Category Archives for "Teens"

0 Is it right to date one’s friend’s ex-boyfriend

FORLLAH asks: Is it really right for me to date my friend’s ex-boyfriend?

Hi FORLLAH –

This is always difficult.  It’s difficult when children become friends with kids their friends don’t like anymore, it’s difficult when adults divorce and make their friends (or, worst of all, their children) choose between them, and yes, it’s hard when you’re dating and you’re interested in your friend’s ex!

We dogs simply do not have this problem.  We are so much better than you humans at this!  If I was playing with Bruno the Akita yesterday and got annoyed with his yelping and decided I didn’t want to play with him anymore, and you went in and played with him today… I wouldn’t care at all!

But you guys are different.  Or, and here’s my big point, SOME of you are different.

I hear all the time about couples that break up, but while they were dating one of them met the friend of the other one, and afterward they and the friend get together and date, and marry, and everyone gets along just fine.  Why?  Well, the reason it didn’t work between the first couple doesn’t apply to the friend.  For example, let’s say one boy needs tons of attention from whoever he’s dating.  He checks in on his beloved with a text or a phone call eight times a day.  And this drives her nuts!  She likes him, but she’s more comfortable talking once a day, and having the rest of the time to do other things.  Now he has a best friend who also likes a bit of independence.  The couple breaks up because they fight so much about the amount of contact, the friend asks her out, and they get along just great, reaching out to each other every night and no more.  And the first boy, he’s very happy, because he likes them both and gets to have them both in his life still, and now can find a girlfriend who calls him every half-hour!

The issue here is openness.  There’s nothing wrong with dating your friend’s ex, but their feelings might be hurt if you don’t Continue reading

0 How to meet someone for a blind date

Reena asks: I met a guy around a year back on a dating site. I had just broken up back then and so registered on that site to divert my mind. All this while we used to chat online sometimes, he was like a platonic friend. He asked a few times to meet but I always declined for various reasons. Mostly because we have nothing in common and I felt no connection or chemistry. Also because there was this on again off again thing going on with my ex, so we had not completely separated despite the break up. My question is, Is meeting this new guy worth it ? Because back then when I had broken up, he had asked to meet. I told him I am dating someone. To which he replied, “Don’t tell your boyfriend that you’re coming to meet me.” I told him I’m sorry and I can’t do that. Secondly, instead of asking to hangout and just chill or a lunch or dinner together or a movie, this new guy asks me to come home. Mind you, we’ve never met before. I asked him why he wants me to come home. He said he “wants to cuddle”. I mean, sounds like a guy looking for a Friends with Benefits and not the whole getting to know you and let’s see where it goes thing. I asked advice from a guy friend yesterday about this because I am confused these past days, whether I should give it a chance or no. My friend advised me to test him by asking him to meet outside rather than at home. So I asked this online guy if we could meet out first. I was 110 % sure he’d say no. But he said yes. I don’t want to be mean because I do believe in giving people at least one chance. But he has already shown me who he is. Doesn’t sound like a guy who believes in loyalty or someone looking for something genuine. However I don’t want to be too judgmental about it or assume anything. What should I do ?? Go meet him once or simply delete his number??

Hi Reena –

Okay, so you’re dealing with two issues here.   One is how to treat this guy – does he deserve to be treated one way or another.  And the other is how to treat yourself.  And I care way more about the second than the first, though the first is important too.

One thing I like about this guy is that he seems to be speaking honestly to you (even when he’s asking you to lie!). He didn’t pretend that he didn’t want to get physical on the first date, and I respect that. And since you did ask him if he’d meet outside, it feels a bit unfair for you to now refuse to meet him at all.

