Category Archives for "Questions"

0 What to do when your boyfriend accuses you of lying

samantha asks: My boyfriend thinks I lied to him. I didn’t, but he won’t believe me and won’t answer my texts. Here is the situation: I got worried that he may have been cheating on me so I added one of his friends on snapchat that I saw he snapchats a lot, just wanted to see who the person was. On Monday, she posted a 45 second story of her in the car listening to music, but it never showed her face, so I went on with my day. Later in the day, my boyfriend texted me that his best friend said I screenshot her story on snapchat, so I replied saying I didn’t but that I watched the story. He then replied, “So you’re gonna lie when you just blocked her on snapchat? Why are you lying?” (with some more colorful words as well). I replied, “I haven’t blocked anyone or erased anyone or anything. I’m so confused about what you’re talking about.” He responded, “She called me all weekend asking who you were, and I know you blocked her.” And I responded, “I didn’t block her,” and he said “She doesn’t even know you,” so I then told him I had added her on snapchat to see who she was and that was it, and he accused me of lying again. I’ve since then tried to see him so we can talk in person, but he hasn’t responded to any of my texts.

Hi samantha –

You probably know, I’m usually a very positive-minded pup, eager to encourage people to try to make relationships work.  But in this particular case, I’m afraid I’m coming from a somewhat less excited place.

Let me explain.  Lots of couples treat each other well most of the time, but get into misunderstandings or arguments, which can often result in problems, and I’m so happy to step in and try to help them work things out, and get back to the loving place where everyone is happier.

But I’m not seeing that here!

I’m seeing a guy who’s very Continue reading

0 How to hang out with friends when you can’t drive

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’m finally 15 ! It seems like just yesterday I was 12 years old, struggling with my medical condition asking you for help. Now my life has changed a lot. I’m tired of people asking me to hang out and having to turn them down because I have no ride, or I’m scared to ask my mom. I wanna be the 15 year old that shops with her friends, has sleepovers, hangs out and even gets in trouble for being out to late! Where do I start – but most importantly how do I start? I don’t feel comfortable asking my mom to let me get picked up by a 16-year-old boy, but I want the teenage experience!

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

So if I understand your question rightly, you’re saying that your friends are asking you to come out and have fun, and you’re eager to do it, but you feel you can’t because you don’t have a ride and you’re not comfortable asking your mom.  Is that right?

I might be missing something here, but my first thought is — how are they getting to where they meet up?  Can they pick you up, or could their parents pick you up?  And if they’re too far away for that, can you take a bus or even a cab, to get to them?

I’m wondering if you’re being more Continue reading

0 How to raise funds for a cause at school

Evies pack asks: My friends and I started this “fundraiser,” going around the school and collecting signatures for endangered animals. Before lunch, it was a hit. We totaled in 39 signatures! But after lunch, rumours were saying that it’s illegal to do that and everybody wanted to take their name off!!! It bothered me so much. I spent more then an hour in the bathroom trying to calm down. What can I do?

Hi Evies pack –

I might be a little confused, but I’ve never heard about any laws against raising funds or collecting signatures to help endangered animals.

One question though: Were you collecting these things for a particular organization, or just for yourselves to donate?  If the latter, you might want to try it again, with the Continue reading

0 What to do when your boyfriend shows too much interest in your friends

Mandhie asks: The guy I’ve told you about and I are in different schools now. We are also staying distant. I am in school most times he calls me, which makes me delighted to know he is calling. When we start talking, we start with the usual greetings “Hey, how are you doing?” and so on and so forth… but as the communication proceeds, he asks about some girls in my room. When he first asked me about the number of people in my room in school and I replied ‘6,’ he asked me for their names, and I told him. This started around last month. Now, anytime he calls, he asks me for their phone numbers and when I ask why, he goes like ‘oh nothing.. Just give it to me.’ In a playful tone. Truthfully, I don’t know any of the numbers of the girls in my room. But even if I did, i wouldn’t give them to him. Also, since I get worried by him asking for the numbers, it makes me shout at him when replying. It feels bad to do so. Or at times I intentionally stay mute and make him repeat, “Hey… are you there?” When he is done talking, I give excuses and say, “Sorry but I have to go… Call you later.” It really feels bad, as I feel I am being rude. I’m getting very worried. It’s like we are being the ‘normal’ friends I am with someone else. What is happening!? Has he lost interest in me? Has he found another girl? Also, he keeps asking me when we will vacate. And when I ask, “Why? Will you come see me?” he replies, “Maybe.” This is getting me confused. If he gets the phone numbers from someone else he knows in my school, will he be calling the girls during the Christmas holidays, or does he really want to come to see me? I don’t like the kind of person he is turning into. I feel he has met some friends who are peer pressuring him. Shirelle, I love him. Please help me not lose him. I really also don’t want the situation whereby I will be so disturbed I end up acting desperate and jump into saying ‘I love you’ first!

