Category Archives for "Parenting"

Should parents treat teenagers like adults or children?

Cheeky asks: I’m 19 and I have a boyfriend whom currently I’ve been having problems with when it comes to my mom. Mom is always on our nerves and doesn’t want us together so she is kinda trying to destroy our relationship. She doesn’t want to accept that I’m a grown-up now and that I have a say when it comes to anything that I do. She treats me as if I’m a 10-year-old and I don’t like that at all. I just want to live a normal life whereby they consider my opinion and choices too. What should I do to make Mom accept the fact that I really do love him and that I’m now grown up, because it’s really stressing me up?

Hi Cheeky –

Okay, I’m going to take BOTH sides of this one.  Sorry, but that’s what we dogs are like – we like everyone!

 

First of all, of course you’re right.  You have a relationship that’s just right for you right now, and your mom is trying to get in the way of it, treating you like a child.  She’s missing the fact that you need to grow in order to learn from experience.  I’ll guess she’s hoping you get married someday.  Well, wouldn’t she prefer you know some things about boys and yourself before you make that giant commitment?  Wouldn’t she want you to be more sophisticated than you were at age ten?

So yes, she should give you the space to have this relationship.

 

But Second… while you feel you’re fully grown, you’re still young.  Your brain will be developing for another five years or so.  You are at a glorious stage of life, full of passions and excitement, which can lead you into some not-so-great places.  And you will change over the next ten years.  Possibly a lot.

 

So where does that leave us?  I’d say that your mom is doing what she thinks is best, and her intentions are great, but she just Continue reading

What to do when your husband’s family makes him choose between them and you

Join my pack asks: I’ve been in a marriage for the past five years, but most of the time our life is in problems based on our family surroundings. I want some respect from my partner’s family, but that is not given to me properly and he won’t give them up. I think he didn’t give priority to me, and this affects me and our relationship badly. What should I do?

Hi Join my pack –

 

I find this situation so sad.  Why would a family not treat their young man’s wife with respect?  Don’t they realize that you are part of their family now?  One of them?

 

But in the end, I have to really take a hard look at your husband.  Because he’s the one who chose you, and he’s the one who made the full commitment to you.  So it’s his job to get them to treat you better.

 

I can relate to your situation.  I was a pretty awful puppy (very destructive, always biting everyone and everything), and my human friend Handsome’s family developed some negative feelings about me.  But he has always defended me to them, insisting that I’m “The Best Thing Ever,” and that they had to treat me well (and I did get better!).

 

But a bigger deal has been Handsome’s girlfriends.  Some of them really haven’t cared much for me at all (I think they’re jealous, which is goofy!), and he’s been put in some really awful situations.

 

In one case, one of them literally asked him to decide between us – did he choose her or me?  He loved her lots, had hopes of marrying her.  But he realized something very dark and serious.

 

He realized that only one of us would ever (or could  ever) ask him to make such a choice.  So he chose Continue reading

2 Twenty Questions – how to avoid dating problems

Twenty Questions – how to avoid dating problems

Over the last few years, I’ve gotten thousands of letters from you wonderful people.  And while the topics have covered everything from pets to parenting and music to morals, the vast majority have been about romance.  Dating, Crushes, Marriage, even Divorce.

And so often, I find you guys in relationships you probably shouldn’t be in.  The sorts you could have avoided by asking the right questions (or at least have gotten out sooner if you had).  Which then keep you from the wonderful love stories you deserve.

 

So I’ve put together a list.  Twenty Questions to ask yourself before you date.  Some of these are probably easy, some are likely very hard, and definitely many of your answers will change as you grow older.

And while I can’t guarantee that doing this questionnaire will bring you the fairy tale romance of your dreams, it should help you avoid most of the problems I’ve seen in your letters.

So take a shot at it, and see what you think!

 

The first two are simple and shallow – before you consider dating anyone:

 

  1. WHAT ARE YOUR TYPES? No one is attracted to everyone – or even to everyone considered “attractive.”  Some people have extremely specific attractions (only tall blonde altos, or only muscle-bound nerds), but even when you’re very young, you’ll know there are certain qualities that attract you.  Height, skin color, hair or eye color, thin or curvy, hairy or not; I know a woman who refused to date any man whose feet were smaller than hers.  And you might even find looks aren’t as important to you as scent, or the sound of someone’s voice.  Whatever your criteria are, it’s great to be aware of what matters to you – and what doesn’t.

