Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 What can a child of an unhappily-married couple do to help their parents?

Hachiko asks: My parents are married to each other but they don’t love each other. And maybe that’s why I cry sometimes. What should I do? They’re just married because in our country people have to get married (love ‘em or not).

Hi Hachiko –

The situation you’re describing is very sad.  And sad for everyone, not just you, and not just your parents.  It’s very common too.

When people get married, they almost always either feel in love with each other, or feel good enough about each other that they believe they’ll feel more love as time goes by.  And as we all know, that feeling almost always changes over time.  And when it does, they can either split up (through separation or divorce), or work on improving the relationship, or just stick with each other with no improvement.  As you can probably imagine, I like the Continue reading

2 How to deal with someone else getting everyone’s attention and interest

Arjai101 asks: This guy at school just really gets on my nerves because everyone acts like the world revolves around him. Example: I compose my own classical piece on the guitar and it took me weeks nobody gives a care, he repeats the exact same punch line/ joke for the millionth time EVERYONE CARES. It’s like everyone cares about him at school and nobody notices anything that I do even if it took me forever whether its writing, basketball, chess, music I feel like no one at school gives a care. My friends are slowly drifting away and I feel like I have nothing to hold on to. He is ruining my life! He just dominates everything, so everyone cares. And it really hurts a lot. What should I do? I feel like I’m just drowning and there’s nobody here to save me.

Hi Arjai101 –

It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a very odd concept called Charisma.  Some people have tons of it, and others have little or none.  Charisma is that quality that makes someone exciting, attractive, and super-relevant to others.  All successful politicians have it; most movie and singing stars have it; and super-popular kids in school definitely have it.

What causes Charisma?  Well, good looks help, but some charismatic people aren’t wildly beautiful.  Intelligence, strength, and accomplishment help as well, but also aren’t absolutely necessary.  It really seems to be a mixture of a number of qualities.

But I do think there’s one quality that Charismatic people always have, which is a healthy (or unhealthy) level of something called Continue reading

1 Why do teenagers pull away from their parents?

Mamathato asks: My son is 13 years old, and he has become sensitive about some stuff. For example, he told me not to call him in front of his friends a lot, because I am embarrassing him, and his friends call him mommy’s boy.

Hi Mamathato –

I don’t know if this will strike you as good news or bad, but here goes:  You son’s behavior is 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY FULLY SUPERLATIVELY… Normal.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that, if a teenager hits age 18 without having behaved the way your son is acting, there’s something wrong.

The job of a child is to bond with their parents or caregivers, and learn to live life based on how those adults act.  The job of a teenager is to differentiate themselves from those parents, and begin to live life on their own Continue reading

1 Should you change schools if you’re not making friends in yours?

Hachiko asks: I want to change my school. Not because of it being an all-girls school, but because I can’t make any good friends here. Studying quality is good but I want to go to this other school (combined), because I have many other friends there. My mom thinks I shouldn’t go and my dad says I can go if I want. What should I do? I read in combined schools earlier, and I also read in this school when I was small, but because of my dad being in the army I had to change schools. I’m going through depression because of my school (I think), and my parents don’t actually care (they say they got problems of their own). I know they love me, but feeling alone is sad. And the studying pressure is also a bit more in the school which makes me go through mental depression as I get no time for myself 🙁 no time for hangouts and the studying pressure in that school is less. And also let me say that I don’t know why, but combined schools are also a lot of PRESSURE because of the boys if you know what I mean!

Hi Hachiko –

When Handsome first took me to a dog park, I was six months old, and as playful and hyper as any puppy ever, and was overjoyed to run up to all the dogs there and make friends… and not one wanted to play with me.

Why?  Well, partly because some of them had special friends they wanted to play with, and didn’t need a new pal.  Also because some of them simply didn’t like to play with anyone, or were older and found puppies annoying!  But also, in some cases, they saw that I didn’t really know how to play the way they liked, and wanted me to stay back and observe them, and learn their rituals and rules.

Now today, I understand all that.  But on the day itself, I was devastated.  My veterinarian had told Handsome to keep me out of parks like that till I was this old, for disease prevention, and I had just hated not being able to play with lots of dogs.  So my hopes for this day were gigantic, and being spurned by the other pooches made me feel worthless and Continue reading

0 How can parents protect their children from online pornography and predators?

Grimes asks: I am so worried. I have just seen my 14-year-old daughter’s phone, and the things she has been up to have turned me grey overnight. She has been on chat rooms claiming to be 18 and having very sexual texts with the men on there. She has been looking at all kinds of adult material on the web. I am so worried that after the material she has seen and the things she has said, she will have a very dark idea of what sex is about. We have taken all devices out of her bedroom and blocked all sites. This came as a massive shock – the things she was saying as she acts very young for her age fooled me in every way. I have stressed the danger of what she is doing, but I’m finding it hard to look her in the face. Please help!

Hi Grimes –

There are problems that parents have faced ever since societies began.  Infants wander off, children have tantrums, teens rebel.  Most of the issues I talk about on this site are universal and eternal, like these.

