What to do when your parents threaten to send you to a therapist

vampire22 asks: My parents have really been annoying me lately. I walked into my room to find that my mother had completely torn it apart. When I gave out to her, my father walked in and started giving out to me. They’re trying to make me go places, but I don’t want to go because school starts in three weeks and I’m nervous about that. No one understands, and my mother is trying to send me to a therapist because she says I’m too emotional. I can’t get away from it!

Hi vampire22 –


Boy, that does sound annoying!  I know that parents can sometimes really misunderstand their kids, and do and demand things that have nothing to do with where those kids really are at.


So I have a solution, I think.  And it’s a funny one, because it’s their idea!


Most therapists are trained to look at family units as a whole, not just at the kid.  And most therapists are inclined to really listen to kids’ frustrations and take them seriously.  AND most therapists actually think it’s good to express emotions.


So while I can’t guarantee that one particular therapist will act just like another, my guess is that if you agree to go to the therapist they’re suggesting, that therapist is going to eventually talk with them, and tell them something like “You need to respect vampire22’s boundaries better.  You shouldn’t go tearing up vampire22’s room, or losing your temper.  You should only demand vampire22 go places with you if it’s really important, and you should respect vampire22’s desire to spend time alone and in private.  And you should help vampire22 prepare emotionally for school to start.”


Now does that mean that this therapist is going to say that it’s okay for you to “give out” to them?  No, they’ll likely work to get you to find healthier and more productive ways to express your feelings.  But hey, what’s wrong with that?!  That’ll help you too.


Now again, you might find that you get a therapist who’s not as much on your side as what I’m describing.  But just in case I’m right, my advice is to agree to go, and tell the therapist exactly what you’ve told me, and lots more.  Because if that does work, it will work better than anything else I could possibly recommend to you!




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