Category Archives for "Scary Stuff"

How to deal with a kid picking fights with you.

Chupa Chup asks: There’s a boy that goes to my school and he comes to school care and sometimes we fight and hurt each other and hit and kick and pinch and punch. I don’t know what I can do to make him stop hurting me all of the time.

Hi Chupa Chup –

 

Well, there’s an easy answer to your question, that I’ll bet you’ve heard adults say before:  Stop fighting with him.

Now I’ll bet that just made you roll your eyes, because of course you can’t stop fighting with him, because he’s going to come at you and hit and kick and pinch and punch.  Right?  But maybe you can actually stop the fight instead.

You see, I’ve been in lots of fights.  And I’ve won fights and lost fights.  I’m a good fighter.  But I don’t like fighting.

Actually, let me restate that.  I love fighting, but not when it’s Continue reading

1 What will the afterlife be?

dukethelizard asks: Hi I’m a 16-year-old guy and I’ve been getting depressed lately. I keep thinking about dying all old, and wondering if there’s an afterlife or not. I thought it was just hormones at first, but this has been going on longer than I thought it would. Almost a month now. It’s really starting to get to me. The thought that everything that starts has to end keeps running through my mind and well it stinks!!! I feel awful most of the day. I was wondering if maybe I should become active at some church or become Buddhist or something. I know you’re busy, but please help asap. I’m not suicidal or anything, but its really affecting me. I couldn’t sleep last night, and I had a test today that either made or broke my grade in algebra 2. Help please!

Thanks for your beautiful question.

 

I have to be honest with you here.  Dogs are very connected to the Earth.  We certainly have a spiritual nature, but it’s all about here, not the Beyond.  So I can’t argue about whether any religion is better than another, or whether there’s an afterlife, or anything like that.  I truly have no idea.  There’s certainly a magic I see in everything, from a baby’s cry to a flower to a parade of ants to a mountain to rainclouds, and if someone wants to call that magic Continue reading

How to set up boundaries with harmful people.

Helen asks: Your Pawprint article about your friend Rob really hit close to home. My mother also suffers from Depression. She does take her medicine, but it doesn’t seem to make her any happier or more peaceful. She is always aggravated and says some very hurtful things, so I haven’t talked to her in a very long time (It will be a year in November). It makes me sad that she missed out on some very important times in my life, like my first play, but when she IS in my life she makes me sad and stressed. Sometimes I worry that she will do the same thing as Rob because I won’t be around to help her. When can I say, “I gave it my all,” and not feel in my heart that she will ever make more of an effort to not hurt me? And is it selfish to make such a decision? Is it like giving up on her? I’m sorry about your loss of a good friend.

Hi Helen –

 

This is a terribly difficult situation.  The only way I can deal with it is to divide it into two parts.  The first is to discuss how we deal with people we care about who hurt us.

 

It happens to everyone.  Maybe your best friend betrays you, maybe your boyfriend, girlfriend, or even husband or wife cheats on you, maybe you find out someone’s been saying awful things about you behind your back.  Or maybe it’s all out in the open and a close friend yells horrible things at you or sends you hateful Continue reading

2 How to deal with parents fighting

Chupa Chup asks: I am 11 years old. My 7 year old sister told me that my mum and dad were fighting one night because both of them wanted the phone, and my mum got the phone and accidently banged it into the side of my dad’s head and my dad got knocked out, and my mum went to jail to explain what happened to the police officers because my dad was in the hospital. When my sister told me this, I burst into tears. I have been really stressed lately because of this, and because I had a huge fight with my friends (who are not my friends anymore because they’re always mean to me and they always speak over me when I try to say something). I just need to be in a quiet place where I can scream as loud as I want to, sort of like heaven.

Hi Chupa Chup –

 

Wow, you are going through a really really rough time.  It is totally normal that, after hearing what you heard about your parents, you would feel very alone and friendless.  There’s a really good chance your friends aren’t being terrible, but just don’t know how to respond to what you’re going through.  But either way, this stuff you’re experiencing is just awful.

 

If you’ve looked around this website much, you’ll have seen that I often give advice to my Pack friends, but then suggest that they might want to talk to a therapist or counselor about what they’re dealing with.  For you, Chupa Chup, I’m insisting:  you need to Continue reading

1 How to deal with Panic Attacks and Anxiety

Sridevi asks: I am not sure if I have OCD. Sometimes I get really scary thoughts, or pictures in my mind, like that I’m harming someone. It causes me great pain and anxiety. I once had a panic attack for about five seconds – then I listened to some soothing music and felt okay. I do not have any compulsions, though; I don’t do any repeated tasks. I am so confused! Please help!

Hi Sridevi –

 

Well it definitely sounds like you don’t have OCD.  The “C” of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is “Compulsive,” and you don’t have that.  It also doesn’t really sound like you’re terribly obsessive either.

 

But it sounds like you’re absolutely right when you say that you have a lot of Continue reading

6 What to do when you have your first period.

Breanna asks: I’m 9 and I have had my first period, and I don’t know what to do.

Hi Breanna –

 

Well I think the first thing to say is Congratulations.  (I never went through one; I had an operation when I was six months old that kept me from having puppies or developing in the way you have, so I’m impressed!)  This is a big event for a young girl, and it’s totally normal for it to be a little scary.  So I’m really glad you wrote me about it.