 

  1. HOW MUCH TOGETHERNESS DO YOU WANT/NEED? Oh I see this one all the time.  One partner texts ten times an hour, the other wants to check in once a day.  Both are fine, but maybe not good for each other.  Or one person wants to be touching all the time, while the other needs more space and just wants occasional physical contact.  Or one loves touching but not in public, which makes the other feel rejected.  And then of course issues arise where one partner wants “to go further” than the other, at least at that particular stage of the relationship.  Know what you want and need in these areas, and speak up about it.  You’d be amazed how many problems that’ll solve.

 

 

Then this next bunch matter when you actually become a couple – even if just for a short time.

 

  1. HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE TREATED? I know, that sounds vague.  But look at the couples around you.  Some are so kind and gentle with each other, and never say anything sarcastic.  Some tease a lot.  Some are always talking about each other or referring to each other, while others feel better not doing that, and just knowing the other is there for them.  Some like to fight and then make up, while others only complain in very careful soft language.  All are fine.  But who are you?  I see so many – just as an example – young women who say they want to be treated with chivalrous kindness, and then choose Bad Boys every time.  So be honest about yourself – for example, I don’t like dogs attacking me, but a little playful biting is fun!

 

  1. WHAT’S THE WORST FEELING FOR YOU? I’m not asking about your greatest fear necessarily, but rather something you actually experience.  For example, I hate being left alone, I hate baths, and I hate feeling I’ve hurt someone I love.  Now all those do happen at times, but I’m sure glad I don’t live with a person who’ll leave me alone for a week at a time, or give me a bath every day, or scream at me that I’ve ruined his life!  So if what feels worst to you is being ignored, you probably shouldn’t date the super-ambitious student working 20 hour days to get perfect grades, while on a top sports team, and working three jobs to pay bills.  They’re a great person, but likely not what you need.

 

  1. WHAT’S THE BEST FEELING FOR YOU? How often do I see someone who loves, oh, for example, singing on stage.  And they pair up with someone who finds that dumb or cheap, and wants them to stop doing it.  WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?!  Don’t choose someone who won’t tolerate what you love most, or you’ll have to make an awful decision, choosing between them.

 

  1. HOW DO YOU DEFINE FAITHFULNESS? Do you feel cheated on if your boyfriend or girlfriend is talking to someone else?  What about if they hug them?  Kiss them?  Date them?  There’s no right answer to this – what matters is what you feel.  Be sure to date someone with a definition similar to yours.  Otherwise it’s just guaranteed to be a mess.

 

  1. WHAT DO YOU NEED RESPECTED? Imagine if a great athlete met someone she was fully attracted to, they had great times together, all was fine… but that person felt that a career of playing sports was really pathetic and childish.  Imagine if you cared a lot about great art, and your partner considered that stupid.  There’s nothing wrong with having different interests – it’s really fun – but there are things you need respected in your life.  Maybe your family, or your job, or your hobby.  Don’t fill your life up with someone who doesn’t respect what you care most about.

 

  1. HOW LONG DO YOU WANT YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP TO LAST? Are you looking for a fun weekend?  A summer fling?  A full commitment?  You are begging for heartbreak and frustration if you haven’t thought about this, and aren’t expressing it to someone you date.  Make sure you’re on the same page.

 

Now if you’re after a short-term thing, maybe that’s all the questions you’ll need.  But if you’re looking at a longer haul…

 

  1. WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST? This might be different from the “respect” question I asked before.  Maybe you care a lot about the environment, or about culture, or life, or honesty, or God.  A long-term relationship is doomed  if the two people don’t share the same basic values.  This is different from having the same Opinions though.  For example, if you think all dog-kickers should be executed, you could have a happy relationship with someone who thinks they should only be jailed.  But you’re going to have a rotten time with someone who thinks they should be given medals.

 

  1. WHAT PLACE DOES RELIGION HAVE IN YOUR LIFE? This should be an obvious one.  Especially if you’re considering raising children.  If you are deeply devout, you should be with someone who is as well.  And if you’re a casual thinker about deep topics, it’s best you pair up with someone who feels that way too.  And definitely, if you’re an adamant Atheist, insisting there can’t be anything more than what we see, you’ll have a horrible time with a true believer.  You might find you’re able to enjoy someone whose religion is different from yours (though that’s not very recommended), but at least have the same attitude about it, and you’ve got a chance.

