0 How to build self-esteem in groups of kids and teens

Jezel asks: How can I get a group of kids between the age of 8-19 to believe in themselves through games and activities? And what would be relevant topics?

Hi Jezel –

Your question is simply gigantic.  First of all, there are books of games and activities that build self-esteem.  If you do a web-search, you’ll find tons.

I would be glad to recommend some games and activities to you, but there’s a way bigger problem here, which is that age range you’re facing.  My friend, having a group of kids from 8 to 19 is just about impossible.  It will be hard for you to find things that 8-year-olds and 11-year-olds enjoy together, but to pull in those older ages makes it nearly impossible.

So here’s my advice.  First, split the group up into four Continue reading

0 How to deal with an over-demanding parent

143chafern asks: I’m a competitive swimmer and I really love it. The thing is, my dad keeps pushing me – like, if I don’t swim well, he gets all moody. He expects me to perform well, and at the same time to do my studies also. I do manage my studies, and keep in good shape, but nothing is enough for my Dad! I feel so under pressure! I can’t be an Olympic swimmer and an A+ student at the same time! When I told that to my dad, he said there are many kids of my age who can, but… why can’t he understand I’m not them?!

Hi 143chafern –

This is not a new problem.  I don’t know who the first person was who cared about succeeding in a competitive world, but the first one of those who had a child began this problem.  And the problem has existed ever since.

There’s no easy answer.  You’d be miserable if your father didn’t notice or care, or take pride in your swimming prowess.  But this situation stinks too.  I have no doubt that your dad means well, and just wants to press you to do your best, but the fact is he’s pushing too hard.

I’ll be honest with you, 143chafern – I’m very encouraged by your insistence that you’re good enough without meeting his Continue reading

0 How can you make a girl happy?

doonn asks: How can I make my girl friend happy?

Hi doonn –

Okay, so here’s the bad news first.  You can’t.

The awful, annoying, heartbreaking truth is that you can’t make anyone happy.  If someone’s going to be miserable or angry or sad or depressed, you probably can’t change that.

However, you can try.  And that’s a great way to spend your life.  You can tell her jokes, you can buy her a nice dinner, you can send her flowers, you can compliment her, you can give her a shoulder-rub, you can kiss her on the earlobe… all of these are good, if they’re what she Continue reading

0 What’s so great about sex?

Prettyndsweet12 asks: What makes sex so fun that everybody wants to do it so much?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Well, I guess I should start by correcting you – there are lots of people who don’t want to do it much at all, and most people only want it at certain times, with a certain person or people, and when they’re in a certain mood.  It’s nowhere near like me with barbecued spare ribs, which I want ALL the time!!!

Having said that, though, of course the fact is that, overall, people (and animals) do like doing Continue reading

0 Should we be concerned about December 12, 2012?

gaga asks: What may be the effects of the solar cycle 24 starting on December 21, 2012, in our social life?

Hi gaga –

There seems to be some confusion here.  Solar Cycle 24 is a period of sunspot activity, and began in 2008.  It’s expected to peak in 2013 when we have over 90 sunspots.

The thing about 12-21-12 is a belief that, well, the world is going to come to an Continue reading

0 How do you build trust for someone who’s done wrong things in their past?

princess23 asks: I saw that boy I like last week, and our mutual best friend told me that he said I looked really pretty, and she told me that every time he sees me he tells her the same thing. I used to see him like a crush, but now I think I’m really starting to like him. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him I’m starting to have feelings for him, but I’m scared that he’ll say he can’t be with me, cause he just got out of a relationship that was kinda complicated! I feel that I have to get over him and not show interest, but he can say all the right things at the right moment. I know that maybe he isn’t the guy for me (or maybe he is) but he has done things wrong in his past and I’m afraid he’ll do them to me. Is it normal to feel this way? I don’t know what to do, I’m super confused please help me!

