Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 How to get over someone you broke up with

Kimy asks: I broke up with my first boyfriend but now I just cannot get him out of my mind. What should I do?

Hi Kimy –

I’m so sorry.  I know, it’s very very hard to move on after a breakup.  The people you loved so just get into your mind and heart, and even though you’ve chosen to not be with them, they haunt you like a ghost.

A lot of people have very specific advice:  Date other guys, or Avoid all guys, or Take a vacation, or Dye your hair a new color…  I can’t tell you that any of these are right or wrong.  The fact is, you just have to get through this time.

What you’re experiencing is actually the Continue reading

0 What to do when you see evidence your boyfriend might be cheating.

Lilies asks: I am in a relationship with a guy and I love him so much, and I know he loves me too, but recently I saw a post on Facebook — a girl said she is in relationship with him! I ask him about it and he said the girl is his cousin. I asked the girl too; she just said the guy never mentioned my name before in any of their chats. I don’t want to lose him. What do I do?!

Hi Lilies –

Hmmm…  You know that feeling you get sometimes when you go out at night for a walk and to pee on a bush somewhere, and nothing is clearly wrong but you just get that feeling?  Your ears pick up, the fur on your back rises slightly, and you just don’t want to step forward because there’s just something that’s off?  (Well, it’s probably a little different for you humans, but that’s what it’s like for Continue reading

0 What are fun things for teenagers to do on vacation dates?

YJaan asks: Its actually the school holidays (3 weeks) and my boyfriend and I have decided to meet in a few days. I want to make this meeting sweet, enjoyable and memorable. What do you suggest we do? Help me please…

Hi YJaan –

Well this feels like an excellent sequel to your last question.  Thanks for asking it!  I suggested that you take your time and enjoy your relationship, and now you’re asking for some suggestions of what you can do.  Okay, here goes:

1)    Movies!  I can’t go to a movie theater, but people sure seem to love them, and it’s a great place for couples, since they can hang out together and actually learn a lot about what each other likes.  Go to a thriller, a comedy, a love story, a fantasy… and see who this is you’re with!

2)    Hiking – Is there somewhere near you where the two of you can go for a long walk in nature?  People often have really great Continue reading

0 Do good students always “fall off” as they near the end of high school?

pia asks: Hi, I have just completed my 10th, with a very good percentage. Many people have told me that students who score well in 10th usually tend to get low in 12th and fall in bad ways. I have lost all my confidence and motivation! I hope you understand my problem.

Oh what a bunch of poops!  I’m a big fan of telling the full truth, but this is a perfect example of what happens when people talk NEGATIVE all the time!  Look at you, Pia!  You are an excellent student, and clearly have a really good attitude.  Now do some students fall off at the end of their high school years (especially if they’ve already been accepted to a college or university)?  Absolutely.  But do you have to?  Of course not!

And look at what these naysayers have done to you!  You say that you’ve “lost all confidence and motivation.”  Yucch!  I hate Continue reading

0 What do do when you hear you’re being two-timed

Lilies asks: I am in a relationship with a guy, and I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. But recently I saw a post on Facebook: a girl said she is in a relationship with him! I asked him about it, and he said the girl is his cousin. I then asked the girl too, and she just said the guy never mentioned my name before in any of their chats! I don’t want to lose him, so what do i do?

Hi Lilies –

Hmmm…  You know that feeling you get sometimes when you go out at
night for a walk and to pee on a bush somewhere, and nothing is
clearly wrong but you just get that feeling?  Your ears pick up, the
fur on your back rises slightly, and you just don’t want to step
forward because there’s just something that’s off?  (Well, it’s
probably a little different for you humans, but that’s what it’s like
for me)  Your letter makes me feel the same way, Lilies. What was it
that Continue reading

0 Should I date someone who admits cheating before

YJaan asks: Hi! I’m 16 and I’ve a boyfriend (soon 18 years old) in the same school as mine. At first we were just friends. When we started dating each other, he told me everything about his past, ex-girlfriends (including that he used to cheat on most of them), etc. As time passed (one month) he told me that he’s really in love with me (so am I with him, and we also talk about our future together, like when we’ll marry). Now we’ve been together 10 weeks, but still that question comes into my mind: ‘Is he cheating on me??’ Now he also told me that he’s the type of guy who is very jovial and cheerful with girls. I don’t like that behavior of his but I think I’m getting to be used to it! My heart tells me ‘no, he’s not cheating me, he really loves me’ but my mind examines the question and says ‘yes he is indeed in love with me but I should not dare forget that he can cheat me like he used to do with some of the others!’ What should I do, because I actually really love him?

Hi YJaan –

There are a lot of questions posted on this site about people being afraid of being cheated on, and I recommend you check those out.  (Just put “cheat” in the Search box and a bunch should show up; for more, put in “trust”).

