Category Archives for "Parenting"

2 What to do when a teen falls in love with their step-parent

a soft breeze asks: A stepfather is good to his wife’s children, so much so that one of the wife’s daughters (teen,15) fell in love with him and wants to marry him. She is jealous of her mother. He is very upset. He tried to show to her that his relationship is that of a father. But she cannot control her feelings. He threatened her that he will not see her anymore, that she could stay in her father’s house and not come back to his house, or he will come to his house only when she’s not there. She sent him a letter saying that if he quits from her life she will commit suicide. He’s confused. What should he do?

Hi a soft breeze –

This is an absolutely horrible situation!  It sounds miserable for him, for her, and I’m sure it’s just terrible for her mother and father.  While it’s great for stepchildren to love their stepparents, this is a strange and terribly twisted version of that.

I like and respect that he is working so hard to set boundaries with her.  He’s absolutely right to do that.  But there is one further thing that’s necessary – and I mean necessary, not “it’d be a nice idea.”  He, his wife, and her daughter, must Continue reading

0 How to get your parent to agree to transferring to a different school

kym asks: How can I approach my mom to transfer me into another school?

Hi kym –

You might have seen already that I’m a huge fan of formal conversations.  In other words, I’ve seen tons of disasters when a kid or teen tries to casually, spontaneously, bring up big issues.  Like when their mom is uptight in a traffic jam, trying to get them to school on time, even though they got out of the house fifteen minutes late because the youngster didn’t get up when they were supposed to, and the kid says, “I think it’s unfair that I’m supposed to be home by ten o’clock, because I want to go to a party with some new friends this weekend and it’s all the way on the other side of town and no one’s going to want to leave before eleven because the college kids don’t come by with the beer before ten!”  Mom is not going to do well with that!

On the other hand, if you walk up to your mom and say Continue reading

0 How to confront cyber-bullying

fro-yo asks: There is this face chat thing on my iPod, and I logged on today, and got a friend request from someone with my account name. She told all my friends it was me, and started writing statuses saying stuff about me that isn’t true! I don’t know who she is, but I’m so embarrassed, and I’m afraid to go to school. All my friends will be there and they might have seen it!

Hi fro-yo –

My friend, you are the victim of what’s known as cyber-bullying.  This is a modern, high-technology, version of something that’s been done for millennia.  This person is lying, spreading false rumors about you, and working very hard to make you miserable.  Not only that, but the fact that they tried to ‘friend’ you means they definitely want you to know they’re doing it.

This stinks.  It’s cruel, it’s malicious, and most of all, it’s cowardly.

You see, this is where I have to say, we dogs are way better than people.  See, if I want to pick on a dog, I walk right up into her and Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent living far away

Olivia asks: My parents are still married, but my dad’s moved to Toronto. How should I deal with that?

Hi Olivia –

The tough part about your question is that it’s probably your parents who really need to answer it.

I’ve known some couples who are really happier living apart.  They meet up on vacations, and are as happy to see each other then as Handsome and I are every day (Why, oh why can’t more human couples feel that same way?!  I’ll never understand!!).  Or maybe they even meet every weekend.  But they know that if they lived together full-time, it wouldn’t be as good for their marriage.  They really need their space.

Then on the other hand, there are of course lots of couples who are kept separate because of things they have no control over.  One’s job makes them move to another city while the other one’s job keeps them there.  Or one is in the military and is sent away, or it could even be that one’s in jail.  Any of these are absolutely difficult, and it’s really tough for them the whole time.

But regardless of what the reasons are, or how your parents feel about it, you’re asking about Continue reading

0 How to care for fever in small children

Tikiri asks: How should we take care of a small child who is suffering from fever?

Hi Tikiri –

In general, my view on fevers is that they’re not a terribly bad thing.  I figure the body is just trying to fight hard against something (germs, virus, etc.), and so builds up heat in the battle.  The most important thing to do is to keep feeding it fluids, so it can battle as well as possible.  Imagine you have an army fighting against an enemy; you would want them to have enough food and water, so they can be strong when things get heated, right?  So until the fever gets really crazy-hot, I’m in favor of letting it do its work, with lots of fluids to help all the processes along.

