How to tell how someone feels about you when they’re being careful of your feelings

Pennelope0214 asks: I’m trying to figure out if a guy is in love with me. Check out the following points: 1. I asked him once if he loved me, he said “kind of.” When I asked him to elaborate, he said it’s not love but strong liking. I don’t know, I think he lied. 2. He’s asked if I want to take things further, but then has said he knows I am not ready. 3. I’ve never seen lust in his eyes, I don’t know if it’s love but definitely, it’s not lust. 4. He gets jealous when he sees me with the guy I had a history with. 5. Recently we had a little quarrel since he said he is testing me; later on he said he was just joking and kind of reacted badly. The next day, when we were having breakfast, we didn’t even look at or talk to each other. At school, we came across each other a few times but behaved like complete strangers. Later on that day, it was raining, he was playing football and I walked passed there joyously with the same guy I had a history with; when I was returning to the hostel a text came “I am sorry I reacted that much” from him. When we were talking about that, he said he doesn’t want to lose another best friend due to such silly quarrel and asked me to look into his eyes and tell him what I see. So, Shirelle, do you see something or am I being stupid?

Hi Pennelope0214 –



Okay, your question is pretty normal, or should I say universal. People in relationships give mixed signals – they’re scared to express something, unsure of their own feelings, worried about the other person… and these are the really good people I’m talking about. So my sense is that he’s clearly interested, but he’s very confused about what to do.


I don’t know how jealous he is of the other guy. I imagine he’s just really perplexed – he wants you romantically, but he’s also being careful about you and your past. So he has to wonder if you really know your own feelings, your own heart. I’m not sure it’s time for you guys to take things super-far physically anyway, but I sure understand why he’s scared to.


This guy wants you to be strong and together, just as I do. But in general it’s clear he cares a LOT about you, and is trying to do everything just right.


Annoying as this is (especially to us dogs), my best advice is to give him more time.  Let him grow in his trust of you and your stability.


But at the same time, jumping up on him and giving him a big smooch when he’s not expecting it is exactly what I’d do – and at the right moment, it could be downright brilliant for you!





All my best,


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