Category Archives for "Questions"

0 Can we ever trust friends as much as our family?

Wooff asks: Are we all alone at the end of the day except family? Recently I have gone through a bit of depression. But I know happier days await me. I think it started when I realized no one, even your closest friend, trusts you fully. They might say they do but at the end of the day they don’t. I have experienced this in almost all of my friendships. As a child I’ve valued friendships a lot. My friends used to mean so much to me. I always try to see the best in people, despite everything. My mom always used to tell me that these friends won’t matter to me soon enough. I refused to believe so. There was even a point where my friends mattered more to me. But as I’m growing up, I’m learning family indeed comes first; but can your friends never trust you and love you as much as you do? You see Shirelle, with me, all sorts of relationships are a disaster or they turn out to be. I either ghost a person or avoid them. Believe me, I am great at doing both. I lost several relationships because of doing so. As I start spending more and more time with these people, I end up getting hurt or end up hurting someone. Which mostly results in me ghosting them. I do realize, people change. Friendships are not constant. But does that really mean that I won’t have a single lifetime friend? Are all those movies lying about finding a true friend? I still believe that every individual is beautiful in some way. But do they not want the same thing as I? A true friend? (I’m really sorry if my thoughts are all over the place, but my head is sort of dizzy.) I hope I can find someone like Handsome. You are lucky, and he is also lucky to have you. Despite everything, I do believe that there are true friendships. But is everyone selfish and self absorbed? Can a person never trust you fully? Can you never find a true friend? Are we all alone at the end of the day? Can your friends never be like your family?

Hi Wooff –

I see your question as really being two questions. One about whether anyone can be as great as family, and one about whether anyone can ever fully trust. I’ll jump to the last one first.

Betrayal stinks. No way around it. When a friend does something that takes your trust away, or when someone who should trust you doesn’t, it’s just about as bad a feeling as exists. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer it so much.

But I think there’s a different way to look at it. Because sometimes we learn that someone is trustworthy… to a limit.

My best example from this is when I was young, maybe a year old. I had tested Handsome a million times over, and knew deep in my heart that he was absolutely perfect and always there for me. And one day he excitedly told me we were going to the park – my favorite place in the world – and took me outside and opened the back door to his car, and I jumped in joyously, and he slammed the door shut… right on my Continue reading

0 When you’re attracted to your best friend’s ex.

softball1420 asks: Last year my best friend went out with a guy for just barely over a year and they were kinda serious. They have been broken up for almost a year now and instead of it being awkward we are actually really really good friends. Now lately I have found myself thinking about him all the time. I’m starting to develop a crush. He is super cute and is known for how funny he is. Also he is so sweet to pretty much everyone he comes face to face with. Does this make me the worst best friend in the world? What should I do?

Hi softball 1420 –

Oh man does this question go back centuries! What a difficult situation to be in! But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

Now first things first, you are definitely NOT the worst best friend in the world. You feel something, but you’re asking yourself (and me) what to do about it. It’s like when Handsome has a barbecue and walks away from the grill and I know I could jump up and get one of those yummy sausages that are making me drool bucketfulls… I’m still a very good dog. I’m not naughty until I jump up and knock them over and grab a couple and run!!! (In fact, many moralists would argue that my wanting them so badly and not grabbing them shows my strength of character, that I’m a good dog, far more than if I just didn’t find their aroma incredibly good!) You’re a great best friend. Just for asking.

Now I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me. If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:

1) Go out to Continue reading

0 Can you stop your friends from cursing so much?

sldholt asks: I am going to middle school this fall and I follow some people from the middle school and they curse ALOT. I never ever ever ever curse. I am now worried that I am going to be very uncomfortable at a very good school I’m very exited about. I am even uncomfortable with my friend cursing.

Hi sidholt –

I don’t speak with words, I bark. But I definitely use bad language at times. Like when I see a squirrel or a dog I don’t like outside my window. Or, worst of all, a cat! Oh do I use nasty language then!

So it would make me a pretty big hypocrite to sit here and tell you or your friends never to use bad language. But I will make one suggestion: A lot of people aren’t willing to pay the consequences when they do use them, so your rule of not saying them is pretty smart!

For example, if I bark my worst at some dog walking by, and then I should suddenly find out that he’s not on a leash, and he didn’t care for what I said, I might find myself suddenly on the losing end of a very unpleasant experience. Or if Handsome is peacefully napping, and I suddenly hear a cat two blocks away and decide that that cat needs to hear what I think of her, Handsome is likely to get very angry with me, and might just “accidentally” forget to give me dinner that night!

