. And this is the same guy who told me when we met, that he doesn’t like possessive behavior!?? Wow ! Either double standards or he simply doesn’t know what he wants. What do you think??

Hi Reena –

Hmmm… let me see…  how can I put this…

0 How to deal with your fiancé having an ex

HELP asks: My fiance is divorced with two kids, and we are so much in love with each other. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. But how can I be sure his ex-wife is going to be completely out of the picture? He is 32 years and I am 22 years. Though he has proven to me beyond doubt the love he has for me, I am a bit scared his ex-wife might still be in the picture. He is ready to see my family and marry me. Is this going to work out?

Hi HELP –

You really ask two questions.  And the second one I can’t possibly answer – I’m only a friendly dog, not a psychic or fortune teller, so I can’t tell you whether this will work out in the long run (any more than I can to anyone else).  Though it sounds pretty good!

But I can answer your concerns about his ex-wife.  Here goes:

Yes.

Unless this man is a lousy father who’s planning on ignoring his children for the rest of their lives, you are not just looking at marrying one person.  You would marry him, his kids, and her.  As she’s their mother, she’ll be involved in every part of their lives, and because of that, she’ll be involved in his life at least until the kids become adults.  He will have to co-parent with her, work out logistics with her, and very possibly pay money to her, for that whole time.

And you would almost certainly have your own relationship to her as well.  On one hand, there’ll just be the simple stuff where, say, you were supposed to pick the kids up from school and you get a flat tire, so you phone her and ask if she can get them.  On the other, maybe you two could become friendly enough that you can someday ask her advice on how to deal with him when he’s being difficult!

(Or, maybe she’ll always see you as a threat, and say nasty things about you, and try to turn the kids against you, and even try to win her ex-husband back from you!)

Now someone with a sense of humor might want to write in here that Continue reading