Hi Mandhie –

I have to admit, I have no idea what he’s doing!  He might be trying to tease you and make you a little jealous, or he might be trying to connect to those girls so he can talk with them about you (perhaps to get you a present, or set up a surprise visit)… or he might be kind of weird and actually thinking of hitting on your roommates!  I have no idea!

The only way you can find out is to Continue reading

0 Why should a person hire a psychotherapist?

Salvatore asks: You had asked me before whether I am consulting a psychiatrist or a therapist or not, for my grief and depression over the loss of my mother. The answer is ‘NO’ for the following reasons: I am of the view that a psychiatrist is an ordinary guy who will try to fix my problems because its his profession; I feel that opening my heart and my life history will induce the same pain I felt when I actually went through the painful circumstances; I also feel that if I go to a psychiatrist and tell him everything, God may not like it – He’ll think that I am complaining for what happened; and last, but not least, my elder brothers and sister don’t have time to take me for sessions (my brothers have consuming jobs and my sister’s in a very difficult school program). I share all I have to you, instead of a therapist, because it doesn’t give me mental fatigue. Nowadays, everyday when I wake up, the first thought that comes in my mind is that my mom is dead. I feel shallow. The normal routine is almost restored. Sometimes i feel there is nothing wrong, while at other times I feel that life is unnatural’. I get the feeling that I can never achieve my goals. But my brother often reminds me that, ”God doesn’t burden a soul more than his strength.”

Hi Salvatore –

Of course, I’m not one to demand anything of anyone (except squirrels – I do yell at them to get off my roof!).  But I would like to throw one more argument at you, about talking to a professional (doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist – they tend to cost so much! – but a school counselor, a therapist, a spiritual leader… just someone who knows what they’re doing).  It’s a story I heard recently.

There was a man, of great faith.  The weather forecasters told everyone in the area that a huge flood was coming.  And this man knew, deep in his heart, that God would save him.  So when it started to rain, and some neighbors stopped by in their truck and asked if he wanted to come with them to escape the flood, he said, “No, for I know God will save me.”  So they drove off.  It rained and rained and rained, till all the ground was covered in over a foot of water.  Some people rowed up to his house in a boat, and asked if he would climb in, so everyone could get to safer ground.  “No thank you, I know God will save me.”  So they rowed away.  It kept raining and raining, till the only place the man could be was on the roof of his house.  A police helicopter flew down and lowered a ladder to him.  “No thank you, officers.  I’m fine.  I know God will save me.”  Finally they pulled the ladder up and flew away.  And it kept raining and raining, and eventually the water overtook him and he drowned.

He then went to heaven, and beheld Continue reading

0 How to approach a girl who’s scared of boys

Gabriel H. asks: I’m an 8th grader and I kinda have a crush on this new transfer student in the 7th grade. I know about her because she’s in the same class as my little brother. I heard from my bro that she’s very shy and quiet and never smiles. I wasn’t interested at first, but one day on a weekend, I went out to run some errands and when I was passing by the park, I saw the girl and she was playing with a little girl which I assume was her sister, and she was smiling and laughing with the her. And I guess, I fell for her. I told my bro about it and he teased me, but he promised to help me out. The next day, he had a study group at out house and he invited the girl. I tried to be friends with her but I discovered that she has an extreme case of boy phobia. The only reason she agreed to go to a study group with my bro was that one of her friends liked my bro’s best friend and she came to support her. I really want to help her out with her problem and get to know her but how can I when I’m her fear itself? Help!

Hi Gabriel H. –

I think this problem is a lot more common than most people think.  I see it all the time – very nice teens, who like and want to be liked, but are afraid of where things might lead with potential romantic partners.  I think there are two main reasons for this.  One is a very intelligent fear of things going too far physically, and not being able to keep that from happening.  The other is, very often, a fear of growing up, leaving childhood behind.  Peter Pan loved Wendy, but he didn’t want to become her boyfriend, or certainly her husband!

The solution for someone like you, Gabriel H., is to meet this girl where she is.  If you ask her out to a romantic movie, she’s going to be scared, and probably say “no.”  But if you befriend her, she will likely warm up to you, and learn to trust you.  And while I can’t guarantee that that friendship will turn into something more, it’s really the only way it can happen.

So what do I mean by “befriend?”  Well, for starters, just Continue reading

0 How to help an oldest child deal with feelings of sibling rivalry

Candy kids asks: I have three boys ages 3, 4, and 6. My 6-year-old is very unhappy lately. He pouts a lot, and does not smile or act silly like he used to. He gets mad at his little brothers often and has been getting aggressive and angry with them. I am concerned about him and want my happy little boy back. He gets very upset when he doesn’t get his way and acts more like a 2-year-old than a 6-year-old. He was never a child to throw tantrums or fits when he was younger, but is doing it now. He never seems happy with all that we do or with what he gets, and recently always wants more. I am concerned he is becoming a spoiled brat. I just want him to appreciate and be happy with what he has and to be nice to his brothers. Please help! What can I do other than discipline him?