Where I see kids (and some adults) get in trouble with bad language is that they don’t use it correctly. Walking around all day using this word and that to show how tough you are? It doesn’t work. It makes you look dumb, as if you can’t think of anything cleverer to say. (I’m guessing this might be the case with your friends)

Calling your teacher or your mother a bad name? Okay, that’s really dumb. You’re going to get in lots of trouble, and you haven’t really accomplished anything for it.

And if you use bad language all the time, you’re going to accidentally use it at a time you really don’t want to. So my advice is to use it very sparingly, if at all. You know, like when you see a cat.

Oh one other thing. I remember once, Handsome walked into the street to talk to someone who was driving a van, and they stopped at exactly the point when a wheel was on top of his foot. And it hurt, a lot. And Handsome wanted to tell them that they needed to pull forward just a bit, to move the wheel off his foot. But he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t do anything but keep saying one very bad word, over and over! I mean, he couldn’t say anything else! For me, it was hilarious. But for him… well, I’ll bet he wished he’d been able to say other words!

But your question isn’t really about whether or not you should use them – you’ve got that worked out – but about being around them.

Well, this is a case of Continue reading

2 How to co-parent with different values

mrsstar922 asks: My husband and I just recently married, but have known each other for over 25 years. I came into the relationship with a 5-year-old daughter. He is the middle of three boys and I have one younger brother. My mother was very strict as I was growing up. I am not as harsh with my daughter as my mother was with me but I rarely have discipline issues with my now 7-year-old daughter. My husband is EXCESSIVELY critical and barks at her for things as simple as screaming when something scares her or talking during a TV program. I have learned patience with her over the years and I know her better than he does. Obviously. He has no children of his own but wants one. We have two totally different parenting styles. I cannot get him to compromise, or even to listen to me for advice on how to handle her when she misbehaves (But don’t get me wrong; he is not abusive in the least, and would never lay a hand on her). I need to know how I can get him to listen to me and maybe compromise on punishment. Or even know when punishment is necessary. I will get my tubes tied or get a divorce shortly if we can’t come to a happy medium.

Hi mrsstar922 –

This is a huge issue. I’ve dealt with it a lot in my own life. My human, Handsome, and I have as perfect a relationship as you and your daughter – when we’re alone. We understand each other, and respect each other (but not too much!), and mainly just love each other like crazy.

But when Handsome has friends over, they often are bothered by how free I am. After all, some people don’t allow dogs in their kitchens, or onto their beds, or even in their homes. And when he has girlfriends, it gets even more dicey! After all, he really wants to make them happy! So I find myself spending the night outdoors, or not getting as many treats as usual. And I still have nightmares about the work he did to make sure I never jumped on one particular frightened girlfriend again (it involved her carrying a squirt bottle, and I shudder to think of it).

And actually, this goes the other way too. When I have a pooch friend over for a playdate, sometimes I’m bothered by the way they behave (especially if they’re too nice to Handsome – or he’s too nice to them! GRRRRRR!).

You use the exact correct word – what’s needed is Continue reading

0 How do we know what’s real and what isn’t?

Wooff asks: We live in a world where everything is always constantly moving. But there are times we just sit and think about life and everything around it. I’ve recently been reading different things. And they’ve got me thinking. My question can’t really be defined in one line. The thing is, how do we know that religion is real, and that the government wasn’t just created by some people for their own benefit? Where’s the proof of anything? I am a fairly religious person and I do believe in my religion, but how can we know that religion isn’t just fake? That it wasn’t just created for reassurance? How can anything be real? What if everything we’ve come to know about it is a lie? Yes I do see God’s miracles everyday. And that should be enough. But I am allowed to ask this: Religion, God, Government. Anything. Are they real or are they man made?

Hi Wooff –

Your question is really the basis of an enormous amount of the greatest thought humans have achieved over time. From the most basic question – is anything real, and how can we know for sure – to the natures of governments and religions. Most of these questions are unanswerable. But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to take a bite at them (especially as I can get away with more in my answers than a human can, since I have less brain!).

So let me start with one bit of brilliance. A great philosopher named Rene Descartes (who you probably know from school, as he invented a lot of what’s used for modern Geometry) asked that question about reality, and came up with an amazing answer – “I think, therefore Continue reading

0 The hardest part about being a teen

sazuna45 asks: What do you think is the hardest part about being a teen? And sometimes do you have those days when you feel like doing nothing except curling into a ball and wishing your day was over. What do you suggest I do if I ever feel that way? And is it okay to feel like that?

