Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 How to get a conversation going

sazuna45 asks: There is this guy I like. He’s kind of a friend and he is super friendly whenever he’s alone and I’m alone. So I want to talk to him but I really don’t know how to start a conversation. Please advise me! I can’t just say ‘hi’ cause then he’ll answer and walk away. Something that’ll keep a conversation longer?

Hi sazuna45 –

Your problem is a really common one.  You want to get a conversation going, but nothing you say gets that effect.  It’s like when I’m at the dog park, and I try to get the boy dogs to chase me, and they’ll notice me and run after me, but just for a second, and then walk over to something else.  How irritating!

The main trick I know for conversation is something called “Open-Ended Continue reading

0 Who is Handsome?

sazuna45 asks: I’m new here so I don’t know much about you. Can you tell me who Handsome is?

Hi sazuna45 –

Handsome is just the most wonderful, sweet, guy in the world.  He’s also the most irritating, controlling, annoying person I’ve ever met.  You see, he’s my human.  Some people consider him my “owner,” but he’d be the first to tell you that he no more owns me than I own him.  We just take care of each other all the time.

Handsome is the man who rescued me from the dog pound, and who feeds me and pets me and makes sure I have a roof over my head.   So he’s the Continue reading

0 How to convince your boyfriend you’re not lying to him

Shannon asks: My boyfriend won’t believe me – he thinks I am lying to him. Instead, he believes his ex girlfriend, who used to be my friend, but we have broken up our friendship. What should I do?

Hi Shannon –

So, of course, I don’t know what your boyfriend thinks you’re lying about.  Maybe his ex is saying you’re being mean to him, saying things behind his back, or even running around with other boys.  But regardless, it really comes down to one thing – closeness.

You see, she used to be the closest one to him.  And back then, he cared a ton about everything she did.  If she stood too closely to another boy, then that might bother him.  If she called him a name, that might bother him.  If she didn’t return a call from him quickly enough, that might bother him.

And now she’s out of that position, and you’re in it.  And more importantly, if she lies to him, it doesn’t mean that much, but if YOU lie to him, it means Continue reading

0 Should you trust a former enemy who wants to be your friend?

kittycat asks: My school enemy suddenly became my friend again. Now she’s tight with me and my BFF! Should I discuss it with my BFF or think it out thoroughly before I take more desperate measures? Is it normal, or are my BFF and I the bait to her master plan?!

Hi kittycat –

Oh I wish I were a psychic, instead of just a dog!  I am absolutely no good at all at knowing what people are thinking, especially people who I’m only being told about.  Is this former enemy nefariously planning to hurt you and your BFF, or is she truly liking you now?  I am clueless!

And of course the truth is – so are you.  And that’s really the important point here.  You don’t know. So your job is to make a decision based on Who You Want to Continue reading

0 What to do when someone threatens suicide

pinkflower61 asks: There is a girl in my class who mostly stays alone and is very sensitive. Once I talked to her – she appeared to be sad and she started talking about how she hates her life and thinks of suicide. I don’t know what to do about her – or should I do nothing because it is something usual for teens?

Hi pinkflower61 –

You’re right that it’s very common for teenagers to think about hurting or even killing themselves, without ever doing it.  But it’s also way too common that teens do hurt themselves, or at least try to.

The fact that you talked with this girl just shows that you’re great.  So many kids ignore the quiet loners.  You may well be the best friend she has in the school, even though you barely know her.  So the single best thing you can do to help her through this time is… just chat with her again.  Just be a friend.  I don’t mean that you have to make her your total responsibility, but what if you had lunch with her one day?  What if you introduced her to your other friends?  What if you even invited her to go out with some other kids some night?  This could truly change her Continue reading

0 How to tell your parents you’re gay

Athny asks: I recently found out I was gay. How do I explain it to my parents?

Hi Athny –

There are just about as many answers to your question as there are families.  I’ll go over some thoughts, but in the end, the answer is going to be to do what’s best for you and them.

It’s a normal rite-of-passage for just about everyone, that they have to tell their parents something they’re pretty sure those parents don’t want to hear.  Maybe it’s that you’re moving out, or you’re dating someone they don’t like, or getting married, or even voting a different way than they do.  But few of these carry as much tension as when someone tells their parents that their sexual Continue reading

0 How can I be less sensitive

danashafik123 asks: How can I be less sensitive?

Hi danashafik123 –

You know, it’s a funny thing, I think we all wish for that some times.  We play a rough sport, and everyone else is fine with falling and being jumped on, but we find it hard because we feel more pain than the others (or because we can’t retaliate!  Dogs do not like dodgeball!!!).  Or something sad or hurtful happens to us, and we wish we didn’t feel so awful.  Maybe our friends or family are even telling us “Get over it!  Move on!” and we just can’t.

And so we wish we were less sensitive.

Now some people are too physically sensitive.  They might have something called Sensory Integrative Disorder, or even a form of Continue reading

0 Is a spouse responsible for their spouse’s behaviors?

Marussia asks: I’ve read recently that if I change my husband will change as well. We’ve got a 6-year old son, and for about a year my husband has been drinking beer and stronger alcohol. Is the problem in me? In my attitude towards him? Sometimes we quarrel and he can shout at me, then he calms down and says he loves me.

Hi Marussia –

This is SUCH a complex question!  It’s kind of like asking how much parents determine the personality of their kids.  The answer is always yes, but never 100%.

My friend Handsome works with a lot of couples.  And every time he begins to think someone’s issues are all because of their spouse, he’s proven wrong.  And every time he thinks they’re all for other reasons, he’s proven wrong too.

But that doesn’t help you any.  You’re wondering why your husband Continue reading

0 Should one get back together with an ex they dislike but are drawn to?

lovelyme asks: My ex and I didn’t talk for a long time. Now that we have just started talking, he’s driving me crazy (in a good way). I think I’m falling for him just a tiny bit. The sad part is that I don’t like him at all! My mind says, “Don’t you fall for that again!” But then my heart says “maybe or maybe not!” I really don’t know what to do!

Hi lovelyme –

I assume you already realize this, but your situation sounds like about ten thousand romantic comedies – you hate the boy but you just can’t get over him.  I don’t have an easy answer (unless he’s Clark Gable and you’re Claudette Continue reading

2 What to do when a teen falls in love with their step-parent

a soft breeze asks: A stepfather is good to his wife’s children, so much so that one of the wife’s daughters (teen,15) fell in love with him and wants to marry him. She is jealous of her mother. He is very upset. He tried to show to her that his relationship is that of a father. But she cannot control her feelings. He threatened her that he will not see her anymore, that she could stay in her father’s house and not come back to his house, or he will come to his house only when she’s not there. She sent him a letter saying that if he quits from her life she will commit suicide. He’s confused. What should he do?

Hi a soft breeze –

This is an absolutely horrible situation!  It sounds miserable for him, for her, and I’m sure it’s just terrible for her mother and father.  While it’s great for stepchildren to love their stepparents, this is a strange and terribly twisted version of that.

I like and respect that he is working so hard to set boundaries with her.  He’s absolutely right to do that.  But there is one further thing that’s necessary – and I mean necessary, not “it’d be a nice idea.”  He, his wife, and her daughter, must Continue reading