How to deal with someone embarrassed about sexual inexperience

Rainbow asks: I have a close friend of mine (guy) in university, so close that we can’t do without seeing each other for a day. But lately I notice that he has being avoiding me, not picking up my calls, etc. Then he told me the reason why he has being avoiding me. He said he does not want to hurt me (hurt me in the sense that he is a flirt); he told me his secret, for me to know the type of person he his. It’s that he’s very embarrassed that he’s had many girls who’ve been ‘friends with benefits,’ but he’s never had sex. He told me he loves me. I love this guy but I don’t want to lose him. Should I just let him go???

Hi Rainbow –



I have to admit, I’m a little confused.  He avoided you, then said it was because he didn’t want to hurt you, and then told you “his secret” so you’d know the type of person he is…  But I think the news is very good.  He’s being shy, and probably feels like he’s not good enough for you, or at least experienced enough.  Your job is to let him know that you heard him, you heard all he said to you, and that you still care about him.


You don’t even necessarily have to let him know how much you love him.  Just let him know he’s accepted and cared for.  And that you really want to keep your relationship going.  Over time you two can see if you want to make it more, but for now, just the relationship you’ve had is already more than he probably feels he deserves.


Between you and me, it is just AMAZING how nervous and embarrassed human males get over things like this.  When human females (and us dogs) often find it very sweet that the guy is inexperienced.


So just find ways to let him know you’re still there, and that you really care about him.  And I think you’ll get your friend back – and maybe a lot more.


All my best,


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