 

  1. WHAT PLACE DOES POLITICS OR PHILOSOPHY HAVE IN YOUR LIFE? Similarly, if you are planning on devoting a year to volunteering for a political campaign, life will be easier if you’re with someone who feels the same.  But if you don’t care much about social issues, then life will be easiest if you aren’t awakened every day with questions about how you feel about some argument you’ve never heard of!

 

  1. WHAT DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR? Remember my earlier question about how important it is that your partner respects what matters to you?  Well, what about the other way around?  Don’t bother dating someone who spends four hours a night playing video games if you think those games are idiotic.  Don’t date someone who writes romance novels if you find them boring, or beneath you.  Find someone you respect, whose interests you respect, and happiness is a lot more possible.

 

  1. WHAT TASTES MATTER? We all have tastes that matter to us.  So you’ve found someone who loves music, just as you do, but they find the rap you’re an expert on “just noise!”  Or they hear nothing in the classical music you treasure but “bedtime.”  Do you really want to live the rest of your life not blasting your favorite tunes out?  Or sharing your favorite books with your spouse?  Or crying at that favorite movie every year?

 

  1. WHAT LIFESTYLE MATTERS? Are you a vegetarian?  Do you like to keep the temperature in your home a little colder or warmer?  Do you like to spend a lot of time outdoors?  Do you love watching sports?  Do you like to play music loud?  Do your ears get hurt easily?  Again, the more you can determine of what matters to you, the better?

 

  1. HOW CLEAN AND ORGANIZED DO YOU NEED YOUR WORLD TO BE? It is hard  to live with someone who is either way more clean and organized or way less than you.  Sure you can disagree on some details (“I’ll keep the books in alphabetical order, if you do the daily dusting”) but overall it’s really a big deal that you’re happy and comfortable in the same sort of home.

 

  1. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? Do you want to retreat to a cabin in the woods and avoid civilization?  Do you want to work hard and get rich and live in high society?  Do you want to write a book or a symphony?  Do you want to become famous?  TALK about these things with that person.  Even if you never succeed at your goal, your trying it will either make your lives together heaven or hell.

 

  1. DO YOU WANT MARRIAGE? WHEN?  This one ought to be pretty self-explanatory.  If one of you wants it and the other doesn’t, we have a problem.

 

  1. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? WHEN?  Same exact thing:  This one ought to be pretty self-explanatory.  If one of you wants it and the other doesn’t, we have a problem.

 

  1. DO YOU WANT PETS? WHEN?  This one ought to be as obvious as those last two, but I find couples getting together without ever discussing whether their family should include a wonderful dog or a stinky cat or some pretty goldfish, or…  Come on, talk about it!

 

  1. WHEN DO THESE THINGS NOT MATTER? And in the end, it’s impossible to meet someone who’s ‘perfect’ for you in every way.  You’re going to have to compromise on some things.  What are the items here that aren’t really dealbreakers for you?  How would a person need to be in order for you to give up on those?  Really, they have  to want to watch that rom-com with you every Christmas?  You can’t  tolerate their goldfish?

This last one is hard, and you won’t know it till you’re in it.  But it is maybe the most important question here.  Because, when you know exactly what it is that you want and need, but have found someone so wonderful that you’re willing to give up on some of those… there’s a really good chance you’ve found The Right One.

 

When Handsome was looking in the pound for a new dog, he wanted someone younger than me, smaller than me, and with shorter hair.  But I won him over, and that was that.

So find someone that great, and start compromising.  There’s nothing better.  As that beautiful old song sings, “Then go to her side, and make her your own, or all through your life you will live all alone.  Once you have found her, never let her go.”

(Or him, or them, or it, or…!)

 

 

What to do when your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parents family reject you for having a handicap

Sneha asks: I was in a relationship. As I am handicapped, his parents rejected me. After that he apologized on behalf of his parents, but he left me alone after one month. I was ill so I contacted him again. He was talking with me nicely, but not casual, but again he started me neglecting me. I don’t know what to do.