Hi princess23 –

You’re right you’re super-confused.  You’re so confused you’ve got ME all confused now!

So if I have this straight, you like this boy and are getting to like him more; you know he’s at least very attracted to you, and willing to tell your friend about it; and the main reason you don’t want to approach him is that his last relationship was “kinda complicated” and he did some wrong things.

Is all that correct?

If so, what you’re really dealing with is two issues.  First, the usual shyness that comes with being attracted to someone.   For those, I have a bunch of posts on the AskShirelle website.  Just use the Search box and type in words like “shy, crush, like, love” and you’ll get a bunch.

But then we get to the “complicated” part.  Now when you say he did some wrong things, do you mean that he’s gotten in trouble at school, maybe got caught Continue reading

0 What to do when you feel abandoned by an older sibling

kittycat asks: My sister got a not so great job in London and she’s not coming for summer holidays, and I’m real sad. She knows I want her here. I am happy for her, but I’m angry at her and I’m feeling blue. Could you please tell me the right thing to do, and how to get a grip on myself. I’ve been crying my eyes out!!!

Hi kittycat –

So as I see it, what you’re really asking is:  How do I deal with the fact that my sister isn’t going to be here for me this summer?

You know, most of the letters I get about siblings are complaints – someone hates their baby brother, someone’s getting beaten up by their sister, the other kid tells on them, etc.  So while of course I see you’re in pain, I have to say, it’s kind of nice to see a letter from someone who wants and needs their sibling.

Life is change, kittycat.  We so often wish it weren’t.  Children want summer vacation to last forever, teens want a good date to last forever, young adults want their 20s to last forever, parents want their children to stay four forever, and after that, adults just want to keep their friends, family, and selves alive forever.  It’s what we want most, and it’s the thing we can never alter – change is a constant.  And your sister’s life is Continue reading

0 How to make a website popular

kittycat asks: Hi, I’m just an ordinary girl that randomly makes a website about her favorite animals in the world, CATS! I’m frustrated, because the only member is me, and I’m the site owner, so it’s really kind of dull. How can I make my website more popular among people not including family and friends, I already got that under control.

Hi kittycat –

Well of course the first key to making your site popular is that it has to have something on it that people like, so your first job is to get rid of those nasty stinky cats!  I mean, no one likes them, right?!

Oh, sorry.  You’re right.  I always forget about that.  Well, if some folks want to look at those irritating faces, and even find them cute, who am I to say they’re wrong?

(Well, I’m a DOG, that’s who!  But back to your question…)

When I started this website, it was really hard to get people to join, or even visit.  I wrote an email to all my friends, and all of Handsome’s, but only a few of them joined.  The big trick was that I didn’t Continue reading

0 How to get a conversation going

sazuna45 asks: There is this guy I like. He’s kind of a friend and he is super friendly whenever he’s alone and I’m alone. So I want to talk to him but I really don’t know how to start a conversation. Please advise me! I can’t just say ‘hi’ cause then he’ll answer and walk away. Something that’ll keep a conversation longer?

Hi sazuna45 –

Your problem is a really common one.  You want to get a conversation going, but nothing you say gets that effect.  It’s like when I’m at the dog park, and I try to get the boy dogs to chase me, and they’ll notice me and run after me, but just for a second, and then walk over to something else.  How irritating!

The main trick I know for conversation is something called “Open-Ended Continue reading

0 Who is Handsome?

sazuna45 asks: I’m new here so I don’t know much about you. Can you tell me who Handsome is?

Hi sazuna45 –

Handsome is just the most wonderful, sweet, guy in the world.  He’s also the most irritating, controlling, annoying person I’ve ever met.  You see, he’s my human.  Some people consider him my “owner,” but he’d be the first to tell you that he no more owns me than I own him.  We just take care of each other all the time.

Handsome is the man who rescued me from the dog pound, and who feeds me and pets me and makes sure I have a roof over my head.   So he’s the Continue reading