kittycat asks: My school enemy suddenly became my friend again. Now she’s tight with me and my BFF! Should I discuss it with my BFF or think it out thoroughly before I take more desperate measures? Is it normal, or are my BFF and I the bait to her master plan?!
Hi kittycat –
Oh I wish I were a psychic, instead of just a dog! I am absolutely no good at all at knowing what people are thinking, especially people who I’m only being told about. Is this former enemy nefariously planning to hurt you and your BFF, or is she truly liking you now? I am clueless!
And of course the truth is – so are you. And that’s really the important point here. You don’t know. So your job is to make a decision based on Who You Want to Be.
You see this kind of things in us dogs a lot. There are dogs who’ve been hurt, kicked, abandoned, and yelled at by people enough times that they really don’t trust humans at all. If you try to approach one, it will snarl, bark, back away – maybe even bite. Now it knows that you might be a nice person, but it’s had enough bad experiences that it’s made the decision “I’d rather feel safer by not trusting, than open myself up to whatever niceness they might offer.”
You can probably guess, I tend to be the opposite kind of dog. Unless something about someone gives me the creeps, I tend to trust everyone. I figure they’ll like me, that they’ll want to play with me, that they’ll want to scratch my ears and rub my tummy, and that they might even like me enough to give me a treat. Now sometimes I’m wrong. And sometimes really wrong! Some people hate or fear dogs, and some people particularly hate or fear me! But most of the time, I find that people at least tolerate me, and usually really like me a lot.
So when I said above that it’s about who you want to be, it’s really a question of if you want to be like me or that other dog. Now there are good reasons to be both – the dog who’s mistrusting never gets betrayed! But the one who’s trusting gets a lot more petting and treats.
If you’re thinking that you’d rather be like me, then that means you should embrace this new friend (former enemy) and let her become a great part of your lives. And if she stays nice and supportive, then all’s great. But if she doesn’t, if she turns on you or your friend, THEN you both kick her out completely.
As to whether or not you should say anything to your BFF, I’d say it’s probably a good idea to say something, even if it’s “Wow she’s changed so much; she used to be really mean and now she’s such a great person!” That way, if she turns back into the jerk she used to be, your friend won’t feel you kept a secret from her.
Good Luck with it, kittycat. I hope it works out for the best! (But you know me, always trusting and optimistic!)