Hi Sazuna45 –

Wow! Trying to determine the hardest part of being a teen is like asking which is the hardest part of the Iditarod, or the most difficult sport in the Olympics! They’re all hard!

I think my better answer to that would be to say what I think the nature of being a teenager is.

All transitions are difficult. If you’re sitting down right now, and you slowly stand up, the two easy, comfortable parts of that will be sitting and standing; all the work goes into the drawn-out process of getting yourself up there. Adolescence, or teenhood, is the biggest transition humans ever go through, after their birth. Babies and children grow, but teens change. Their bodies change shape, their hormones change, their skin and hair change, their feelings about their families and their friends change, their voices change… it’s just huge.

But just like that slow standing up, it’s not like these changes happen overnight. They all take a while. And the time they take is often painful, almost always embarrassing, and highly unpredictable – both for the teen and for everyone around them.

How often is one teen compared to others? Continue reading

0 How to move on from being manipulated.

Bella asks: I made a decision which I think I regret now. It’s about a job I recently quit. My boss is a funny guy and always made me laugh, but like every job we had our ups and downs. On several occasions we would fight, and I would tell him I wanted to quit, but he would never allow me, and we would always end up talking about it and sorting everything out. Sometimes he even flirted with me, although he’s married. I also got into a lot of fights with my parents regarding my always staying late to complete my work. When I first started, my boss promised a raise after three months, but he didn’t increase my pay, so after six months of me working there, my parents wanted me to ask him about the raise, but I never did. So my dad came to my work place and asked my boss about the promised raise (as my parents thought I couldn’t stand up for my self). My boss told me dad that there is this company policy, that they don’t increase pay for any employee before the completion of a year, so my dad was angry at his dishonesty. And I quit the job after that conversion. My boss didn’t want me to go, so he spoke to my dad and got me back promising an increase of salary at the end of that month. I went back and was happy, as I liked my boss a lot. Then a few weeks later, I had to travel on short notice to see my doctor. When I told my boss he wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed to let me go, as it was about my health. Then, when I came back to work after four days, he wasn’t happy with me. We had a long talk where he said that I have too many problems and that we forced the salary increase on him (to that I told him I didn’t want the increase anymore). He also said that he was looking for someone to help me, so if I travel there will be someone in my place. To this I told him to get someone and that I would train her and I would leave. The next Monday, there was a new woman there. What really hurt me was the fact that he couldn’t have found someone over the weekend, meaning that while I was away he interviewed her and didn’t even have the honesty to let me know. Anyway, I gave him a notice period of two weeks; he said it wouldn’t be enough for the new girl to learn, so he said he wanted two months (without even asking why I was leaving). I told him no, that I’d stay for only a month. I didn’t believe him when he said she wasn’t here to replace me, as all the evidence showed that that’s what he wanted (even when customers came in, they would automatically ask why I was leaving – as my job didn’t require an assistant). When the supervisor told him he shouldn’t lose me, he decided to ask me to stay. I told him there was no space for me there. Then I saw on the system that he hasn’t increased my salary, but instead deducted a small amount of money, which pushed me to the wall and made me decide to leave the whole job. I refused my next paycheck. He said that he had wanted to talk to me into staying, but that now I was disrespecting him and he couldn’t handle that. He told me on that day if I don’t take my salary, then there is no need for me to come back, and that “my pride won’t let me beg you like the first time!” He then also wrote on a paper that he wants to see me everyday and that he wants me there! HOW can I stay when he got someone else (even though he said she wasn’t replacing me)? HOW can I stay when he said we forced the pay increase on him (and how can I take the pay increase in that case)? HOW can I stay when he said I have a lot of problems? HOW can I stay when he said if I don’t take my salary there is no need for me to be in that company? Si I gave him the sim card, said bye, and went. He hasn’t spoken to me since. The supervisor called to say my boss wants me back, and when I told him I wasn’t going back, the supervisor told me that my boss told him he shouldn’t have pushed to get me back, which also hurts. I asked the boss for a letter of recommendation, and he hasn’t responded. Now I may be in love with this guy, but I hope I’m wrong, because I am in a lot of pain right now. What is killing me is that he hasn’t spoken to me since. Do you think I took the right decision in quitting, after all I’ve told you? Do you think he will miss me?

