MycahBaby asks: My boyfriend gets mad when I talk to other guys, but he talks to other girls. What should I do?
Hi MycahBaby –
What you’re dealing with is that you’re expecting your relationship to be fair, when he’s operating from what’s called a “Double Standard.” In his mind, there’s nothing wrong with him talking to other girls, but you talking to other boys is a horrible insult. You have three basic choices: You can accept him the way he is and live by his rules, you can change his mind, or you can leave. Or I guess there’s a fourth – that you could talk with other boys secretly, but that might backfire on you.
If you want to change his mind, the first thing to do, of course, is just talk with him. Tell him how you feel, and explain that you want your relationship to be fair to both of you. If he refuses, and says it’s not the same, that it’s only girls who shouldn’t talk with others, you have every right to put your foot down, and tell him that you refuse to be in a relationship like that. It’s 2012, MycahBaby, not 1911!
Frankly, although I often get jealous of Handsome petting other dogs, I have to say, I would rather you both talk to others than both stop. You’re young, and everyone needs new friends. If you and he end up staying together for the rest of your lives, then what’s so bad about you having talked to other people? And if you don’t end up together, then there’s especially nothing bad about it!
It sounds to me like what you two really need is to come up with new rules. Like that you can’t kiss anyone else, or go out with another boy/girl. But talking? That’s just too much of what humans do – in school, work, and all other parts of life! Trying to stop that would be like me trying to stop sniffing other dogs’ behinds! Ain’t Gonna Happen!!!