Is it possible to fall in love with two people at the same time?

connie asks: Is it possible to fall in love with two admirers?

Hi Connie –

Oh absolutely it is!  There are many tales about it: Scarlett loved Ashley and Rhett, lots of the Greek gods and goddesses had no trouble loving more than one person (or god) at the same time… and think about that lady that Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney sing about in “The Girl is Mine.”  You know she couldn’t help but love both of them!!!

What does seem true, though, is that it’s very rare that a person can fall in love with more than one person in the same way.  Scarlett loved Ashley’s nobility and innocence, while also loving Rhett’s scalawag strength.  In fact, lots of people argue that it’s impossible to have all your needs met by just one person, so it’s best to, even if you’re married, have other people who you love and keep in your life, besides your spouse.

The tough part, of course, is what you do with more than one person.  That can get very very dicey!  It’s difficult enough, especially as a teenager, to make and keep rules about what you do and don’t do with someone you love; but when you bring a third person in, it gets really tough!

There are really two ways you can go about this, connie.  You can openly talk with these two people about your feelings, and see what you can work out with the two of them, or you can decide between them.  Neither is easy.  (Of course, there’s the third choice – you could sneak around with them behind each other’s back – but that’s a good way to get bitten by two angry pitbulls at the same time, if you get caught – and you will get caught!)

Frankly, the easiest method is to keep everything cool for a while, and see if your feelings for one of them get stronger, while they lessen for the other.  The hard part of this is it’s best to not do anything with either of them while you’re figuring it out.  Don’t make out with them, and certainly don’t do more (If you do, it’ll make it tougher for the one you reject, and the one you accept will always remember that you were “cheating” on them, even though officially you weren’t!).

Now I know very well that there are people who’ll read this who’ll say “You’re crazy, Shirelle!  I had two boyfriends at the same time, and it was a blast!  They totally competed with each other for me, and so I had two great dates a week, with awesome dinners and great presents and flowers and…” But I’ll ask those people: how many of you are still with one of those romances?

Oh.  That’s what I thought.

Maybe it works out some of the time, but not often.  And it sounds to me like connie is actually in love, and would like something to work out long-term!  So I stick with my argument.

Here’s my final thought, connie, and it’s really the most important one.  Your job, in dealing with this very flattering and complimentary situation, is to be honest with yourself and with both of these admirers.  If you can do that, neither of them will hate you for having to make the choices you make.  And you can move on in your life, knowing that you’ve done the best you could, whatever happens.

Good Luck!  I’d love to know what happens!



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