 

But the first thing to know is – there is absolutely nothing to be scared about!  This is part of growing up, and while people don’t talk about it a lot in public, it’s absolutely normal.

 

The second thing, though, is that, because this is so important, it’s absolutely necessary that you talk to an adult about it.  Do you have a good relationship with your mother or another female caregiver, so that you could tell her?  Or maybe a teacher or nurse at school?  That’d be the best first thing to do.  Then, you should definitely see a doctor, just to make sure everything is working as it should.

 

But once you’ve done those, you’re basically in the clear.  Of course you’ll have to deal with it every month, but that’s just like nearly every other woman.  Wait, what’s that word I just said?  Yes: What’s big and exciting is that this is really the beginning of you becoming a woman!

 

So what’s important, just as important as getting checked out by a doctor, is that you begin to deal with what becoming a woman means.  Your body will have lots of other changes soon, and you’ll get looked at in different ways.  So it’s your job to do two things from now on:  To hold on to what makes you a great kid, and to start to think about the sort of woman you want to become.

 

This is your experience, Breanna.  And while it makes sense that you don’t want to go around talking about it with everyone, it really does make you part of the world community.  So be proud and enjoy it.
But please, please, do talk to some adults and see a doctor.  Just to make sure you’re okay!

 

Thanks, and again, Congratulations!

 

2 How to tell if your dog is really sick, or just sad.

avrilox26 asks: I’ve got 2 dogs, an Alaskan Malamute (3 years old) and a half breed one (1 year old), both females. My youngest dog was hit by a car 3 weeks ago; he was lucky, because he just broke his leg (even this is sad too). Before this accident, both my dogs were friends, and they are still, but my youngest dog can’t play now, because he had surgery. The problem is that my biggest dog is not eating much, just a little, and I’m starting to be worried… I think that she’s sad, but why? I’m playing with her, I’m staying with her, I’m feeding her, I’m going out with her (which makes her happy while we’re out). I’m trying to make time and stay with her as much as I can! I just wanted to ask you first and not go to the vet for this, because she’s active and otherwise seems fine. The food that we’re taking her is not the same everyday, so I don’t think this is because of the food. And she doesn’t have anyone else to miss… And she stays near her food, careful to not let the other dog take it, but then she just doesn’t eat it. Is this because of the accident? And how can I make her be happy?

Hi Avrilox 26 –

 

Thanks.  This is a great question.  And I can give you a “possible” answer.  But of course, I’m not a veterinarian, and am not able to even see your dog.

 

The truth is that it’s possible that your older dog is simply responding to your younger dog’s injury.  Dogs are (if I do say so myself) absolutely amazing at this.  Handsome once had hernia surgery, and for the entire time of his healing, I slept by him 22 hours a day, and usually lay against the wound.  Dogs are very empathetic (which means we feel what others are feeling), and we will “take on” the symptoms of those closest to us.  So it’s extremely likely that your older dog could lose his appetite because of the younger dog’s injury.

 

However, I really want to stress – it’s also possible that this is only a coincidence.  That your older dog is ill and that only just happens to be at the same time as the younger dog’s injury.  So I’d say, if this eating problem has gone on more than a few days, I’d recommend taking him to the vet, just to be looked at.  Hopefully nothing’s wrong (he’s just a very loving animal!), but just in case, you want to be sure.

 

Good Luck!  And I’m so happy your younger one survived the car accident!  Those are Scary!

 

Your Friend,

Shirelle

 

1 What to do when you’re feeling suicidal.

Krishna asks: I have issues with my family and friends. I have been thinking about suicide. It’s been a while; the feeling gets stronger every passing day. What to do? I depend on people emotionally, but now its like all went away from me. I can’t find any answers to my questions and feelings, and I have no interest in life. Can you help?

Hi Krishna –

Krishna, I am so glad you chose to write me. I am honored. There’s a lot I could say here, but what you’re saying is so important and frightening, I want to cut straight to one simple issue: Safety.

First: I know you feel very alone. But I can promise you, with absolutely no question: you are not. Almost every person in the world has felt the way you Continue reading

Why there is war.

Samakbin asks: Why is there war in the world?

Well, Samakbin, people have been asking this question for centuries. And to a certain degree, we’ll never know the answer. But I do know a few things, and here they are.

First, there is war in the world because there are humans in the world. People are the only species that creates wars. Almost all animals have some sort of fighting that they do, whether to eat or to protect themselves at least. And the more intelligent a species is, the more Continue reading

Advice for teenagers who feel they don’t fit in at school

Ashley asks: Do you have any advice for teenagers who have trouble fitting in at school?

Hi Ashley. I have tons and tons of advice for teenagers who have trouble fitting in at school. In fact (and I know this sounds crazy), every word I’ve ever written to teenagers is for ones who have just that trouble. Because every teenager has trouble fitting in at school!
I know, it’s hard to believe! What about the head cheerleader, or the football quarterback, or the kids who do all the plays, or the straight-A students, or just those ones you always see walking together and laughing? Crazy as it sounds, every one of those kids feels like an Continue reading