prettyndsweet12 asks: Can you give me some tips for going back to school?
Hi prettyndsweet12 –
I don’t know your exact age or school year now, but here are some tips in general for anyone going back to school:
1) Try to schedule your time as well as you can from the beginning. If a teacher tells you on the first day that you’ll have a big Continue reading
a query asks: I am 17 and have just joined a job, but now my college timings and my job timings are clashing, and I am not getting time to study or be with my friends. Should I leave the job?
Hi a query –
What you’re dealing with is maybe the toughest issue for a 17-year-old: Time Management. Your brain is still forming its sense of time (it’s the last part to develop in a growing human), which is why, normally, humans arrange for people of your age to live in strictly-enforced schedules (whether that’s at a school, the military, or entry-level job). Because you’re being so hard-working and responsible, though, you’re having to struggle in this. And that’s really tough.
The only answer I can give you is to spend some Continue reading
sos asks: How can I ensure the safety and happiness of my child after my death?
Hi sos –
Of course, your question is one that every parent in history has asked. Although some other animals only nurture for a short time (like us dogs), or don’t nurture at all (“Hey I laid the eggs, you’re on your own now!”), humans have a gigantic protective instinct that kicks in during pregnancy and never leaves. Can you imagine any other species insisting on getting together every year for holidays, or leaving inheritances of property to their young?!
This is one of humans’ greatest qualities. I suppose it exists because human babies are born so early, compared to other species. We puppies are able to walk almost as soon as we’re born; most humans take a year to learn that skill. Imagine what would have happened to any human baby who didn’t have at least one parent who wanted to stick around and take care of them for more than a month after birthing them!
Because of this instinct, every parent wants to ensure that their children are safe and happy throughout their lives (I know some readers will point out that there are parents who don’t seem to have this instinct at all, and abandon or even abuse their children. I would argue, however, that those parents are in conflict with this instinct inside them, but it is still there). And that wish continues, as you express in your question, to after their own passing.
So is it possible to ensure this? Of course not. A parent can’t guarantee that their child is safe in a car next to them, or on a playground with them watching, or even in their own house. And no one can ever guarantee happiness, for themselves or any other person. At any time – much less after they’re gone.
What a parent can do, however, at any and all times, is their best. They can do everything in their power to help their children have the possibility of safety and happiness. Here are a few suggestions for ways to do this for your children, given the assumption that they will outlive you.
1) Leave a will. As the old line says, you can’t take it with you. If you have any money or property, arrange to have it bequeathed to your children when you’re gone. And the more you can do to make sure that it’s fairly distributed, if you have more than one beneficiary, the better!
2) Give them self-esteem now. We hear every day of rich kids becoming drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. Money sure didn’t keep them safe. Whether your values are religious or intellectual or even purely social, you are the person who has the most power over your kids’ views of their own value and importance. Let them know how special they are. Let them know what you hope for, and expect from, them. And let them know that, when you go, their happiness and safety will be all you’re hoping for.
3) Live a good life yourself. If your kids are stuck with cleaning up a big mess of debt, guilt, and shame from your actions, that’s not helping them towards happiness and safety. But if, instead, you leave a legacy of kindness and honesty, all they’ll have to do when you go is grieve. Which they’ll likely have to do a lot!
4) Leave the world a better place. You can’t control everything in the world – no one can – but every time you throw trash out into nature, or shame a child, or commit a cruelly selfish act, you make the world a worse place for the future. See if you can live a life such that, at the moment you leave this life, you can look back and say that the world was better for you having been here. If so, that means a better world for your kids and theirs.
5) And here’s my favorite – write them a letter. If it can be book-sized, so much the better. Tell them what you’ve learned in your life. Tell them the mistakes you made, and what you think you should have done differently. Tell them the best decisions you made (which might include having had those kids!). Tell them what you did differently from your parents, and how you hope your children will make different decisions to yours. And tell them what you feel for them. That gift would, I think, do more than anything else to make their lives better after you’re gone.
Though, yeah, money never hurts!
Thank you for the wonderful question!
