0 How to adjust to your child entering adolescence

purelove asks: I have a problem with my 11-year-old daughter. She hates us, her parents, for not always giving what she wants, she is always jealous of her brothers and envies her friends. She is turning away from us, and even writes that she hates her parents. She is also entertaining a boy at this age. What should I do?

Hi purelove –

Well, I have good news and bad news.  It sounds like your daughter has hit adolescence, and is a teenager a year or two early.  The good news is that she will grow through this, and become more like the person she used to be.  The bad news is that that might take anywhere from a year to eight!

There’s no perfect and easy solution to changing the behavior of a teenager going through this time.  But there are a few things that can help.

First – listen to her as much as you Continue reading

1 Should girlfriends not talk with other boys?

MycahBaby asks: My boyfriend gets mad when I talk to other guys, but he talks to other girls. What should I do?

Hi MycahBaby –

What you’re dealing with is that you’re expecting your relationship to be fair, when he’s operating from what’s called a “Double Standard.”  In his mind, there’s nothing wrong with him talking to other girls, but you talking to other boys is a horrible insult.  You have three basic choices:  You can accept him the way he is and live by his rules, you can change his mind, or you can Continue reading

0 How to help a child who’s afraid of many things

fly asks: My 11-year-old son has always gotten very anxious for, for example, going to school first day, taking exams, or participating in tournaments – he really gets scared, and sometimes he gets sick. How can I help him?

Hi fly –

I’m so sorry for you and your son – living in such fear (or watching your child in it) is clearly a miserable experience.  Now, it’s very normal for a child to be frightened of any of the things you mention – the first day of school, exams, or tournaments – but it sounds like his fear is Continue reading

0 How to speak up in the classroom

shae asks: How can I be noticed in class, and how can I stop being quiet in class?

Hi shae –

This is really interesting.  See, grownups have been trying to get kids to SHUT UP in class for thousands of years!  I’ve never heard the other side of the issue before!

But I’m guessing that you’re not asking about how to talk with other kids, act silly, giggle, and make the teacher furious.  I’m thinking you want to be more a part of class, less shy, and more assertive.

The important question we need to look at, in order to help this along, is Why you’ve had trouble with this.  After all, I imagine every teacher you’ve ever had has encouraged their students to be involved in class.  So what’s gotten in your Continue reading

0 Why do guys mess with girls’ heads?

secrets and lies asks: Why do guys always mess with girls’ heads?

Hi secrets and lies –

This is a very funny question!  Because 45% of the world thinks guys are always messing with girls’ heads, another 45% think girls are always messing with guys’ heads, and the other 10% are guys and girls whose heads are getting messed with by their own Continue reading

0 What to do when your friends hang out without you

inez3 asks: All of my friends have gone to one of my best friend’s sleepover and they didn’t invite me – but they never do any way. And I’m really upset.

Hi inez3 –

I don’t know if there’s a worse feeling in the world than being left out by those you love.  Children hate being left at home when their parents go out, and, wow, if you’ve ever had a puppy, you know how nutty we get when we’re shut away from the family, even for a few minutes!

Then you add to that that humans have different interests at different times, and between the ages of about 10 and 21, they really care more about their peers and how their peers see them than anything else.  So I’ll just bet you’re feeling awful about this!  And I relate!  I still hate it whenever Handsome leaves me alone at all, and even worse when he’s with other people.  And when he comes home smelling of dogs he played with, it just drives me Continue reading

1 How to move on from bad memories

Mention asks: How can I forget my bad memories from when I was hurt in the past?

Hi Mention –

That’s a great question.  People always tell us to move on past the bad things in our pasts, and live life in the present.  But how can we do that when those bad memories just won’t let us go?!

Well, here’s the deal – those memories are there for a very good reason.  They’re there to protect you from making mistakes again.  Now if the memory is that your hand really hurt the last time you put it onto a hot stove, that’s great and will truly serve you forever.  But let’s say the memory is something more like “I went on a date with a girl and she treated me horribly.”  Well, your mind might tell you that going on a date again would be as dumb an idea as putting your hand back onto that stove.

The trick with memories like this, ones that argue things that aren’t completely true, is to have a Continue reading

1 How can parents discipline their children when they don’t agree on rules?

anesha asks: How do and my husband and myself both agree on the proper way to correct my son? We don’t always agree and afterwards he then realizes that sometimes I am right.

Hi anesha –

You are absolutely correct to ask about this.  Experts on parenting all agree that (within certain bounds) what the rules of your home are doesn’t matter nearly as much as does the consistency of them.  For example, some homes allow dogs to climb on all the furniture, and some don’t allow any of that.  Handsome decided that it was okay with him for me to climb onto his bed, but not any other furniture, especially his white couch!  And since he was clear about that, I learned the rules very easily.  But if there had been someone else in the house telling me I wasn’t allowed onto the bed, or that it was okay for me to get my paws on the couch, I’d be very frustrated.  And… and here’s the most important part… I’d lose respect for all the

Continue reading

0 How to deal with a nervous pre-teen

Nono asks: How can I deal with a pre-adolescent boy, twelve years old? I’m a single mother, and he has no brothers or sisters. He recently became very nervous. My blood pressure always rises when we have any conversation together, because his arguments have no end and his voice is becoming louder (though afterwards he apologizes). This happens at least ten times a day, and I’m afraid that one day I’ll get fed up talking to him! We’re still friends, but I’m afraid to lose that. Please guide me as to how to deal with him.

Hi Nono –

I’m of two minds on this (which is very hard for a dog – you know our brains are a lot smaller than yours!).  First, it’s very normal for a boy of around twelve to become ruder, more aggressive, and louder.  But second, I wonder about your saying “he recently became very nervous,” like: is there something other than the beginnings of adolescence going on?

With the first instance, the best news I can give you is that this should end completely – in about six or seven Continue reading

0 What advice would you give the new Egypt?

super-smart-girl asks: I need some advice for Egyptians, so I can send it to my Facebook wall. Do you have any good ideas?

Hi super-smart-girl –

Thanks for writing me.  I’m a little confused by your question, though.  Are you asking for advice for Egyptians?  Like, what advice would you give to the nation of Egypt, with all the changes they’re going through right now?

If that’s the case, then here’s mine:  A nation who treats all its people, and its neighbors, with respect, dignity, and kindness, will last centuries.  A nation who treats its people with prejudice and cruelty will Continue reading