Hi Sneha –

 

I get lots of letters from people in relationships with boyfriends and girlfriends who run hot-and-cold.  One day they’re friendly, the next day they’re distant.  And my usual advice to them is to talk to these people about it and tell them how it bothers you, and see if they change.  If they do, great; but if they don’t, I suggest they leave, because these people are showing them just the way they’ll continue to treat them in the future.

 

And my advice to you is the same.  But I’m extra-bothered by something else you say in your letter.  This guy was in a relationship with you, but his parents rejected you because you have a handicap?  What sort of jerks are they?

 

If a handicap makes you unattractive to someone, that’s sad but understandable.  But this guy liked you, was attracted to you.  And his parents said your disability made you unacceptable?  I think that’s crazy.

 

Has your boyfriend ever asked his father what would happen if his wife was in a car accident and became wheelchair-bound – would he divorce her for that?  Or has he asked his mother what she would do if her husband had a stroke and lost some of his speaking ability?  Move out of the house?

 

Love is a beautiful thing, and truly committed marriages are profound.  I don’t know where you live and what actual words your wedding ceremonies include, but I’ll bet they have some sort of concept along the lines of “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”

 

I live with a human who loves me like crazy.  And if I don’t do something stupid like get hit by a car while chasing a squirrel, I’m going to become either sick or old or both.  And I know my human won’t reject me for that.  He’s told me, he considers it a sacred duty, that he will stay with me until the very end, however that happens.

 

You deserve that too.  Of course I know there’s nothing “lucky” about your disability, but there is something lucky about how it’s shown you what your boyfriend’s family really is.

 

So if you break up with him, I’m sorry and hope you find someone else very soon.  But if you two try to work things out, I’d strongly suggest you get him talking about his parents’ values, and whether or not he shares them.

 

Because I’m REALLY  bothered by what they did!

 

All my best,

Shirelle

How to make a relationship work after losing a child

Positivevibes asks: The last 2 years have been a rollercoaster for me and my partner. We have been together for 3 years. All started off well – he has a 9-year-old son, and after we met I soon fell pregnant with our daughter. We found out she had a heart condition that was serious and affected her daily life. In the first 3 months of her life I ended up with postnatal depression as I found things difficult, and me and my daughter went in to a mother and baby unit. After I got better we soon settled in to being back home all together. Then when she was 8 months, my partner became unwell with bowel cancer. And when our daughter was one she went in for open heart surgery and was touch-and-go for 3 months. Remarkably she pulled through. During this my partner underwent chemo so it was a heart breaking time for all of us. In March they both were on the mend and things settled. But by this time, my partner and I were hardly ever intimate. Then, in September, our daughter died. We are both struggling with this. I do understand that his feelings are all over the place, but we have not been intimate for months. He only cuddles me when we sleep, we barely talk, and he only says “I love you” if I say it to him. I have tried so many times to talk to him about it all, but he won’t talk. He just says he does not know what’s going on with him and shrugs. Every time I ask him I feel like we end up in an argument. I am really struggling. I have been trying to lay off the subject as I feel like it’s pushing him further away, but I’m so lonely and I am an affectionate person – I need to feel loved; instead I feel so lonely – and it’s also making me feel unattractive (I have put on weight and I don’t look the same as I did when we met). I end up crying myself to sleep most nights. We are in desperate need of help. I just don’t know what to do any more. I can’t lose him as well.

Hi Positivevibes –

 

Normally, we dogs look at you humans as lucky.  You can drive around, you can shop at grocery stores, you can play video games… but your story reminds me that a human can go through tragedies that make us sound like the lucky ones.

 

Of course everything else you’ve dealt with sounds bearable to me; it’s the loss of your baby daughter that breaks my heart.  I know that’s a wound that can never be healed, for you or for her father.  I’m just so horribly sorry.

 

The trick, for anyone who’s undergone such a horrific loss, is to Continue reading

How to change your mentality to be happier

Sravani asks: I want to be alive with happiness, but I can’t because of my mentality. Sometimes it feels like I wanna to die but I can’t.

Hi Sravani –

 

You’re right.  The only way to be alive with happiness will be to change your mentality.  And there are lots of different suggestions out there on how to do it – and I’m sure most of them are right for different people.  But you wrote me, so I’ll tell you how we dogs do it!

 

First, look for what’s interesting around you.  There’s always something.  A smell, a sight.

 

Now, look for what’s beautiful around you.  And if there’s nothing that you see, can you change something to make it beautiful?  Put a picture up, or get a flower?

