Category Archives for "Relationships"

1 Should people stay friends after breaking up

sazuna45 asks: When people date and they break up, they stop talking and they get awkward and they ignore and sometimes even hate, each other. I find that very sad. When best friends start dating and they break up, they stop being friends, they cant even look each other the same way after all that. Don’t you find that sad? Do you think its normal for people to act that way? But most importantly, is it okay if past lovers stay friends? Do you think they can remain friends?

Hi sazuna45 –

Your timing is perfect.

You see, Handsome’s had a lot of girlfriends over the years.  I always like them at first, but some weren’t so crazy about me, so I learned to stay away from them (and eventually, so did Handsome!).  But of course, at least at the beginning, he was nuts about all of them.

Now most of the time, when they broke up, it was the way you describe.  Not necessarily that he hated her or she hated him, but they learned that they were happier keeping some distance from each other.

I guess I both understand and don’t Continue reading

0 How to control jealousy

prettyndsweet12 asks: Do you have any tips on controlling jealousy?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions we have.  Note the word “we.”  We dogs can be very jealous – as any pooch who Handsome’s ever found adorable and cuddly has learned!  “RRROOOWFF!  I’ll teach you to let him scratch your belly!!”

All cultures have stories of jealousy.  In The Bible, the first kids ever born have enough jealousy between them that one kills the other!  That’s some nasty stuff!

I really like your question, because you didn’t ask how to get rid of jealousy (which is impossible), but how to control it.  And that’s something anyone can do.

The trick is to realize that jealousy actually comes from a Continue reading

0 What happens when we start following others?

dumboo asks: What will happen if we start following others?

Hi dumboo –

When we are young, following others is pretty much all we do.

Who do I mean by “we?”  Well, we dogs definitely follow our mothers and siblings when we’re very young, and when we get interested in a human, we’ll follow you everywhere, all day long!  Have you ever watched ducklings?  They swim in a nearly perfect line behind their mothers when in water, and walk right behind her as well on land.

And you humans?  When you are babies, your primary focus is on your caregivers – whether your parents or someone else – and trying to learn how to be like them.  That’s how humans learn to walk and talk, probably the two most Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea to set up a Gay-Straight Alliance?

Athny asks: I’m thinking of making a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance), But, I’m not sure of what people would think, and how people would react (Some of my people are part of the rare species called Homophobic) – not to mention who would join.

Hi Athny –

The history of the human race can be viewed as a long journey in civil rights.  I guess when you all were cavemen, things were pretty even and equal between you.  But once you started civilizations, certain people started to be treated better than others, everywhere.  And groups that were powerful at one time became downtrodden later on, and vice versa.  Over the last 300 years or so, the idea of equality of all humans has been an ideal that’s only grown.  Different societies have gone about this in different ways, but overall, humans have aimed for higher equality between races, ethnic groups, sexes, economic classes… and, more recently, sexual Continue reading

0 How to get a relationship going between two people who are both scared of it

Mandhie asks: I am interested in a boy. He is a very good student and was the head boy when we were in middle school; so everybody expects something good from him and in order to release the stress, he has nothing to do than to retreat. (When I asked you about him before, you commented, “he retreats from one thing that brings out all these reactions and confusions and feelings.” Sorry but I don’t understand. Could you explain that part to me?) Right now, I feel the stage at which we are is not good for dating, but although I don’t know why, I am feeling kinda in a hurry to have a boyfriend. I am 15, and he will turn 16 this November. He is the kind of guy who expects he will have a girlfriend when he is maybe in his 20s. He would like to date only one girl so that no girl would have a bad impression about him, and he can be special only to her. And Shirelle, I want to be that girl he will hold her hand for the first time. This stage isn’t the best to date, so I’m waiting. I know he likes me, even though so many other girls like him. So we are just trying to ignore each other and be just friends although we wish to be together. I remember one day, his mum came to visit my mum and called me “daughter in-law.” Shirelle, my heart jumped out when she said that! His brothers also like to tease us as future husband and wife. All these beautiful things happen, but it seems we can’t be together since we both can’t express our feelings. At times, I wish he had never come into being, because I think about him all the time and it is not helping me! Please help Shirelle, I’m just thinking about something I feel will never happen.

Hi Mandhie –

Okay, let’s get this out at the start:  This is SUCH a romantic letter!!!  I’m just swooning!

Now, about what I meant about “the one thing that brings out all these reactions and confusions and feelings…” I mean YOU!  Just as you feel lots of feelings toward him that you express in this letter, he feels probably even more toward you – and all of them make him feel pressure.  Pressure to talk to you, pressure to be cool and avoid you, pressure to run away from you in case you’d be mean to him, pressure to run away from you in case you’d be super-nice to him!, pressure to figure things out, pressure to touch you… ALL those at once, and it’s just too much for one brain to handle!  Have you seen “Pacific Rim?”  It’s like there, when the people get hooked up and suddenly their brain has to take in too much and their noses start to bleed from the pressure!  That’s this guy!  (And it’s very likely a total compliment to you!).

