softball1420 asks: Last year my best friend went out with a guy for just barely over a year and they were kinda serious. They have been broken up for almost a year now and instead of it being awkward we are actually really really good friends. Now lately I have found myself thinking about him all the time. I’m starting to develop a crush. He is super cute and is known for how funny he is. Also he is so sweet to pretty much everyone he comes face to face with. Does this make me the worst best friend in the world? What should I do?
Hi softball 1420 –
Oh man does this question go back centuries! What a difficult situation to be in! But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?
Now first things first, you are definitely NOT the worst best friend in the world. You feel something, but you’re asking yourself (and me) what to do about it. It’s like when Handsome has a barbecue and walks away from the grill and I know I could jump up and get one of those yummy sausages that are making me drool bucketfulls… I’m still a very good dog. I’m not naughty until I jump up and knock them over and grab a couple and run!!! (In fact, many moralists would argue that my wanting them so badly and not grabbing them shows my strength of character, that I’m a good dog, far more than if I just didn’t find their aroma incredibly good!) You’re a great best friend. Just for asking.
Now I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me. If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:
1) Go out to
dinner (or some other way you two can be alone) with that best friend of yours, and talk about it. Is your friend still interested in the guy, like not over him? Are they on friendly terms? Are they maybe now interested in someone else? There might be a really simple solution here, and all it would take is for the two of you to be open with each other to find out about it.
2) Be a great best friend, and just choose to “be friends” with the guy, without even asking. If they ever get back together, you’ll know you made the right choice. And then if they break up eventually, that might make it clear – either that you would have been a better match for the guy, or that the guy is pure trouble and you’re better off without him!
3) Go for it! Even if your friend is still interested in the guy. If the friendship is good enough, it can handle some competition. Handsome once won a “battle” like that when, after a long night between his great friend and a beautiful woman they were both interested in, she mentioned what her favorite song was, and he picked up a guitar and played it for her. His friend nobly, and smilingly, got up and said goodnight to both of them, and left! Today he and that friend are still great pals (though neither of them knows what happened to the lovely lady over the years!).
4) Give up, and have your friend give up on ever getting him back too. Save your friendship, and don’t risk it over some romantic interest that might not last.
5) And, toughest of all (maybe impossible), let the guy decide. Put it up to him. “Hey, I’d love to go out with you, but I’m not sure if you’d be cool with that, given that I’m best friends with your ex. What do you think?” Maybe the idea would creep him out too much, and all your worries are meaningless. (Or else maybe he’ll say “You know, one of the reasons I’m single was that it was too hard to date your friend when I really wanted to be with you!”
Those are all the suggestions I can come up with, and any of them could work. I will say, though, that number one is my favorite. Life’s a lot easier when friends are honest with each other.
Either way, though, please let me know what you do, I’d love to hear!!