Hi Bella –

My friend, everybody goes through something like this in their life.  An experience that is so bizarre that later, they can’t believe that it was real.  And what’s most bizarre in it isn’t what someone else did; it’s what they did themselves.

It’s hard for me to believe that I, as a puppy, chewed up so much of Handsome’s property.  I know it’s true, I remember doing it, but still – what was I thinking?  It’s hard to believe that was me!

Similarly, a day will come, maybe not for a year or two, maybe not for ten, when you look back at this adventure with this boss and can’t imagine what led you to feel the things you’re feeling, or accept the things you accepted.

Here’s my quick, simple, answer to your questions: This guy is a Continue reading

0 When you know your beloved will leave

prettyndsweet12 asks: I recently fell in love with the most amazing guy. He’s funny, very responsible, and smart, and he makes me feel special when I’m around him. When we met I knew he was a Senior and I was a Sophomore but it didn’t bother me. Now that the school year is over and he’s leaving, I’m devastated. I definitely want to keep in touch with him and still see him (I don’t think he’s going away for college) and maybe in the future we could get married and have a great life. I know that may not happen but I don’t see me falling in love or feeling the same way about anybody else. What should I do?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

How great is this!!!  I’m so happy for you!  What a joy to read such good news!

Now I know you have a question, but let me just jump around on my hind legs for a while first.   You a) fell in love, with b) an amazing guy, who’s c) funny and d) responsible, and e) smart, and f) makes you feel special, and g) you love him so much you’re envisioning spending the rest of your life with him.  Wow!  That’s, umm… abcdefg… SEVEN great things here all at once!

But then you have a problem.  A problem not because of anything bad about this guy, but all because he’s absolutely wonderful.  The problem of what happens next, and what he and you should do.

Well it seems pretty clear that you’re not sure what he’s going to do.  And that makes everything more difficult.  So the first thing I recommend is that you Continue reading

0 How to handle false rumors about you.

Nellsane asks: Recently there has been a rumor formulating about me being abused by my uncle, which is false. And also that he got imprisoned – also false. Now I’m going to be honest with you and tell you I’ve been abused as a child, but not by my uncle; it was a neighbor. But my question is – why do this to me out of all people? This is a pretty dumb rumor if you ask me, and people would be stupid to believe it. I still do not have any idea as to who spread it. And if I do, how should I react? I think this rumor has only been spread among some boys. How do you think I should react to this rumor without just drawing more attention to myself?

Hi Nelsane –

I’m a dog, and love pretty much everything.  I even love the cats and squirrels I complain about all the time, really.

But two things I detest are false accusations and vicious rumors!  I wish I had a perfect solution for you, and I even more strongly wish I knew who was doing this, so I could go implant my fangs into their stinky old butts!  But I don’t, and I can’t.  So all I can do is to offer some “maybe pretty good” suggestions.  I’m so sorry – I wish so badly I could do more!

My first suggestion is my simplest.  The rumor is stupid and untrue, so Continue reading

0 Why our interests come and go over time.

Wooff asks: As a kid, I have always had this interest for reading books. You’d give me a book and I’d finish it within a week. As I grew up from 4th grade to 7th, my book addiction became less. And then I got depressed in 8th grade and got interested in books again. And now I’m happy – and it takes a lot of force to make myself read a book. Why is it so? Is it because I have too much studies or it because I’m just plain lazy? I would like to start reading with interest again. Although when I read a book I become interested in it again. But I want to have the excitement back. I want to be able to be excited even before reading the book, instead of just forcefully making myself read it.

Hi Wooff –

This makes me think about food (But hey, everything makes me think about food).  When I was a puppy, I loved nothing more than cheese pizza.  Then I got a little older, and, while I wouldn’t say no to cheese pizza, I would spend my nights dreaming about lamb chops.  Then I got a little older than that, and started going nuts about cheese pizza again.  Why?  I have no idea.

But with you, I think it’s a bit clearer.  What’s going on is that you’re growing up!  And as your brain develops, you’re having different interests at different times.  When you were about eight years old, you were obsessed with books.  But then your body started changing, you got all sorts of hormones going wild in you, and you became more interested in other things.  Particularly other kids your age (this is completely normal).

But then (also normal), your development hit a wall.  Life started making less sense, and you didn’t feel completely right about yourself or the world around you.  And books became a great place – both to hide out, and to let your new, maturing brain connect with newer, more mature thoughts.

Now (normal yet again), you’ve gotten through that depressed time, and books don’t seem all that interesting.  Maybe you’re craving Continue reading