But I’m talking about grown-up humans there.  Small children are more Continue reading

0 How to fend off bullies who insult your better qualities

ebrooke asks: I am in high school. A big group of bullies say mean things behind my back. I don’t know why but I think it’s because a) I look anorexic (I’m not); b) I sound American and people say mean things about that; c) I am friends with all the boys except the mean ones; and d) I have good grades (I don’t think that’s bad though). One day they called me and my friends nerds and a called them a mean thing back and then they kept on saying mean things and so did I. I feel guilty and if I say anything, they won’t stop and they can tell on me too. What can I do?

Hi ebrooke –

Okay, first of all, I have a couple of pieces on Bullying, on this site.  Just go to the Search Box on your right, and type in Bullying or Bullies – you should find them.

But then I want to point something out to you about bullies.  The best of them, the really talented ones, are brilliant at making people feel bad about themselves, even for their best qualities.  Said with enough scorn, “You’re a beautiful genius” can be an insult!  You have here listed four things that these jerks insult you for – and not one of them is a Continue reading

0 How to overcome feeling isolated

dramatherapy asks: How can I overcome feeling isolated?

Hi dramatherapy –

Hey I love your name!  My friend Handsome studied Dramatherapy, and is a huge fan of it.  For those who don’t know, that’s a form of psychotherapy where, instead of just talking about things, the therapist and clients do lots of activities.  Maybe they’ll write poems, or play with puppets or musical instruments, or draw pictures, or even act out roles – all in special ways that help the clients grow through stuff.  If I were a therapist, I’d definitely be a Dramatherapist – if only because I can’t stand sitting still for long!!!

So, given that you chose that Pack name, I’m kind of surprised at your question.  Because, you see, I think your name IS the answer to it!

It’s terrible to actually be isolated.  When I’ve had to stay at the veterinarians’ office overnight, and I’m locked in a little cage all alone, I’m just miserable.  I know Handsome’s coming back to get me… but I don’t totally know it!  You know?  I mean… he does love me, right?  And he isn’t really mad at me about that thing he yelled about yesterday, is he?  The thing I couldn’t figure out?  And he’s going to be okay?  I mean, he’s not hurt or something and so can never get back to get me, is he??!

Now that’s real isolation.  But I’m assuming that you’re not locked in a Continue reading

0 How to get parents to stop complaining about your room

Resistance asks: How can we make our parent stop grumbling at us about our habitat?

Hi Resistance –

If I understand correctly, you’re asking how to get your parents off your case about your home, and especially your room.  Probably a mix between your decorating choices and your cleanliness habits.

Well, Resistance, you’re going to hate my first answer.  The way to get your parents to stop grumbling is probably to clean up after yourself.  All the time.  Yes, I mean taking your dishes to the kitchen when you’re done with them, and washing them (or at least putting them in the dishwasher).  And picking up your clothes and everything else before you leave every day.  And making your bed.  Yes, I mean all that boring irritating junk they incessantly complain about.  That’s the way to get them off your case.

At least, about the cleaning part.  But if they’re really griping a lot about the stuff you put on your Continue reading

0 Why is it so hard to get teenagers to concentrate on schoolwork

perman asks: I am a maths teacher. Many students say that they can not concentrate on studies at this age. What’s the reason? Can you offer me any help to convince them.

Hi perman –

I have a number of posts on here for teens, about how to concentrate better, and study better.  It’s always been very difficult, but you’re right, today it’s even more than usual.

Why has it always been difficult?  Well, mainly because this is a time in life when people’s bodies are changing very quickly, their hormones are going just wild, they’re becoming much more interested in their peers than in anything else, and many of those peers are also changing, in ways that can become very very attractive!

But also, the teenage years are a time when humans begin to question Continue reading

0 why are teens drinking so much today

max asks: What’s the reason for the increase of young teenagers that drink today?

Hi max –

I have to be honest with you, max.  I’ve been looking around the internet, and I’m not seeing clear statistics about an increase.  In fact, in the US, it appears teenage drinking has gone down in the last decade.

But don’t get the idea that I’m saying it’s not a problem.  That reduction might well be because teens are doing more of other substances!

What I think you’re seeing, max, is due to two factors.  One is that as people get older, people younger than them look younger!  So if you were, say twelve, and you saw a fourteen-year-old drinking beer at a party, you were seeing an “older teen.”  But if you’re thirty and you see that same fourteen-year-old, you’re seeing a Continue reading