Now when it comes to your question about yourself, I’d give the same Continue reading

0 How a parent should deal with their teenagers’ peer relationships

tefexu asks: How should I treat my young daughter (15) as to her relationships with her peer groups?

Hi tefexu –

My general answer to you is similar to what I’d say to a vanquished army after a war, if they asked me how they should treat the winners: be nice and try to get along, but hold to some boundaries.

Starting around age 8, human children begin to move away from being completely focused on their parents, and get more interested in their peers.  By age 13 or so, the peers actually become more important in their minds than their parents or other authority figures.

Now don’t get too frightened.  I’m not saying that the peers have more Continue reading

0 What to do when someone who likes you shies away from you

curiouscutie asks: I’m in grade 10. I met this nice boy in grade 3, and we became good friends (and family friends too) but we never talked in school. Then when we had to leave our elementary school for high school he left to India, but soon came back (but we weren’t in the same classes anymore). Once in 7th grade he came to my class, with some friends, for something. There was a seat empty behind mine, so he sat there with his friends and started talking to me. He was just casually talking to me, but his friends and my friends started teasing us that we liked each other. Soon there were rumors in school that I liked him. Suddenly, he stopped talking to me. He wouldn’t say hi nor would reply to my hi. If he passed me he would ignore me as if I wasn’t there, as if I was invisible. When I joined Facebook I tried to add him but he blocked me. He was behaving very oddly. I thought he believed in the rumors. We have mutual friends in school, and when I hang out with them and see him, he says hi to them and talks to them but ignores me. I don’t know what’s happening. It’s annoying and making me angry. I don’t understand what my fault is – it’s been three years since we have had any interaction! What should I do?

Hi curiouscutie –

Well, as you know, I am an extremely intelligent and perceptive dog (well, intelligent in some ways!), but I am not psychic.  I can’t read minds, as much as I’d like to.  So I can’t guarantee that I know what’s going on in this boy’s mind.

However, I often am a very good guesser.  So I’ll throw my guess at you.

And that is that boys around seventh-grade tend to have a TON of things going on in them.  Relationships with friends and family are changing, their bodies are changing, the chemicals inside them are changing, and what they really want and need is often to run away and be by themselves in a deep dark wood for a few months, while at the same time to hang out with only their friends, and at the same time stay home with their families, and at the same time start dealing with their changing attitudes about girls…  and it’s just impossible!  So what they do is to Continue reading

0 How to kindly reject someone online

Chicken asks: A girl found me on Instagram, and now on kik, and asked if I would date her. I don’t really know how to say no. I wouldn’t date her, but I’ve never been asked out and I don’t know how to reject… Please help!

Hi Chicken –

Rejection is a funny thing.  We all hate being rejected (oh how it hurt, especially when I was young, and I’d run up to play with people who’d push me away, or dogs who’d get angry and bark and bite at me!).  But of course we all have to do it many times (yes, even us dogs).

I think the reason people are so often afraid to reject is because they remember how much it hurt when someone rejected them.  But the truth is, the rejections that hurt the most are usually the Continue reading

1 What to do when you find your best friend is gay

lovelyme asks: I’ve been talking to a girl – as in trying to get to know each other in a passionate way. I’m not gay or a lesbian, but ironically I’m falling for a girl. We exchange few “I love you” and sweet text messages. We kissed a couple of times, and I introduced her to my family. But I’m not ready to go with a girl. Her mom doesn’t know she’s gay. What should I do? I think I kind of brought her in too deep. I like boys and I’m stuck.

Hi lovelyme –

Issues about attraction between people of the same sex were so hushed over, for so long, that today it all seems to be exploding.  Laws are changing, definitions of institutions and rights are changing, even religions are changing.  It’s huge and exciting, and I think it’s absolutely wonderful (I jump on and lick everyone, and have never cared a bit about the shape of their body!).

I bring this up because, in truth, the situation you’re in is very simple, and has nothing to do with being gay or not.  The fact is, you’re attracted to a friend, even falling for her somewhat, but you don’t want to go out with her on a committed basis.  This is about as normal as Continue reading

0 How to stop thinking about someone who’s great

Cookie Vidal asks: I just got back from camp and I can’t stop thinking about this super cute guy that I met there! How do I stop thinking about him?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Why?

Why would you want to stop thinking about him?  If he’s that great, enjoy it!  Do you need to concentrate more?  If so, I can send you some suggestions for that.  Or do you have a boyfriend who might get jealous from you thinking about another boy this much?  Maybe I can help with that.

But in the meantime — I smelled some barbecued ribs yesterday, and am still thinking about how great they smelled, and I hope I still am tomorrow!  Handsome’s a bit annoyed that I’m drooling on everything, but other than that, having that “object of desire” in my brain is GREAT!

Cheers,

Shirelle