Monthly Archives: October 2012

0 What to do when your girlfriend doesn’t want sex

jaatt asks: I am very shy. I want to have sex with my girlfriend, but she doesn’t like sex. So please tell me how I can force her into happy sex.

Hi jaatt –

Okay, let’s start with one simple statement, that means a GIGANTIC amount:  You should not, EVER, force anyone into sex.

I realize that lots of my Pack members aren’t that great with English, and so you might not have meant your question the way it came out.  But that’s really the point about this issue: you need to be extra-super-careful to make sure of two things:  first, that you never make someone feel like they’re being forced into sex; and second, that you never let anyone misinterpret that you have Continue reading

0 How to treat PTSD?

sazuna45 asks: My cousin is almost sixteen, and she’s had PTSD since she was thirteen. Now there are many reasons behind PTSD, but everything has been cut out, except for sexual abuse. She says there’s a high chance she’s been sexually abused (not raped, luckily). She says she doesn’t remember the full incident, just bits. She’s generally happy now, not knowing and moving on and all. But there are still hard times and her PTSD is getting worse. There’s no way to cure PTSD, as everyone says but it can get better. Right? Can you please suggest something that’ll make her PTSD get better?

Hi sazuna45 –

PTSD is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days.  People tend to think of it as a bad reaction to something bad that happened to them.  Actually, it’s pretty specific, and pretty awful.  The letters stand for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It is a psychological condition brought on by something so traumatic as to be either life-threatening, or – and this is important – “a threat to the physical integrity of oneself or others.”  So while lots of us can suffer the effects of something scaring us (“Paranormal Activity” anyone?!  Or that night I had a nightmare that I was attacked by a gang of Siamese Continue reading

3 Why would a well-cared-for teenager act out?

Nunu asks: We are a family of five. This is my and my husband’s second marriage each. We have a six-year-old daughter, and my husband has two daughters with his first wife. The eldest, 17, lives with her Mom. The youngest, 15, lives with us. The problem that we have is that the 15-year-old spreads lies and steals, which is why she came to live with us. We do not have any financial problems, so the girls get all they need and more. We are very loving parents, always involved with the children, and give them a lot of attention. Lately the 15-year-old has started lying about been emotionally abused and hit at home, as she did when she lived with her mom. She has also begun stealing from us (little things like money, jewelry, and makeup, etc.). We have grounded her countless times and taken her cellphone and laptop away for punishment. We have spoken to her and asked the reasons why she does these things and her answer is always “I don’t know.” She talks back, shouts at everyone, does not do her homework or assignments for school, and gets physically abusive towards our 6-year-old. Please help – we are at our wits’ end with her.

Hi Nunu –

There are so many possible reasons for her behavior that I’m hesitant to even guess what’s going on.  But here are a few possibilities:

1)    Even though you have been an attentive and caring set of parents, middle children almost always feel ignored and alienated in their families (largely because they never got as much attention as the other kids did in their early life).  Lying and stealing can be ways of trying to take power in an environment where they don’t feel any.

2)    Maybe not all her statements are complete Continue reading

0 How to handle a midlife crisis

totogal asks: I know dogs don’t go much through what we humans know as midlife crisis, but boy, I sure am going through something- I’ve never been this unsure about what to do about anything. Applied and interviewed for a bunch of jobs that I’m not even sure now that I want, all of which involve moving, but then I think that’s a mistake because I’ll miss my friends here. sigh My cat seems to be happy wherever I am…or even just looking out the window at the people walking on the street below (he’s doing that now)… any advice??? (Don’t suggest improv…I already tried that and totally suck at it!!!!)

Hi totogal –

Midlife crises are TOUGH!

For those readers who don’t know about them, when humans hit a certain age – usually between 40 and 50 – they often find themselves wanting to change their lives in a major way.  Their job either hasn’t gone well enough, or hasn’t fulfilled them enough, and they want to change it.  Or maybe they want to move to a new place, or change their relationship status in some way.  But they don’t know what to do about that feeling!  Basically, it’s like they’re teenagers all over again, and just as Continue reading

0 How to get great legs

tin asks: How can I get gorgeous legs?

Hi tin –

I take it from your question that you’ve looked at my picture, and want to get fantastic legs like mine!  Oh I agree, in full modesty, they are splendid!  They’re strong and fast and can make me jump really high!  Everything I want in them!

But you, sadly, are a human, and can never have quite the legs I do.  I mean, you’ve got calves with some Continue reading

0 Why is my child so difficult in the morning?

Jupica asks: My kid is 3 years old, and she does a big show in the morning, because she won’t clean her mouth or brush her teeth. She cries and screams a lot, making a big noise. That takes sometimes half hour, and we are almost always late to school. Do you have any nice and easy idea that works in my case?

Hi Jupica –

I have two thoughts, which are completely different from each other.  One is really common and should be fixable pretty easily; and the other is rarer, and really important to get to work on if that’s the case.

My first thought is – you have a 3-year-old who’s going to school.  That’s pretty young, and she might well just hate going there and feeling abandoned by you (even if she actually has a good time once she’s Continue reading

0 Why do people break up after many years?

smart panther asks: Why do some couples take a separation after a long time (like 18 Years) together ?

Hi smart panther –

As I’m sure you know, there is nothing in the world more loyal than a dog. We will stick by the ones we’ve bonded to, no matter what. How often do you see a poor hungry homeless person, maybe even mentally ill, but with a faithful dog next to them who’d rather die than live apart?

So I may not be the best one to ask about why people would separate after being together for years. But I’ve checked with some humans, and here are some of the responses I’ve gotten:

1) More than dogs, people change and grow, continually, through their Continue reading

0 Do the fears of a 15-year-old go away?

Linda asks: Sometimes I still have that alienated feeling I wrote you about before. I used to be a confident and a peaceful person. I could stay alone, go anywhere alone if I want. But now it’s become the opposite. Just sometimes I’m afraid of ghosts, but still it’s fine. I don’t understand why it happens to me. I can’t see others who are my same age having that problem. May I ask, how long do I need to get rid of it?

Hi Linda –

Thanks for explaining your situation to me with more clarity.

In terms of the usual anxiety and depression about life that 15-year-olds have, I would say you can expect it to change pretty quickly, but it might just change into a different sort of worry and discomfort.  For example, today it’s scary to go somewhere alone, but in a couple of months you might have a wild crush on someone and not be able to get them off your mind, even though they’re unattainable.  And a few months after that, you might get very upset about something going on in global Continue reading

0 What to do with a hyperactive baby

toddlers asks: My baby girl is nine months old. I find her to be a hyperactive child. How should I handle her psychologically?

Hi toddlers –

It’s very normal for a nine-month-old baby to be super-active, and get into everything.  That’s what I was like as a puppy too!  If that’s what you’re talking about, then there’s nothing to worry about except your own exhaustion.  But if the baby is truly acting abnormal in her sleep patterns, mood, or inability to focus, you should definitely take her to a medical doctor, to have her tested.

In terms of ADHD, though, it’s way too early for that to be Continue reading