Shirelle
vampire22 asks: My parents have really been annoying me lately. I walked into my room to find that my mother had completely torn it apart. When I gave out to her, my father walked in and started giving out to me. They’re trying to make me go places, but I don’t want to go because school starts in three weeks and I’m nervous about that. No one understands, and my mother is trying to send me to a therapist because she says I’m too emotional. I can’t get away from it!
Hi vampire22 –
Boy, that does sound annoying! I know that parents can sometimes really misunderstand their kids, and do and demand things that have nothing to do with where those kids really are at.
So I have a solution, I think. And it’s a funny one, because it’s their Continue reading
marlitha asks: My parents are separated. My mom is always busy at work, and when she comes home she never has time for me. She never asks me questions about my life (except to ask if I have homework). Everybody else in my class says that they love their moms because they always take time out for them. What should I do?
Hi marlitha –
There was a period of history when most mothers stayed at home and spent their time taking care of the household and raising the children. For many reasons, that time has largely shifted to a new age when many women have to work outside the home. It’s good in some ways, and kind of lousy in some others. And probably the worst of those is that those women often come home tired and stressed, and aren’t as able to give their children the love and attention they otherwise would (they don’t walk the dogs as much either, lots of the time, which really gets under my collar!).
Of course it would be best if your mom could spend more time with you, and I’ll bet she’d Continue reading
mabs asks: What is teenage pregnancy all about, the causes, effects, and consequences?
Hi mabs –
I’m a bit confused by your question. Are you asking what the causes, effects, and consequences of actual pregnancy are? If so, the easy answers are: Sex and Babies!
But if you’re asking about the upsurge in teen pregnancy in recent years, your question is too big for this website!
The causes would include everything from changing sexual mores in Continue reading
Sarah asks: I feel like I can’t trust or talk to anybody, because I always feel judged, especially by my mom. She always judges me on everything I do, and keeps stuff from me instead of talking to me about it. I also hate it when she’s home, and sometimes I fear her. I can’t be myself around her, and its also affecting me with other people because I am so anti-social and have low self-esteem. I really want to change how I interact with people but I feel like she’s holding me back from the world. Please give me some advice.
Hi Sarah –
Oh I hate hearing things like this. Parents almost always do what they think is best for their kids, but sometimes they make this gigantic mistake, of overjudging, overprotecting, and so stifling them.
The first word of advice I can give you is long-term, which is to just Continue reading
Max asks: At home, I do lots of work but when it comes going out, I feel like not going. I go to college, and if I have to go somewhere, I can go for sure, but when I am home, no matter how important the matter is, I don’t feel like going. Is this laziness, or is something wrong with me?!
Hi Max –
Yes, there’s something wrong with you. It’s your age! You’re a college-age boy, and although we usually have this image of guys that age being aggressive, driven, excited, and very social, the truth is that this is a time when males often need to retreat for a while.
Am I correct in guessing that you’re also having some trouble making decisions these days? That the world is expecting you to pick your major, pick your top interests, find a spouse… and you’re not quite able to choose between eating a carrot and an Continue reading
sazuna45 asks: I’m getting really bored in vacation so I want some good books to read. Any suggestions? (Except books I have already read like: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Twilight, The Hunger Games, A Thousand Splendid Suns, The Kite Runner, Emma, Rebecca, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, David Copperfield, Ella Enchanted, Tom Sawyer, Moon and Sun Tales, etc.) Please! Any help will be appreciated!
Wow sazuna45! You’ve read all those books already?
My inclination, based on what you’ve sent me before, is that you might enjoy some good poetry, especially of a romantic nature. Have you ever read any Emily Dickinson? You might really love her stuff. Also, one of Handsome’s favorite all-time writers was Edgar Allan Poe, who wrote beautiful sad love poems, as well as lots of the greatest scary stories ever penned.
I have a few ideas of novels, though, based on what you Continue reading
Chandu asks: How to correct an alcoholic teenager?
Hi Chandu –
This is a great question, but before I answer at all, I want to clarify something – the word “alcoholic.”
Alcoholism is a terrible disease, an addiction in which the sufferer is unable, or nearly unable, to resist the urge to drink, no matter how bad the consequences are. It’s much more than just a desire; it involves the person’s brain being literally re-wired, in a way that can never be undone, even after decades of sobriety.
Lots of teenagers drink, and lots drink way more than is remotely healthy for them or those around them, without being Continue reading