BUT…

The truth is, we don’t know anything about him. He might be exactly the way he described himself, and he might be a 45-year-old with an axe. We don’t know. So my advice isn’t just about this guy, but with any blind date you have for the rest of your life, I want you to Continue reading

0 What is the meaning of life?

Wooff Asks: Recently, my life has been going very smooth. My anxiety is pretty much gone but then again, there are days when I feel like I have difficulty communicating with others and I have difficulty breathing. But those days are rare now. My question isn’t really just a question. It’s something maybe you can’t even help me out on. What is the purpose of this life? You can tell me that it’s to be kind, to be granted a space in heaven. But what is it all for? I try not to think of the future much because staying in the present is better. But I wonder, what is the end goal? And why can’t I just have stayed 10? Like, I really miss the times I spent back when I was a kid. When I didn’t have to think if there was any purpose to life or what I’m doing here. To just wake up, watch cartoons and have breakfast. I didn’t have to think that I needed exercise because I loved myself the way I was. When I didn’t have to will myself to take a morning stroll. I understand death, I understand why we have to die but I don’t understand why we live? Why is life ever changing and why are we? In my recent course of life, I’m trying to be more humble. Whenever I have a fight with anyone, I try to apologize. Despite it being my fault or not. And I try not to see any fault anymore and I like it. To be honest, I like my life but I don’t know why I’m living it. Do you understand?

Hi Wooff!

Your question can be answered in two different ways. One of them is in an area where I’m a complete expert, and the other is an area where I can’t even pretend to have any knowledge at all.

I’ll start with the second. Over time, most humans have believed in religions. And one thing religions offer is explanations of what the meaning and purpose of human lives are. Maybe it’s to behave in a way that pleases God. Maybe it’s to do acts that increase the power of God or some gods. Maybe it’s to learn lessons that will set you up to be better in your next life. Maybe it’s to do whatever it takes to get into Heaven.

Well, Wooff, I am a dog. And can’t remotely agree or disagree with any of those. And if you should develop a belief in any of those, I won’t be able to say you’re right or wrong.

But then there’s that other area. And that is the question of how to find meaning in your own life. And that is what I know about more than anything. And my answer is one word: Continue reading

0 What kind of face do men like best on women?

Reena asks: Do men like women with a baby face? If yes, why?

Hi Reena –

One great thing about human attraction is that different people are attracted to different sorts. Modern media has hurt this in some ways – people who would naturally be attracted to one sort of person are conditioned to different sorts – but overall, what they call “animal attraction” still exists.

Many people believe that most people’s facial preferences are based on their families. You grew up madly loving the faces of the people you knew best, so later in life you’re drawn to those same sorts of looks (and voices, skin tones, body types, etc.). But of course, that’s not always the case.

Still, having said all this, there are certain sorts of looks that seem to be more generally popular overall. The “tall, dark, handsome man” fortune tellers have promised for centuries, the voluptuous fertility goddess figure we’ve seen from ancient statues up through Marilyn Monroe, to Christina Hendricks and Beyonce. And, yes, the baby face.

But not just in women!

Sure, Betty Boop has a baby face. And Debbie Reynolds had one, and Selena Gomez and Dakota Fanning. But so does Justin Bieber! And Zac Ephron. And Bradley Cooper.

It’s not even just sex symbols – the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini had the face of a three year old, and the current American president Donald Trump has the pout most of you humans lose at two!

So I don’t know what answer you were hoping for, but my real answer to you is the same as if I wrote you asking if people liked small dogs. The answer is of course, yes! And medium ones, and large ones, and Great Danes and Newfoundlands. So do men like women with baby faces? Sure. And some like women with long thin very adult faces, and some like women with tough cool faces… and, yes, some prefer the faces of men anyway!

So whether you’re a baby-faced Rhianna or a triangle-faced Katy Perry or a mysterious Scarlett Johansson… there are those out there who find you ravishing. And even though I’ve never seen you or even smelled your hand, I know I’m one of them!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 Is it wrong to date an adult while you are a teenager?

lovergirl asks: Is it wrong to date a 20-year-old guy while you are 14?

Hi lovergirl –

I have many thoughts on this, but lots of them depend on defining the words you used.