Hi Candy kids –

If you read what I post on here, you’ll see that very often I’m kind of, sort of, I don’t know, unsure about my answers.  I’ll say something like, “Well it might be this, but it might be that… I just don’t know enough to be sure…”

Yours isn’t one of those cases.  I’m about 99% sure I’m right about this one!

You see, I have this wonderful human I live with, Handsome.  He’s my favorite thing in the world, and I’m his.  And I know very well that he could never love anything in the world nearly as much as he loves me…

…and then he sees some cute puppy.  And he runs to it and plays with it and pets it and gives it a kiss on its head, and it rolls over, and he rubs the little thing’s warm chubby tummy, and…

…and I go BALLISTIC!  Not at Handsome, I just want him to like me better.  I go angry at that sweet little innocent Puppy!  I jump right on top of that little beast, growling, snarling, showing just how big and sharp my teeth are and how much bigger I am than that little cutie is, and give one clear message:  “STAY AWAY FROM HIM!  HE’S MINE!”

You see, although I have lots of interests (pizza, squirrels, who’s been at the fire hydrant lately, pizza, this website, other dogs, other people, pizza…), the most important thing in my world is, and always will be, Handsome.  I depend on him for my home and my food, and my faith in the world is all based in my sureness of his love.  And while I’m fine with him being friendly to others, and even all huggy-kissy with his girlfriends, I can’t deal with the idea that I might have to share his love for me with another dog.

Now your son, when he was two years old, had the same view toward you that I have toward Handsome.  He knew he was the center of your whole universe.  And suddenly, something very strange happened, and you went out to the store and came back with this odd pet called a Continue reading

0 How to break up with someone who’s wonderful

Caitlyn asks: Hello, I have a boyfriend and I really like him, but I just want to be single for a while. What should I do?

Hi Caitlyn –

Aw this is such a tough situation!  Of course you’re right – if you need some time to yourself, you should take it.  But at the same time, if this boy likes you back, he’s going to feel some lousy stuff when you do.

Your job is to make there be as little lousiness as possible.

I’ve found that humans take this sort of rejection (which it is, even though you like him) best when it’s clearest and most direct.  So if you leave lots of hints, hoping he’ll bring the subject up, and give lots of “I don’t know, I’m feeling like I should be single for a while” comments… you are just going to drive him nuts.  He’ll think you’re losing interest in him and try to be nicer, he’ll start to suspect there are things you’re not telling him, maybe suspect you’re with another guy…

Way better to sit him down and say, “Look, here’s the situation.  You’re great.  There’s nothing Continue reading

0 How to deal with long-distance relationships

Mandhie asks: My boyfriend’s family relocated into another city, about an hour away. When he was leaving, he came to my house and broke out the news to me. I took it as ‘I am okay with it’ situation but I know he knows I was ‘acting’ and that I would really miss him. The night when his family left, words can’t express how much I cried, but I was able to put myself together after some weeks. Shirelle, I used to really seriously love and want this guy BUT now I feel I have given up on my love for him because I keep on having this mindset that he will meet someone else, perhaps a prettier girl than me. What confuses me is that I feel he is beginning to love me because he is always talking about how distant we are and how we won’t be able to see each other like we used to. I am very confident when we talk on the phone, which surprises him because he knows me to be a shy girl when I am around him. I still like him but why is that I am not feeling how I used to feel at first? Am I losing my love for him? Was it truly love that felt? Is my confusion because of how much I wept that night and the various mindsets I had about him getting another girl? This Friday is his birthday, so how should I talk with him then?

Hi Mandie –

As to your main question, about whether you’re losing your love for him, the fact is I have no idea – only you can know that.  But I do have a lot of thoughts about what might be going on.

First, those thoughts about him and other girls – those could come from a lot of sources.  Maybe you’re just imagining too strongly; maybe you’re thinking about cute boys and so your brain is avoiding guilt by picturing him with other girls; and maybe, just maybe, you’re picking up on some signals that he is actually looking elsewhere.  Any are possible.  Do any sound more right to you?  If so, that’s likely the correct one.

Second, about your feelings pulling back – those could be from a few reasons too.  Maybe you’re just getting a Continue reading

0 What does it mean when someone in a relationship keeps thinking about their ex?

noah asks: I had an ex-boyfriend who left to go on a mission in our church for two years. We’ve been four years together, on and off. Today, I have my present boyfriend, and we’ve been together for four fruitful months. Somehow, I think of my ex all the time (sort of concern and care). So, do I really love my present boyfriend? Or am I just using him to replace my feelings for my ex?

Hi noah –

I don’t know the inside of your heart or your mind, so I can’t answer your main question – only you can know whether you truly love your boyfriend or not. But I can put out a suggestion.

It’s really common, when people have been together for a while, for one or both of them to start getting a bit antsy, even a bit bored. And their minds will wander to others – very often to their exes. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t love their current faves, but maybe it’s a sign that something needs to be Continue reading