But families today have a particular issue that no one ever dealt with before, which is the incredible technology at the fingertips of youth.  There have always been predators, but computers and cell phones give them so much easier access to kids.  Teens have always been curious about sex, but these devices make it impossible for them to learn only the things you want them to, or for communication to be controlled.  I am not an alarmist, Grimes, but you are absolutely right to be as frightened and concerned as you are.  The giant question is what Continue reading

0 How do we know if online offers are real?

my sweet heart asks: At times when you are face booking you come across an email message informing you that you have been awarded a prize lets say by Mercedes Benz company, in the Mercedes Benz promotion and you have to contact the bank where your prize have been deposited. And in the process of claiming your prize the internet fraudsters crops in falsifying the information that you have to pay them some charges for delivery of parcels into your local country. Do you think this is possible?

Hi my sweet heart –

I don’t know any specifics about this particular issue, but I can say that the internet seems to have provided scam artists more opportunities than they’ve ever had before, to do all sorts of shady deals on people.

If it becomes a big deal (which I would think it would be if it were on Facebook,) there’s a site I’m a huge fan of, that is worth checking out.  It’s www.snopes.com.  It’s a site dedicated to checking out the Continue reading

0 How to help a friend who’s drawn to the same sort of guy who’s hurt her before

sazuna45 asks: A friend of mine went through a bad breakup two years ago. Her ex (who happens to be a ‘bad guy’ in the most decent language) dumped her on the phone and started dating another girl on the same week! (What an idiot!) Anyways, the problem is, my friend can’t move on. She got asked out by another guy, but she said she needs some time and she’ll answer him later. That guy is better, and he’ll probably take care of her, but he’s also a player. Better than her ex, but still a player. She shouldn’t say yes but she thinks she can move on if she dates another guy! I promised her I’d give her advice before she gives her answer and so I need suggestions from you. Can you please give me some advice? 🙂

Hi sazuna45 –

You know, the more I look at humans, the more I respect many things about them, but also, the more I find some aspects of them really silly.

Now I understand that if I get a chance to eat four pizzas in one night, I’m going to feel really bad in the morning, but if I get another chance to eat four pizzas I’m going to do exactly the same thing!  But when it comes to relationships, I take care of myself better than that.  I tend to run up and jump on people and assume they’ll like it, but if one of them kicks me, I’m going to avoid that person from then on.  And if I sense that someone else is going to be just like them, I’ll tend to avoid them too.  I don’t mean that it’s a great idea to be prejudiced about people, but I do believe in paying attention to what’s really Continue reading

0 What are a teenager’s options if they realize they like someone who likes them?

arjai101 asks: There’s this guy who seems to like me, and I think I like him back. Only thing is I don’t know how to deal with the situation now that I know what I want. I’ve never had a boyfriend before and my schedule is pretty hectic. I know it seems like I’m avoiding it, but its only because I don’t know what to do? How should I approach the situation, and what are my options?

Hi arjai101 –

Your question is a gigantic one, and a very smart one.  So many teens rush into relationships, thinking that they need to act like they know what they’re doing, when they don’t at all!  You’re being very smart.  You “think” you like this guy back, and you don’t know what to do.

So my first advice is… stay cautious!  I don’t mean that there’s any reason to fear him, but just let things take their time.  He’s showing you he’s interested, so give him the chance to Continue reading

1 How to get someone to stop pursuing you

Crystal asks: There’s a man who has been crazy in Love with me for about five years. I don’t feel anything for him, and I don’t want to. He is good at studying and can say is a good guy, but he is not my type. He is one year my senior and we are in same grade in high school. He is poor and we have different religions. Furthermore, he said he can’t stop this and thinks he’ll feel it forever. Whenever he sends a message to me, I have always ignored it because I’m getting bored with this. What should I do?

Hi Crystal –

This is very hard for me to say, because I am a hugely romantic-minded dog, and love the idea of forever-romance.  But the fact is, this guy is wrong.  His feelings for you will not last forever.

Look, I’m a dog, and no one loves stronger and more passionately than we do.  But if we like someone who consistently ignores or rejects, or even lashes out, at us, we’ll eventually stop being interested in them.  And similarly, if we have an owner we love enormously, who sells or gives us away to someone else, we’ll learn to love those new owners in just that way (though it might take a long time), and kind of forget our first ones.

Now humans have much bigger brains than we do, which makes you smarter and more stubborn!  So I’m not saying that getting this guy to move on in his life will be as easy as it would be if he were a Schnauzer.  But the truth is, he will move on.

Your job is to find ways to make it happen Continue reading

2 How to handle friends who show affection through insults

teenunchained asks: My friends are really cool and I love them so much, and it makes my dad happy cause he doesn’t think I’m antisocial anymore. But, my BFF’s show “love” by being mean and calling names. Bad things. I can’t eat without being self-conscious. I cry almost everyday. I want to be their friend because that’s how they are “loving” but it still isn’t nice, what should I do?

Hi teenunchained –

You’ll probably have noticed that not all dogs are alike.  Even though all us pooches want to be loved, some will run up and jump on you and cover you with kisses, some will stand there and wait for you to pet them, some will shy away in fear that you’ll hurt them, and some will see you as a threat and bark or even bite at you.

Similarly, although all people deep-down want friends, they’ll show and receive friendship in very different ways.  Some people show affection through complimenting each other a lot, some show it by relaxing with each other and not acting on any need to say anything, and others do it by trading humorous insults.  No one is correct, or better than the others; it’s just that different people are Continue reading