Sneha asks: I was in a relationship. As I am handicapped, his parents rejected me. After that he apologized on behalf of his parents, but he left me alone after one month. I was ill so I contacted him again. He was talking with me nicely, but not casual, but again he started me neglecting me. I don’t know what to do.
Hi Sneha –
I get lots of letters from people in relationships with boyfriends and girlfriends who run hot-and-cold. One day they’re friendly, the next day they’re distant. And my usual advice to them is to talk to these people about it and tell them how it bothers you, and see if they change. If they do, great; but if they don’t, I suggest they leave, because these people are showing them just the way they’ll continue to treat them in the future.
And my advice to you is the same. But I’m extra-bothered by something else you say in your letter. This guy was in a relationship with you, but his parents rejected you because you have a handicap? What sort of jerks are they?
If a handicap makes you unattractive to someone, that’s sad but understandable. But this guy liked you, was attracted to you. And his parents said your disability made you unacceptable? I think that’s crazy.
Has your boyfriend ever asked his father what would happen if his wife was in a car accident and became wheelchair-bound – would he divorce her for that? Or has he asked his mother what she would do if her husband had a stroke and lost some of his speaking ability? Move out of the house?
Love is a beautiful thing, and truly committed marriages are profound. I don’t know where you live and what actual words your wedding ceremonies include, but I’ll bet they have some sort of concept along the lines of “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”
I live with a human who loves me like crazy. And if I don’t do something stupid like get hit by a car while chasing a squirrel, I’m going to become either sick or old or both. And I know my human won’t reject me for that. He’s told me, he considers it a sacred duty, that he will stay with me until the very end, however that happens.
You deserve that too. Of course I know there’s nothing “lucky” about your disability, but there is something lucky about how it’s shown you what your boyfriend’s family really is.
So if you break up with him, I’m sorry and hope you find someone else very soon. But if you two try to work things out, I’d strongly suggest you get him talking about his parents’ values, and whether or not he shares them.
Because I’m REALLY bothered by what they did!
All my best,
Shirelle