But you bring up some other issues I’d love to address.

First, you are 16 years old.  And you’ve been dating this guy for 10 weeks.  You are in no position to make ANY major decision about your life with this fellow.  This is the time to enjoy each other’s company, get to know each other, go out and do fun things together, and not do ANYTHING that’s going to affect your future.  I know it feels like he’s The One, and maybe he is, but you aren’t going to know that for a very long time.  Here’s my thought: on your 21^st birthday, if you’re still together and he hasn’t cheated on you at all, you have every reason to Continue reading

0 How to live with a snappy relative

amber95 asks: Hi Shirelle. I’m having family troubles at the moment with divorced parents, but my older brother of 19 is very moody and is always snappy with me. At the moment we are living separately but he will soon be moving in with me. What should I do about his behavior? Any advice?

Hi amber95 –

There is nothing more Boorrrrrrrrrrrring than living with someone snappy!  It just wears the other person down.  I know what it’s like when Handsome goes through rough times, and that gets me down.  But sometimes he’s had me have a “play date” with a dog who hates playing, and that just bites!  (And sometimes, so does the dog!)

So I’m with you.  Something needs to be done.  Now one thing I’m not sure of – will you two be living with one of your parents, or will it just be the two of you?  Either way, your job is to create some Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to accept their daughter getting back with a boyfriend who’s messed up

Hounddogblues asks: Long story: My dad died of cancer when I was 12, after a 3 year struggle, leaving just me and Mum. Mum has also had cancer since, and is in remission, and I had a long stint in hospital and a year out of Uni due to a kidney problem. That being said, this drama has brought me and Mum very close together. Whilst in my last year of Uni, I met my boyfriend, who is 7 years my senior. Mum didn’t really approve from day one (but no boy is ever good enough). I finally told her we were together, but within a week he had a breakdown and we argued. He left me with a mark on my neck after throwing my belongings (clothes) at me to pack and leave. I ran and made a fuss to my mum. A month later, he apologized and said he was seeking help through his Job in the army. I accepted that it was a breakdown and that he has totally changed. I’ve been back with him for 4 months, and he is perfect, better than ever. We want to get serious, but due to financial reasons I have had to move home. Mum does not know about our relationship, and I am scared to lose her or him. But if I don’t do something soon, I feel I’ll go mad myself. How do I break this to my mum without losing either of them? Getting help isn’t really an option as my mum refuses to see psychologists (I tried when she was grieving for dad). My boyfriend intends to speak to her alone and apologize, but she is stubborn and I know she won’t accept his apology.

Wow, this is a lot!  Living through all that would even give this hound dog the blues, Hounddogblues!

I guess the first thing to say is that I really respect your boyfriend for seeking and getting help.  So many people are torn between guilt, pride, and shame, and refuse to do that.  But I do hope you’ve been able to give him a sort of ultimatum too, along the lines of “I love you and am so glad you’re back, but if you do that again I’ll leave you that second.”  Your safety is my first concern.

But assuming that things are as good as you’re saying, then yes, you and your mother have some work to do.

You know, I love that you mention that, in her eyes, no man is ever good enough for Continue reading

0 When family members aren’t speaking

Erika asks: My sister had a big misunderstanding with her daughter (who is suffering from anxiety disorder). It has been two whole weeks that they haven’t talked to each other. My sister thinks that my niece has to make the first move, as she is younger, but it seems that my niece has no plans of doing so, as she is still hurting. What should my sister do, especially since her daughter’s birthday is fast approaching? Should she make the first move or not?

Hi Erika –

What a good sister and aunt you are, to take this on.  They’re lucky to have you.

I have a bit of a problem in not knowing how old your niece is.  I’d see different issues if she was eight, eighteen, or twenty-eight.

But not knowing, I can still speak on a few issues.  Firstly, your sister might be working to train her anxious daughter to face her fears and difficulties.  And if so, it’ll help if you support her in this.  But that support might include telling her if you think she’s doing part of it the wrong Continue reading

1 How to live knowing you’re attracted to the same sex.

uf18 asks: It’s an honor to write to you. I am a 14-year-old boy. Since childhood I always had sexual attraction toward males. I can’t decide what to do? Be straight or gay? Please help me. I am begging you. I wrote to a lot of advice columnists, but no one answered. So I hope you will be kind enough to answer my question. Thank you.

Hi uf18 –

Thank you for writing this extremely important question.  I’m sorry for the tough time you’re going through, and really respect you for reaching out to ask this.

Until pretty recently, no one really knew what determined anyone’s sexual orientation (a big word for what sort of people you’re attracted to).  But in the last decade or so, scientists have found that there’s a part of the brain that is different in size for people who are attracted to their own or the opposite sex.  It’s called the hypothalamus.  What’s so important about this discovery is that it makes it clear that attraction is not a Continue reading