Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 Is it possible to fall in love with two people at the same time?

connie asks: Is it possible to fall in love with two admirers?

Hi Connie –

Oh absolutely it is!  There are many tales about it: Scarlett loved Ashley and Rhett, lots of the Greek gods and goddesses had no trouble loving more than one person (or god) at the same time… and think about that lady that Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney sing about in “The Girl is Mine.”  You know she couldn’t help but love both of them!!!

What does seem true, though, is that it’s very rare that a person can fall in love with more than one person in the same way.  Scarlett loved Ashley’s nobility and innocence, while also loving Rhett’s scalawag strength.  In fact, lots of people argue that it’s impossible to have all your needs met by just one person, so it’s best to, even if you’re married, have other people who you love and keep in your life, besides your spouse.

The tough part, of course, is what you Continue reading

0 How can teens and parents have a healthy relationship

Jtchelliah asks: how do teens and parents have a healthy relationship?

Hi Jtchelliah –

The answer to your question could fill an encyclopedia!  I would guess that around a quarter of the questions on the AskShirelle website are about this general subject.

I couldn’t begin to give you a decent answer to it, because of this, but I can direct you to a lot of pieces about it.  First, look to the right of this page, where you’ll see a list of Categories.  One of them is Continue reading

0 What makes a motivated student lazy?

Achu asks: I am too lazy in studies. Though my exams are approaching, I’m always sleeping – but I dream of getting rid of my easygoing nature and finding success in life. What should I do?

Hi Achu –

There’s a big word for the situation you’re in, and that’s “Incongruent.”  If you’ve studied geometry, you might know that word – Congruent triangles have all the same angles as each other, for example.  But in psychology (Handsome knows and tells me all this stuff – all I’m an expert in is squirrel hunting and making people happy!), Congruence means that each part of your mind works well with the other parts.  Someone who really wants to be a perfectly behaved child but is scratching bad words into the furniture is not Congruent!  Someone who hates everyone and behaves rudely might be a rotten person, but he is Congruent!

So you, who have great trouble motivating yourself to study, but dream of being a hardworking success, are… not a bad person at all, but Incongruent.  Our job here is to get the two sides to work together.

I often find that, especially when it comes to schoolwork, this problem can come because the person aims too Continue reading

0 How to handle a friend who’s jealous of your other friends

emily rose asks: I have a ”friend” in my school who is jealous of me being friends with someone else and she’s always making fun of us and tricking us into doing stupid things and making us feel bad about our selves (but she is mostly hurting my friend). What should I do?

Hi emily rose–

Jealousy is such a lousy feeling, both for the person who’s feeling it and the person who it’s about.  Of course some mild jealousy is all right, and even can be fun (married humans say it can keep a romantic spark going), but what you’re describing isn’t fun at all.

I think the best thing about your letter is the quotation marks you put around the word “friend.”  Not that she doesn’t care about you, even to the point of devotion, but that she’s not doing a good job of being a friend right now.  Instead she’s being Continue reading

0 What’s a good gift to give parents?

Serena asks: I’m kinda crazy thinking of what’s the best farewell gift for my parents. I’m 12 years old please suggest to me the cutest gift I could give.

Hi Serena –

Well the cutest gift is always a puppy!  But I don’t know if that’s what your parents would want right now.

What I’m not sure of is who’s leaving whom!  Is the farewell gift because you’re going somewhere on a vacation, or because they are, or is it that you or they are actually moving away from the other Continue reading

0 How to handle rejection

Amethyst asks: How does one handle rejection, especially as a teenager? And please could you give me stories of other teenagers that have overcome both rejection and depression?

Hi Amethyst –

The honest truth is it never feels good to be rejected.  I’m a really friendly pup, and I want to be friends with just about everyone I meet.  And I get rejected so often.  Maybe because someone’s scared of dogs, maybe they just don’t like us, and maybe they love dogs but are wearing black and don’t want me to shed all over them (I can’t help it – I don’t do it on purpose!).   Whatever it is, it hurts every time.  And when it’s someone I really care about, oh that’s like a knife in the heart!  The times when I’ve run up to Handsome and he’s been angry to see me (probably because I’d climbed over the fence and run across the street) I will never fully recover from.

