Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 Should a teen move in with a difficult parent?

Epic1999 asks: I really want to move with in with my dad so I would live close enough to get to see this boy I like every day and we can go to the same school. But my dad and I don’t get on that well, and I don’t want to live with someone who I don’t get on with because it will get me stressed and that could put me in hospital – because I suffer from panic attacks. And second, I don’t want to move for this boy and then break up with him, because my mum won’t have me back if I move. What should I do?

Hi epic1999 –

Of course I don’t know enough to speak with any definitiveness on this, but my sense is that, as much as you’d like to live near this boy, it might not be worth it.  I mean… panic attacks?!  Hey those are miserable!  And if you’re living scared of those all the time, you won’t be able to relax enough to enjoy the relationship you moved there to have!   But on the other hand, is it possible that your moving there could help you create a better relationship with your dad?  If you did, then that would be a true win-win; you’d get the fun of the boyfriend and the lifelong joy of a better relationship with your father.

So my advice would be this:  If you think it’s worth trying, have a Continue reading

0 How to win a guy

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have a major crush on this boy, and this girl who knows I like him is always hugging on him and flirting with him and he likes her too. Can you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease give me advice on how to approach him and ask him out – because I want to get him before she does!

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

You want this boy to want to go out with you?  Make it happen!  If I see someone I want to like me, I run up to them and jump up and lick their face!  That’s probably not exactly the way for you to do it, but this isn’t the time for a slow approach.  You want to know “how to approach him and ask him out… before she does?”  DO IT!

Find excuses to talk with him, find out what he’s interested in, and ask him to something he likes.  What would that be?  Any of a million Continue reading

0 How to deal with a jealous friend

brena asks: My friend told my boyfriend she was in love with him, and that if she broke up with her boyfriend, he would be her backup plan (at that time my boyfriend and I were not together). Now we are together again, but it looks like she is jealous over us: she is always calling him to do things for her that I don’t ask him to do for me. His mother baked a cake and told him that I was to get the biggest slice, but instead the girl took out the bigger slice and ate it! I was so upset! I don’t trust her because she made my life hell when I was 15 (she made me talk to her 19-year-old cousin and they lied about his age, and he broke my heart! And she knew he was cheating on me, but because she was afraid of him she did not tell me). I once thought she was a nice person, but I don’t know what to think anymore. Because of this my boyfriend keeps reminding me about my past with her cousin, and it hurts so bad that sometimes I cry.

Hi Brena –

Now I know that there are at least two sides to every story, and I’m sure this girl has her viewpoint.  But I have to say that, from everything you’re telling me, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend at all!  The incident about her cousin sounds pretty innocent (I don’t notice most humans telling people the ages of the people they introduce them to – “Hi this is my cousin Donny, and he’s 32” sounds weird, you know? – and you even say that she didn’t tell you about his cheating because she was afraid of him).  But this other stuff is really weird.

Let me make sure I got it straight.  When you and your boyfriend were broken up, she told him he was her “backup plan.”  In other words, he was the guy she’d go out with if anything happened with her current relationship.  Now why would someone say such a thing?  What effect did she want to have on your boyfriend?  To get him to wait for her, out of hope that her relationship would Continue reading

0 Advice for a twelve-year-old girl thinking about dating

epic1999 asks: I’m 12 and I met this boy who is 13, nearly 14. We get on really well and he knows every thing about me and I know every thing about him. I have never felt like this before about any boy. Because he is older than me he asks me questions and I feel ok answering them. But my only worry is that he will want something from me and I will get hurt in the end. I have talked to all the family members I can trust, but they say that I’m too young to be in a relationship. So I just need a bit of advice.

Hi epic1999 –

I have many pet peeves – squirrels, cats, the sound of skateboards – but one of the big ones is the word “relationship.”  It’s SO vague!  Hey look, you and I are in a Relationship – because I’m writing you an answer to the question you asked me.  You’re in a Relationship with the computer you’re reading this on.  You’re in a Relationship with the chair you’re sitting on as you read this!  And of course you’re in a Relationship with every family member, friend, schoolmate, neighbor… in the end, you’re in a Relationship with everyone and everything there is!

