When you know your beloved will leave

prettyndsweet12 asks: I recently fell in love with the most amazing guy. He’s funny, very responsible, and smart, and he makes me feel special when I’m around him. When we met I knew he was a Senior and I was a Sophomore but it didn’t bother me. Now that the school year is over and he’s leaving, I’m devastated. I definitely want to keep in touch with him and still see him (I don’t think he’s going away for college) and maybe in the future we could get married and have a great life. I know that may not happen but I don’t see me falling in love or feeling the same way about anybody else. What should I do?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –



How great is this!!!  I’m so happy for you!  What a joy to read such good news!


Now I know you have a question, but let me just jump around on my hind legs for a while first.   You a) fell in love, with b) an amazing guy, who’s c) funny and d) responsible, and e) smart, and f) makes you feel special, and g) you love him so much you’re envisioning spending the rest of your life with him.  Wow!  That’s, umm… abcdefg… SEVEN great things here all at once!


But then you have a problem.  A problem not because of anything bad about this guy, but all because he’s absolutely wonderful.  The problem of what happens next, and what he and you should do.


Well it seems pretty clear that you’re not sure what he’s going to do.  And that makes everything more difficult.  So the first thing I recommend is that you have a biiiiig talk with him about it.


Now be careful – you don’t want to sound like nagging parents, “What are your plans for the future?  What do you expect to be doing in twenty years?  Grow up and make a decision!”  No, what you want to do is to simply ask if he has any thoughts on what he wants to do next, and if he wants to stay together.  Make it easy for him to be honest! (Believe me, you’ll be better off if he is, rather than just saying what he thinks you want to hear.)


And then… and here’s the toughest part of this to say to you… be prepared for whatever he says to change over time.  If he says he wants to move on with his life and part as friends, it’s very possible he’ll call you in six months, wanting to get back together.  If he says he wants to stay together, it’s very possible he’ll want to move on later.


In fact, the only thing I feel is sure is that things will alter over time.  Does that mean you two won’t end up together?  Nope, it’s very very possible, happens every day.  But somewhere between his high school graduation and the two of you beaming lovingly at your grandchildren, one or both of you will almost certainly turn away from the other.  Maybe by going to college somewhere else.  Maybe by dating someone else.  Maybe by completely changing their life.


So what I want you to do is to remember, no matter what, how great things are now.  And if you two stay together, let this memory keep your love strong during the tough times.  And if you don’t, let this memory stay with you so that you’ll always know how good romance can be, and what could happen to you again with someone else.


Just appreciate.


It’s like when I curl up on the bed and lay my back against Handsome every night.  I know that tomorrow he might be gone for a long time, which just devastates me.  Or that he might be all clingy and want to work on training tricks and not let me go play by myself.  Or anything else might go wrong.  But in the meantime, I just appreciate how great it is to lie that way, warm and loving and loved, everything just perfect.


Because that’s where you are right now.


Congratulations, and good luck!


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