What to do when your boyfriend shows too much interest in your friends

Mandhie asks: The guy I’ve told you about and I are in different schools now. We are also staying distant. I am in school most times he calls me, which makes me delighted to know he is calling. When we start talking, we start with the usual greetings “Hey, how are you doing?” and so on and so forth… but as the communication proceeds, he asks about some girls in my room. When he first asked me about the number of people in my room in school and I replied ‘6,’ he asked me for their names, and I told him. This started around last month. Now, anytime he calls, he asks me for their phone numbers and when I ask why, he goes like ‘oh nothing.. Just give it to me.’ In a playful tone. Truthfully, I don’t know any of the numbers of the girls in my room. But even if I did, i wouldn’t give them to him. Also, since I get worried by him asking for the numbers, it makes me shout at him when replying. It feels bad to do so. Or at times I intentionally stay mute and make him repeat, “Hey… are you there?” When he is done talking, I give excuses and say, “Sorry but I have to go… Call you later.” It really feels bad, as I feel I am being rude. I’m getting very worried. It’s like we are being the ‘normal’ friends I am with someone else. What is happening!? Has he lost interest in me? Has he found another girl? Also, he keeps asking me when we will vacate. And when I ask, “Why? Will you come see me?” he replies, “Maybe.” This is getting me confused. If he gets the phone numbers from someone else he knows in my school, will he be calling the girls during the Christmas holidays, or does he really want to come to see me? I don’t like the kind of person he is turning into. I feel he has met some friends who are peer pressuring him. Shirelle, I love him. Please help me not lose him. I really also don’t want the situation whereby I will be so disturbed I end up acting desperate and jump into saying ‘I love you’ first!

Hi Mandhie –


I have to admit, I have no idea what he’s doing!  He might be trying to tease you and make you a little jealous, or he might be trying to connect to those girls so he can talk with them about you (perhaps to get you a present, or set up a surprise visit)… or he might be kind of weird and actually thinking of hitting on your roommates!  I have no idea!


The only way you can find out is to give it time.


But I am a fan of optimism.  I’ve seen so many relationships fall apart because one or both of the humans involved assumed the worst of the other.  So my suggestion would be to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Go ahead, give him one of your roommates’ phone number.  If he starts flirting with her, you’ll know this isn’t the relationship you want long-term.  In fact, give him the number of the one you trust most, and then know that she’ll tell you if he’s doing anything creepy.


But I’m going to hope, and believe, that he’s just being silly, and is actually as crazy about you as you are about him.


How could he not be?!  You’re Mandhie!!!


All my best,


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