So when your caring family members say that you’re too young to be in a relationship, what you’re really talking about is dating, romance, and (to some degree or another) sex!  Yes, even if that’s just holding hands or kissing on the Continue reading

0 What to do when you worry people are talking about you behind your back?

prettyndsweet12 asks: Dear Shirelle, I’m always worried that, whenever I’m not at school, people are talking about me behind my back and sharing my secrets. Can you give me some tips on how to relax and trust people?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

This is a problem for just about everyone, including all us dogs.  You’ll see when we meet each other, our tails usually go between our legs, and we carefully walk around each other and sniff.  This answers two questions – first, have we met before (and do I remember something that tells me whether or not I should trust this dog), and second, will the dog let me get this close.  Trusting is hard, and although we want to trust that dog, we also fear that it might hurt us.  So we do the best we can.

Your situation is a little different, though.  You’re not so afraid of what someone’s going to do when you’re there as you are of what happens when you’re Continue reading

0 What should a 13-year-old know about sex and sexuality?

ubyfaith asks: I want to know about sex and sexuality. I’m about to turn 13

Hi ubyfaith –

That is a HUGE subject, and I couldn’t begin to give you an “answer,” any more than if you asked me if I could tell you about chemistry or literature.

But there’s a very important point you bring up, which is that you’re at the age when everyone needs to learn about these things, and it’s so very important to learn truth (not myths) from the right people, in the right way.

Most people learn about these things from either their parents or biology classes in school, or a mixture of the Continue reading

1 How to divorce with children

Lakshmi asks: I am a mother of an 8-year-old. Of late my husband and I are not like we used to be. We have been frequently fighting, and today he said that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I am confused about the kid. I am from India, where divorce is still not very well accepted. I need advice please.

Hi Lakshmi –

I’m so very sorry that you’re going through such a painful experience.  I can’t imagine many things much more difficult.

I have to admit, I’m confused on one point.  You say that you are “from India,” but are you still living there now, or have you moved to another country?  Regardless, I don’t know where you are, so I can’t comment on the specific divorce laws of that area (not that I’m any expert on any laws other than the local leash laws, which are pretty scary to me!).

But I can comment on two aspects of what you say.  Firstly, although I think it’s terrible, people often say very harsh things to their spouses, way more intense than they really mean.  When your husband said he didn’t want you in his life anymore, it’s possible that he was just speaking his Continue reading

0 Is it possible to fall in love with two people at the same time?

connie asks: Is it possible to fall in love with two admirers?

Hi Connie –

Oh absolutely it is!  There are many tales about it: Scarlett loved Ashley and Rhett, lots of the Greek gods and goddesses had no trouble loving more than one person (or god) at the same time… and think about that lady that Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney sing about in “The Girl is Mine.”  You know she couldn’t help but love both of them!!!

What does seem true, though, is that it’s very rare that a person can fall in love with more than one person in the same way.  Scarlett loved Ashley’s nobility and innocence, while also loving Rhett’s scalawag strength.  In fact, lots of people argue that it’s impossible to have all your needs met by just one person, so it’s best to, even if you’re married, have other people who you love and keep in your life, besides your spouse.

The tough part, of course, is what you Continue reading

0 How to handle a friend who’s jealous of your other friends

emily rose asks: I have a ”friend” in my school who is jealous of me being friends with someone else and she’s always making fun of us and tricking us into doing stupid things and making us feel bad about our selves (but she is mostly hurting my friend). What should I do?

Hi emily rose–

Jealousy is such a lousy feeling, both for the person who’s feeling it and the person who it’s about.  Of course some mild jealousy is all right, and even can be fun (married humans say it can keep a romantic spark going), but what you’re describing isn’t fun at all.

I think the best thing about your letter is the quotation marks you put around the word “friend.”  Not that she doesn’t care about you, even to the point of devotion, but that she’s not doing a good job of being a friend right now.  Instead she’s being Continue reading

0 How to handle rejection

Amethyst asks: How does one handle rejection, especially as a teenager? And please could you give me stories of other teenagers that have overcome both rejection and depression?

Hi Amethyst –

The honest truth is it never feels good to be rejected.  I’m a really friendly pup, and I want to be friends with just about everyone I meet.  And I get rejected so often.  Maybe because someone’s scared of dogs, maybe they just don’t like us, and maybe they love dogs but are wearing black and don’t want me to shed all over them (I can’t help it – I don’t do it on purpose!).   Whatever it is, it hurts every time.  And when it’s someone I really care about, oh that’s like a knife in the heart!  The times when I’ve run up to Handsome and he’s been angry to see me (probably because I’d climbed over the fence and run across the street) I will never fully recover from.

On top of that, when you’re a teenager, you care more about acceptance from your peers than at any other time in your life.  So the boy who doesn’t call again, or the girl who is offended by your goodnight Continue reading