For example, when you say “date,” do you mean “hang out with?”  If so, then there’s probably no problem with it.  But if you mean “get romantically involved with,” I’d ask you what it is about him that draws him to someone so much younger than he is.  I’ve known lots of couples who were six years apart, or way more, but that’s a lot less time when you’re 30 than when you’re 14.  I mean, if he turns 21 before she turns 15, he’ll be half her age older than her!  So I’d be concerned, but not necessarily say it’s impossible.

But now we get to that other word, which is “wrong.”  Do you mean “against the rules?”  Well, nothing I said above is against any rules, but if that 20-year-old is thinking of getting  Continue reading

0 How to keep sane in a long-distance relationship

alizey asks: I am in long distance relationship and I don’t know how to make it work without becoming an emotional fool?

Hi alley –

Okay, I’ll be honest with you – to me a long-distance relationship sounds like pure misery!  When my human friend Handsome leaves town, I’m a wreck.  Even if I’m staying with good friends, or at a place with other dogs, those delights only serve as distractions.  I’m a one-person dog, and being away from that person for a long period is just devastating.

But you’re not a dog; you’re a person.  So, unlike me, you can have really fulfilling communication with another person through telephone or texting or even a picture-phone like FaceTime or Skype.  You don’t depend as much as I do on smell and touch (though people tell me those are sure nice parts of your relationships too!).

It really sounds to me like you’re okay with it, as long as things don’t make you get too emotional.  And my guess is that those come down to two issues: Missing and Continue reading

0 How to get out of having done a secret prank on a friend

azraspahic_ asks – So it’s 2 weeks before April Fools, and I decided to do a harmless prank on my friend of slipping notes in her locker. But she told the principal and then told me. I don’t want to get suspended over a harmless joke! What do I do? I have not told her I was the one who slipped the notes. I printed one out as well and said, “oh see this is the one I got” and she believed it! What should I do?

Hi azraspahic_ –

Ooooh do I relate to this!  My pranks are usually more along the lines of stealing food off a person’s plate, but I know how awful it can feel to get caught, especially when the punishment seems like it’s so much bigger than the little joke you pulled!  (I mean, come on, did that guest really want that steak that badly?!!)

The nice part is that you do have a way out of this, if you want – which is to simply say nothing, and let the issue go away.  If you can feel okay about doing that, it really won’t cause any harm.  It’s true that you lied about getting the note yourself, but it’s a harmless lie, and your friend won’t be any worse off for it.

But, like me, you do have a conscience, so I can understand if you find it hard to just do that.  So there are a few other thoughts that hit me:

One is to Continue reading

0 How to deal with a rude harasser at work.

Reena asks: You know how it is to be a working woman. I am very dedicated to my work. My Bosses are very happy with my work. However, it has definitely harboured some kind of envy and jealousy among other team members in the team. Now I am quite a target and I’ve noticed, people do keep an eye on me. But there’s this one guy at work I’m genuinely fed up with and don’t know how to deal with it. I am a very simple person Shirelle. I come, work, make money and go home. I have very few friends at work and am very happy with them. But there’s this one twisted colleague at work who believes that all the success am achieving is through deceptive means. He has his own perception about me. Basically he has just assumed a lot. I am fed up with his indirect taunts and comments like, “Show me the Real You”. “Remove the mask when talking to me”. “I don’t get scared of anyone”. “She is fake”. The last time an email was sent to me and he started enquiring about that email which was obviously none of his business. I yelled at him because I had taken enough from him. I told him to stay out of my business. I have already sent an email to my Manager but no use. His behavior has worsened. I changed my place and now sit somewhere else and yesterday he came and sat in front of me. All my life I have felt vulnerable because I didn’t have a father growing up (my parents separated) and now I feel very vulnerable at work too.. Please advise.

Hi Reena –

Well, I can’t quite answer yes to that first statement of yours.  I mean, I’m not a working woman – I’m just a dog with a hobby I adore! – but I’ve sure heard a lot about the problems working women go through, including harassment of different sorts from creepy guys.

