Join my pack asks: I’ve been in a marriage for the past five years, but most of the time our life is in problems based on our family surroundings. I want some respect from my partner’s family, but that is not given to me properly and he won’t give them up. I think he didn’t give priority to me, and this affects me and our relationship badly. What should I do?
Hi Join my pack –
I find this situation so sad. Why would a family not treat their young man’s wife with respect? Don’t they realize that you are part of their family now? One of them?
But in the end, I have to really take a hard look at your husband. Because he’s the one who chose you, and he’s the one who made the full commitment to you. So it’s his job to get them to treat you better.
I can relate to your situation. I was a pretty awful puppy (very destructive, always biting everyone and everything), and my human friend Handsome’s family developed some negative feelings about me. But he has always defended me to them, insisting that I’m “The Best Thing Ever,” and that they had to treat me well (and I did get better!).
But a bigger deal has been Handsome’s girlfriends. Some of them really haven’t cared much for me at all (I think they’re jealous, which is goofy!), and he’s been put in some really awful situations.
In one case, one of them literally asked him to decide between us – did he choose her or me? He loved her lots, had hopes of marrying her. But he realized something very dark and serious.
He realized that only one of us would ever (or could ever) ask him to make such a choice. So he chose the one who wouldn’t ask such an awful question. He chose me, and broke up with her.
And he’s never regretted it.
Now I hope your husband isn’t put into this situation, of having to choose between his family and you. But he should realize that he needs to talk with them, and get them to treat you better. Because he wants to have you AND them, forever.
And he wants you happy. Which you’re not. And can’t be, until he does this.
And my guess is that, if he really tells them how much it matters to him that they treat you right, they’ll change.
After all, they won’t want him having to make the awful choice Handsome was given!
All my best,