How to move on from being manipulated.

Bella asks: I made a decision which I think I regret now. It’s about a job I recently quit. My boss is a funny guy and always made me laugh, but like every job we had our ups and downs. On several occasions we would fight, and I would tell him I wanted to quit, but he would never allow me, and we would always end up talking about it and sorting everything out. Sometimes he even flirted with me, although he’s married. I also got into a lot of fights with my parents regarding my always staying late to complete my work. When I first started, my boss promised a raise after three months, but he didn’t increase my pay, so after six months of me working there, my parents wanted me to ask him about the raise, but I never did. So my dad came to my work place and asked my boss about the promised raise (as my parents thought I couldn’t stand up for my self). My boss told me dad that there is this company policy, that they don’t increase pay for any employee before the completion of a year, so my dad was angry at his dishonesty. And I quit the job after that conversion. My boss didn’t want me to go, so he spoke to my dad and got me back promising an increase of salary at the end of that month. I went back and was happy, as I liked my boss a lot. Then a few weeks later, I had to travel on short notice to see my doctor. When I told my boss he wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed to let me go, as it was about my health. Then, when I came back to work after four days, he wasn’t happy with me. We had a long talk where he said that I have too many problems and that we forced the salary increase on him (to that I told him I didn’t want the increase anymore). He also said that he was looking for someone to help me, so if I travel there will be someone in my place. To this I told him to get someone and that I would train her and I would leave. The next Monday, there was a new woman there. What really hurt me was the fact that he couldn’t have found someone over the weekend, meaning that while I was away he interviewed her and didn’t even have the honesty to let me know. Anyway, I gave him a notice period of two weeks; he said it wouldn’t be enough for the new girl to learn, so he said he wanted two months (without even asking why I was leaving). I told him no, that I’d stay for only a month. I didn’t believe him when he said she wasn’t here to replace me, as all the evidence showed that that’s what he wanted (even when customers came in, they would automatically ask why I was leaving – as my job didn’t require an assistant). When the supervisor told him he shouldn’t lose me, he decided to ask me to stay. I told him there was no space for me there. Then I saw on the system that he hasn’t increased my salary, but instead deducted a small amount of money, which pushed me to the wall and made me decide to leave the whole job. I refused my next paycheck. He said that he had wanted to talk to me into staying, but that now I was disrespecting him and he couldn’t handle that. He told me on that day if I don’t take my salary, then there is no need for me to come back, and that “my pride won’t let me beg you like the first time!” He then also wrote on a paper that he wants to see me everyday and that he wants me there! HOW can I stay when he got someone else (even though he said she wasn’t replacing me)? HOW can I stay when he said we forced the pay increase on him (and how can I take the pay increase in that case)? HOW can I stay when he said I have a lot of problems? HOW can I stay when he said if I don’t take my salary there is no need for me to be in that company? Si I gave him the sim card, said bye, and went. He hasn’t spoken to me since. The supervisor called to say my boss wants me back, and when I told him I wasn’t going back, the supervisor told me that my boss told him he shouldn’t have pushed to get me back, which also hurts. I asked the boss for a letter of recommendation, and he hasn’t responded. Now I may be in love with this guy, but I hope I’m wrong, because I am in a lot of pain right now. What is killing me is that he hasn’t spoken to me since. Do you think I took the right decision in quitting, after all I’ve told you? Do you think he will miss me?

Hi Bella –


My friend, everybody goes through something like this in their life.  An experience that is so bizarre that later, they can’t believe that it was real.  And what’s most bizarre in it isn’t what someone else did; it’s what they did themselves.


It’s hard for me to believe that I, as a puppy, chewed up so much of Handsome’s property.  I know it’s true, I remember doing it, but still – what was I thinking?  It’s hard to believe that was me!


Similarly, a day will come, maybe not for a year or two, maybe not for ten, when you look back at this adventure with this boss and can’t imagine what led you to feel the things you’re feeling, or accept the things you accepted.


Here’s my quick, simple, answer to your questions: This guy is a JERK!  He’s a liar, he’s a manipulator, possibly a cheater… he’s someone you want nothing to do with, in a work-relationship or certainly in a romance.  I don’t care if he’s cuter than Channing Tatum, there’s no reason in the world I’d ever want you to be with a clod like him.


Look at what he did:  he lied to you about money, he lied to your dad, he blamed you for a medical problem you had, he went behind your back to hire someone he didn’t need (I’d be very interested in how his supervisor felt about company money being wasted on her while you were still there, and him trying to get you to stay), he’s been cruel to you since then, and he might be holding back on giving you the letter of recommendation you deserve.


Should you have stayed in the job?  NO WAY!!!  You deserve better than this, and you can be pretty sure you’ll be treated better at any other job you ever get!


Does he miss you?  Probably, but I DON’T CARE!  I hope he cries himself to sleep every night – he deserves to feel that and worse for all he did to you.


Will you get over him?  Oh yes.  Absolutely.  And when you do, you’ll have the most incredible feeling of relief!


Back when I was a puppy, Handsome fell in love with a very beautiful woman, who wasn’t as bad as this guy but still treated him kind of crummy.  She’d be all needy one day, and then rejecting the next; she was juggling four guys at the same time; it was painful.  And he was completely smitten with her.  And when, as was bound to happen eventually, she broke up with him, a great friend of his said the words my doggy mouth wasn’t able to: “I’m so glad she broke things off.  I know you’re devastated, but I just couldn’t take watching you be hurt by her anymore.”


So Bella, that’s what I say to you.  I know you’re confused, and scared, and very hurt.  But there will be a day, and I hope it’s soon, when you will realize that every second of your life without this clown is better than the best moment you ever shared with him.  That he is bad news, all the way.


You will get a job where you’re treated with respect, with honesty, with appreciation.  And you will meet another man who shows you love and honor.  And you might look back on this doofus and say “Well he was very good-looking and funny” or something, but I can guarantee, you will NEVER want to work for, or be flirted with by, anyone like that ever again.


Get Ready – Life is Improving NOW!


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