Category Archives for "Parenting"

1 How to divorce with children

Lakshmi asks: I am a mother of an 8-year-old. Of late my husband and I are not like we used to be. We have been frequently fighting, and today he said that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I am confused about the kid. I am from India, where divorce is still not very well accepted. I need advice please.

Hi Lakshmi –

I’m so very sorry that you’re going through such a painful experience.  I can’t imagine many things much more difficult.

I have to admit, I’m confused on one point.  You say that you are “from India,” but are you still living there now, or have you moved to another country?  Regardless, I don’t know where you are, so I can’t comment on the specific divorce laws of that area (not that I’m any expert on any laws other than the local leash laws, which are pretty scary to me!).

But I can comment on two aspects of what you say.  Firstly, although I think it’s terrible, people often say very harsh things to their spouses, way more intense than they really mean.  When your husband said he didn’t want you in his life anymore, it’s possible that he was just speaking his Continue reading

0 How to fill in for a missing parent

junemarie6 asks: My grandson said last night he could not do his schoolwork at the table because it was too noisy. I said, “OK, then go to another room.” He said no! However, I made him go. He is always sassing and making smart remarks. (I guess I need to give you a little more information on the case: My son has asked mom to move out so I have taken over, which does not make them (boys) all that happy) What can I do to get my grandsons to complete their tasks and do what I ask?

Hi junemarie6 –

I feel funny offering you advice on child-rearing, because… I mean… you’ve already done it!  But you are in a specific and difficult situation, given what’s happened with your son’s marriage.  The best advice I can give you on this is to be patient!!!  Your grandsons are in a terrible situation, where they probably feel that being good and obedient to you is an act of disloyalty to their mother.  It’s as though you went from being the fun loving grandmother to the feared stepmother overnight!

Given that, it’s very understandable that they won’t know how to treat you for a Continue reading

0 How to celebrate a four-year-old’s birthday

Chel asks: How do I give birthday wishes to my 4 year old boy?

Hi Chel –

What you should do to celebrate your boy’s fourth birthday?  Well my easy advice is to ask him!  Does he want a party with friends?  Does he want to go see a movie?  Does he want any new toys?  Does he perhaps (if he’s really super-smart) want a puppy?!  Does he want ice cream or cake or a trip to the zoo or a ride in your friend’s Continue reading

0 Should a child drink tea?

Tania asks: My girl is 6 years old. She likes to drink tea very much, and she drinks it 2 or 3 times a day. Is tea harmful for her?

Hi Tania –

Regular (black, or orange pekoe) tea has many healthful qualities, and Green Tea has even more.  So as a general rule, tea is one of the healthier things that humans drink.  The two issues, of course, are sugar and caffeine.

Many people consider tea without sugar to be, well, just not tea!  Once you put sugar into it, we have to reclassify it as a Sweetened Drink, in the same class as juices, punches, mixes like Kool-Aid, and soft drinks like colas.  The simple fact is that kids love sugar, and it’s not good to give them much of it.  So if your daughter is putting lots of sugar in her Continue reading

0 Why can’t teenagers leave home yet?

CASHMONEY asks: Why must teenagers not leave their home and start life?

Hi CASHMONEY –

Scientists and politicians and religious leaders have been arguing forever, it seems, about when life begins.  Is it at birth, at conception, three months into gestation…  Only teenagers believe that life begins the day they can get out of their parents’ home!

And that’s a really important part of being a teenager.  Little children might fantasize about running away, but that’s generally because they are miserable about how they’re being treated.  And lots of adults cling on to their parents’ homes to a degree that sometimes looks bad to others, who say “Why don’t they grow up and move away?!”  But most teenagers have this enormous yearning for the freedom of getting out of the house, of making their own lives, finding their own way… or, as you said, starting Continue reading

0 Can teenagers use Facebook?

Tango asks: can teenagers use facebook?

Hi Tango –

Facebook, of course, is used more by teenagers than anyone else.  But I’m assuming you’re asking about the official rules.

Facebook’s general rule is that you have to be 13 years old, though there are certain places in the world where you have to be Continue reading

0 How can teens and parents have a healthy relationship

Jtchelliah asks: how do teens and parents have a healthy relationship?

Hi Jtchelliah –

The answer to your question could fill an encyclopedia!  I would guess that around a quarter of the questions on the AskShirelle website are about this general subject.

I couldn’t begin to give you a decent answer to it, because of this, but I can direct you to a lot of pieces about it.  First, look to the right of this page, where you’ll see a list of Categories.  One of them is Continue reading

0 What makes a motivated student lazy?

Achu asks: I am too lazy in studies. Though my exams are approaching, I’m always sleeping – but I dream of getting rid of my easygoing nature and finding success in life. What should I do?

Hi Achu –

There’s a big word for the situation you’re in, and that’s “Incongruent.”  If you’ve studied geometry, you might know that word – Congruent triangles have all the same angles as each other, for example.  But in psychology (Handsome knows and tells me all this stuff – all I’m an expert in is squirrel hunting and making people happy!), Congruence means that each part of your mind works well with the other parts.  Someone who really wants to be a perfectly behaved child but is scratching bad words into the furniture is not Congruent!  Someone who hates everyone and behaves rudely might be a rotten person, but he is Congruent!

So you, who have great trouble motivating yourself to study, but dream of being a hardworking success, are… not a bad person at all, but Incongruent.  Our job here is to get the two sides to work together.

I often find that, especially when it comes to schoolwork, this problem can come because the person aims too Continue reading

0 What’s a good gift to give parents?

Serena asks: I’m kinda crazy thinking of what’s the best farewell gift for my parents. I’m 12 years old please suggest to me the cutest gift I could give.

Hi Serena –

Well the cutest gift is always a puppy!  But I don’t know if that’s what your parents would want right now.

What I’m not sure of is who’s leaving whom!  Is the farewell gift because you’re going somewhere on a vacation, or because they are, or is it that you or they are actually moving away from the other Continue reading

0 How to handle rejection

Amethyst asks: How does one handle rejection, especially as a teenager? And please could you give me stories of other teenagers that have overcome both rejection and depression?

Hi Amethyst –

The honest truth is it never feels good to be rejected.  I’m a really friendly pup, and I want to be friends with just about everyone I meet.  And I get rejected so often.  Maybe because someone’s scared of dogs, maybe they just don’t like us, and maybe they love dogs but are wearing black and don’t want me to shed all over them (I can’t help it – I don’t do it on purpose!).   Whatever it is, it hurts every time.  And when it’s someone I really care about, oh that’s like a knife in the heart!  The times when I’ve run up to Handsome and he’s been angry to see me (probably because I’d climbed over the fence and run across the street) I will never fully recover from.

On top of that, when you’re a teenager, you care more about acceptance from your peers than at any other time in your life.  So the boy who doesn’t call again, or the girl who is offended by your goodnight Continue reading