 

Now, listen for what’s beautiful or exciting.  And if you can’t pick up anything, put on some music you love.

 

Now, smell, or better, eat something you really adore.  Super yummy.

 

And then, sit back and think about all this.  You just experienced so many pleasures.  Things only you enjoy as much as you do.  And try to feel grateful for them. Regardless of what you believe or don’t believe in – just feel some gratitude for having seen a bird, and heard that Cardi B song, and tasted a pomegranate!

 

Now, do that as often as you possibly can.

 

And what you’ll begin to experience, as your mind (literally, the workings of your brain) changes, is the realization that there’s always beauty and excitement around.  Even when things really stink.

 

And the more you pursue these, and the more you share them with others, the happier your days will be.

 

Now sure, there’s a lot more to do – there’s growth and dealing with old pains and there’s learning and there’s passion.  But right now, I just want some simple basic joys.

 

I think you’ll find it works.  It does for my whole species!

 

All my best,

Shirelle

How to choose between two abusive boyfriends

Jingle_jangle asks: I’m a 17 year-old girl. Once I was very confident and self-dependent, but last year I was cheated on by my boyfriend and ended my 3 year relationship. It affected me so much it broke my heart. After that I met a boy and now we have been together a year. He loves me so much but I can’t forget my past and my ex. My relationship with my boyfriend is not in a great state. I try to make things right but I can’t. First I thought he was a great guy but I don’t think now . He abuses me, humiliates me about my past, and he doesn’t understand me. After so many fights and humiliations, the feelings are deteriorating . I don’t want to end my relationship with him but i also want to get my self-respect back .I don’t have friends so I don’t have anyone to talk to and get advice. Please help me!

Hi Jingle_jangle –

 

I often get questions where someone is trying to choose between two romances – one who’s kind and supportive, and one who’s not as nice, but more exciting.  That’s a tough decision!

 

But you’re in a different situation.  You’ve got two guys, both who have been jerkish to you in some ways.  The first one cheated on you, and the current one’s abusive and humiliating.

 

I want you to form a new romance.  I want you to fall in love with someone way better…  I want you to fall in love with Continue reading

What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you stay at parties you don’t like

Bubbles_101 asks: I walked out of my boyfriend’s Christmas party leaving him and our son, since I got totally angry at him. But before that incident told me that we would only be dropping by his friend’s Christmas party to say hi and drop a gift for a exchange gift event. I did say yes but I wasn’t expecting that we would be staying there for too long. Can you imagine being in a party where you only knew their faces but not their names, since you guys are not that close?! You look like a total idiot sitting in a corner while he is having fun. But to be honest I really don’t like his friends (group of friends that were created through groups, more like a gang). Since before I met him he was in a group where each member has a car of their own. They have issues when it comes to pride. It’s like they should be the main heroes of the stories. I did try to calm down but he keeps on telling me to take a bath when I have a lot of house hold chores to do. He knows that right from the start I already told him that I don’t really like his friends but he seems not to care. I even look like a babysitter on that time. So I told him that I would be going home and left. He was totally angry when he got home, like 3 mins after I got home. He told me not to behave like that. He also told me that if I wanted to leave we could have just left. How was I supposed to tell him that when he was having fun and a bit drunk? I don’t think he would like to leave just like that. Yes, I embarrassed him in front of his friends by walking out of the party, but I don’t care since, like I said, I don’t like them and I have no plans of getting to know them. I feel like he prioritizes his friends over me. I feel totally neglected.

Hi Bubbles_101 –

 

I’m going to say I think both of you are a bit at fault here, and that I think the solution is pretty easy, if you’re up to it.

 

When I was a puppy, my veterinarian wouldn’t allow Handsome to let me play with other dogs, because I was too susceptible to diseases.  Finally I reached the age where it was okay, and he took me to a dog park to celebrate.  I was SOOO excited!  Maybe a hundred dogs, all kinds of smells, it was heaven!

 

Oh, except, it wasn’t.

 

Not one dog there would play with me.  I was the friendliest pup in the world, running up to all of them, and they’d either walk away ignoring me or turn and snap, scaring me.  I felt so lonely and rejected.  Handsome tried to make me feel better by playing with me, but of course, I was used to him – I’d been living with him for months.  It was those pooches I wanted to want me.