On top of that, when you’re a teenager, you care more about acceptance from your peers than at any other time in your life.  So the boy who doesn’t call again, or the girl who is offended by your goodnight Continue reading

0 Should one be in a relationship with someone who plans to end it soon?

Pallas asks: A friend of mine is in a relationship but lately her boyfriend seems to be avoiding her. She talked to him once and asked him if he still loved her. He said that he only loves her 30% and that he’ll break up with her on their first anniversary because he doesn’t want to hurt her anymore. But she doesn’t mind getting hurt because of their relationship. She has always loved him so much even if he wasn’t giving her any freedom. I really want to help those two, but I’m not really good when it comes to solving relationship problems. Please help me, Shirelle.

Hi Pallas –

Well it’s very fitting that you’re the one who’s trying to have the clear view here.  For those readers who don’t know, Pallas is another name for Athena, the Greek goddess of Wisdom.  And it seems like Pallas is being very Athena-like in this relationship!  (Does that make me the Oracle of Delphi?  I have to say, I am the luckiest dog in the world!).

Okay, so here’s my wisdom:  What in the world is Continue reading

0 What to do when friends are jealous of your success

Serena asks: In school my friends always try to avoid me because I’m better than them in studies and everything. What should I do?

Hi Serena –

Before I answer your question, I want to ask you one:  Are you sure that that’s why your friends are behaving this way?  If so, they’re being extremely petty.  So you might want to see if there’s a way to find out if something else could be going on – if they’re avoiding you for something you didn’t even realize you’d said, or because they’ve decided you’re not wearing the cool brand of shoes or something!

But if you’re right – this is ridiculous!  Your friends are acting out of meanness and jealousy.  And my advice to you is simple:  Keep doing what you’re doing in your classes, and find better Continue reading

1 How to let someone who’s attracted to you down easy

Herbert13 asks: I am 13 and I have had lots of boyfriends but this time I don’t know what to do! There is this boy at school that I find really annoying and today he asked me out. At first I thought he was joking but then when I properly looked at him I saw that he wasn’t. I don’t want a boyfriend and I don’t have feelings for him, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I tried asking my friends but they just joke about it. What should I do? Please help.

Hi Herbert13 –

The simple job you’re after is to Let Him Down Easy.  It’s a common problem, and one that’s been around forever.

There are a lot of ways to do this, and most are just awful!  Telling him you want to be friends (when you don’t) just sets him up for more disappointment.  Trying to avoid the topic and wait for him to move on will leave him hanging in pain.  Harshly rejecting him will make him feel ashamed for having dared to Continue reading

0 What to do when your child steals

Bhing asks: I am a working separated mom. I’m worried about my son’s behavior. Whenever he sees money he cannot be honest with it. He is into computer games and because I do not want him to focus his attention to it I kept my valuable things where he couldn’t find them. But the next thing I knew, he still found them (I do not know how he does it). I worry that if I can not do something about this, it will affect his future (and I do not want my son to be embarrassed in front of other people, or at worst go to jail if this gets worse. I love my son and I just want the best for him. I have tried so many strategies, including spanking, just for this behavior not to get worse. Please help me. I do not know what to do.

Hi Bhing –

There’s a word for this, and it’s “Unacceptable.”  Kids misbehave in lots of ways that their parents have to deal with, but a few things go beyond the norm in that area. It’s like when I was a puppy – I might chew some things up, might make some messes, and Handsome just had to work with those.  But one time I nipped at him in anger, and he BLEW!  Jumped onto me, turned me onto my back, yelling in my face – exactly the right way to dominate a puppy, and teach it to never ever ever do that again.  Lesson learned, all fine.

For a human to rob is like a dog biting.  Eventual grounds for Continue reading