But I have to be honest with you, this man doesn’t sound like most of them I’ve heard.  Instead, he sounds like someone out of a lot of letters I’ve gotten from young girls, like in elementary or middle school!!  And my guess is usually that the boy who’s bothering the girl, saying rude things to her, crowding her space — LIKES her!  And doesn’t know more appropriate ways of showing it!

And here’s the weird part, then I tell them something like “But don’t worry, he should grow out of this pretty soon, by the time he turns thirteen or fourteen!”  But this guy you’re talking about, I assume, is WAY older than that!

So what in the world…?!

And it’s not fair for me to speak too condescendingly – I was just as bad a puppy as those boys are!  I chewed everything and bit everyone and tore all sorts of stuff up… but at some point around two years old, I did grow out of it!

So what in the world is with this guy?!

I’m actually thinking that my instinct is right (we pooches are good at that), and that this man is attracted to you.  But if he ever had a chance, he’s probably ruining it!

My best advice to you would be to Continue reading

0 Is it okay for a boy to like wearing girls’ clothes?

Violet asks: I am a 12 year old boy. Is it normal I like to wear girl clothes? I like to wear girl things but I don’t know why. I wear my sister’s clothes. My sister is 8 years old. I wear her dresses and her underwear. No one knows I wear them but I feel bad about it. I sometimes wish I was a girl.

Hi Violet –

I’m glad you wrote me, because I have a very different take on this than most humans.

You see, Violet, as a dog, I don’t care about anything in terms of the roles of boys and girls.  For example, most female dogs squat whenever they pee, but ever since I was old enough, I’ve often lifted my leg to do it.  And no one’s ever cared.

Similarly, I don’t care a bit about clothes, except to say that I always find it really irritating when Handsome makes me wear any (you humans seem to just find it SOOOOO funny to see a dog in a hat or shirt.  And you’re supposed to be the intelligent ones?!)

Now, you asked me something very specific.  You asked me if it’s “normal” for a boy to want to wear girls’ clothes.  Well, if “normal” means that most people do it, then no, it’s not.  Nor is it normal for girl dogs to lift their legs to pee, or for a person to become a big movie star or sports legend.  But the much more important issue is, is it Continue reading

0 What to do when you find out you’re the “other woman” (or man)

Sphumelele asks: Remember the family friend I told you about? Well we’ve started and it has been awesome he’s a great guy but what recently broke my heart is that I saw recent pictures of him and his baby mama on Facebook declaring the love they have for each other. Now I don’t know where I stand. He doesn’t know that I’m the baby mama’s friend on Facebook. I asked him if they are still together or not but he dismissed it saying we’ll talk about it when we meet which is still 3 weeks away and it’s slowly breaking me. I want to know how do I go about finding the truth? The thought of him telling her that he loves her kills me slowly and I can’t handle it no more. How do I ask him this without seeming desperate? And also am I allowing guys take advantage of me? Am I the one allowing them to break or play with my heart?? Shirelle please help I’m so confused right now.

Hi Sphumelele –

Your situation is reminding me of a painful time soon after I first came to live with Handsome, my human.  He had fallen in love with a woman who was involved with another man.  At first they were just coworkers and friends, but eventually he and she got involved, as she was saying she wanted to get out of that other relationship.  He did everything he could to help her out, and they’d have a great time when they were together, but then she’d go back out with the other guy and disappear for a while, which just ripped Handsome apart.  (I tried over and over again to get him to realize he could have so much more fun with me than sitting around moping about her, but he was too sad – or stupid – to accept my love in her place).

Eventually she broke things off with him, to stay with the other guy.  And while it ripped Handsome up something awful, eventually he started talking to me about a big question: whose fault this was.  Or rather, who was the villain in this story?

Was it the boyfriend, who had been pretty rotten to the woman in a lot of ways, making her want to look elsewhere?  Was it the woman, for stringing Handsome along when she wasn’t sure she wanted to leave the other guy?  Or was it Handsome, who could be seen to have taken advantage of a tough situation the couple was having?

The answer is Continue reading