 

But then, as he kept taking me back there, things changed.  I got better at knowing how to approach other dogs, and which dogs to approach.  And eventually I made some great friends I played just as roughly as I wanted with!  That miserable park became my favorite place in the world.

 

Now you’re not exactly in the same place I was.  I was all set to befriend those dogs, while you’re not so crazy about your boyfriend’s friends.  But feeling left out and rejected and lonely at a party – that part sounds just the same.

 

So if you’re ever in that situation again, I recommend Continue reading

How to help someone who won’t talk about their problems

Danish asks: Why is it we don’t talk about our problems with each other? The girl whom I love, sometimes I feel that she is in some kind of problem, but she is not sharing it with me because of whatever reason. But sometimes when I’ve asked her again and again she’ll share. She is that type of girl who keeps most of her emotions inside. I want to make her feel light by sharing her problems with me. I want to make her feel that I am there for her in her bad times. So what should I do?

Hi Danish –

 

 

This is one of those areas where we dogs have a great advantage over you people.  See, when we feel someone’s sad, we can just walk up and lay our head on their lap, and they’ll feel so seen and felt, and hug us and get all their emotions out.

 

But because you guys are so verbal with each other, you can show this girl the same empathy I do, but she’s suddenly feeling pressured – she has to tell you what’s going on!  And for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to do that just now.

 

So what can you do?

 

Well, I’ll suggest you do what I’ve heard my human Handsome talk about with other therapists, which is “Meet the Person Where They Are.”  If she doesn’t want to tell you what she feels bad about, or even admit that she does, let her have that right.

 

It’s great that you asked her about her feelings, but if she says she’s fine, then act as if she is.  But stay there, be with her, talk with her about other things – all to get her comfortable.  What you want is for her to trust you so much, to feel so good with you, that she finds herself starting to open up about whatever’s going on.

 

So in other words, you show up and see the sadness in her face.  You ask if something’s wrong.  She says no.  You smile, say okay, and you two go out to watch a football game.  You talk with her about your week, you tell her some sad things that have happened to you or your friends, you get her to laugh, you ask her about other stuff that isn’t so sad… and then over dinner, you ask “So what else has been going on in your world?”  And she suddenly blurts out, “My boss said she might fire me!” or “My mom called me a loser!” or “My best friend is sick and I’m scared it’s serious!”

 

You see what you did?  You respected her wishes by not asking more about what was wrong.  You talked about everything else.  But doing that got her comfortable enough to tell you what’s up.

 

Now then, of course there’s the other scenario.  Which is that actually she was feeling okay, she just had that look on her face because she’d been trying to figure out a crossword puzzle!  And your day is still wonderful, and she appreciates your kindness and fun.

 

But either way, it comes from you treating her with respect.  Meeting her where she is.  And allowing her to not feel pressured by you at all.

 

And if you can do that…  you just might find she starts loving you the way you love her really soon!

 

Best of Luck!

Shirelle

What to do when you feel bad

Sazuna6 asks: What do you do when you’re upset? What helps you the most when you’re feeling down?

Hi Sazuna6!

 

 

Well when it comes to this, I’m pretty much like any other dog.  I mope around, get listless.  I might howl or whine.  But mainly what you’d notice would be my lack of energy.  I’m normally full of excitement and eager to see what’s around the next corner.  If I’m feeling down, nothing seems all that interesting.  So why bother.

 

But you humans have other ways to deal with the blues.  Many which I think are great.  Like listening to sad music, or watching sad movies – just so you don’t feel so alone in your misery!

 

Some people also use substances to help.  Like drinking alcohol, or smoking cigarettes (yucch!), or what makes more sense to me – overeating what they call “comfort food.”  That’s fine, if you do it just a little.  If you do any of them a lot, they’ll mess your life up – often by making what was wrong worse!  Like, let’s say you feel bad because you’ve been messing up at school or work.  And then you start doing something that makes you more tired and groggy during the day – well you’re just going to do even worse at what you were bad at.  Or if you feel unattractive, putting on weight from lots of macaroni and cheese isn’t going to make you happier with what you see in the mirror!

 

But, again, if it’s in moderation (and I do suggest sticking with what’s legal in your community!!!), a little of that isn’t such a bad thing.

 

But the best thing you can do, by far, is what I do.  Go to Continue reading

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