Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 How to keep someone interested in you

Mandhie asks: A boy I’ve been interested in has started showing interest in me! Can I have some tips on becoming a girl he will never go a day without thinking about?

Hi Mandhie –

Well, the fact is he’s interested in you already.  So you’ve done the hard part.

There are lots of experts and websites and books that will tell you certain manipulative tricks, to make a boy interested, or keep a boy interested.  But I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never done any of those, and I’ve kept the most wonderful guy in the world interested in me for years!  And how have I done it?  Two ways.

First, I have been honest.  I’ve been myself, pursued what I wanted, and expressed my feelings.  I’ve never lied.

And Second, I’ve Continue reading

0 How to handle betrayal from a friend

LilChen asks: My best friend told me that we would be best friends forever, along with our other two best friends from other countries, but then she told me last Wednesday that she never wanted to be my friend since we first met, and she only did it for one of our best friends in the other country. I feel so betrayed and worthless, I followed her everywhere and did all the things that would please her including stealing and talking behind others’ backs, and I feel so sad that everything I did was just a waste of time. I finally had enough and cried yesterday at school, but hid in the girls’ restroom with the help of another friend. I still cried even as I went home, and my family knows I cried too, but that girl and my family don’t know why I cried because I refused to tell them. I didn’t want to tell someone that I know because I know they’ll blame it on my ex-best friend, and I don’t want her to get more mad at me. I don’t want to go to school on Monday. She’s also turning all our other current best friends now against me, and the worst part was that she also turned our best friend from the other country against me. Some people told me before that she was a bad influence on me, but I didn’t listen to them. My current best friends are fading, and I’m so scared of being alone. I would like to at least transfer to a different school and city so I can start a new life, but I’m scared to ask my mom and dad (their work and friends are here). Maybe I could move to my aunt’s place in a different city, or have home-school. I was planning to cut myself or get sick, just some injuries to get me out of school. She betrayed me and left me, she told me she wouldn’t talk anymore to anybody but she lied. She only didn’t speak to me. What should I do?

Hi LilChen –

Wow, this is SO PAINFUL!  I think betrayal might be the most painful emotion anyone ever experiences, and this girl REALLY betrayed you!

And here’s the big point, LilChen, it’s one thing when someone is selfish, manipulative, sneaky, two-faced, or all sorts of other stinky qualities.  But she’s something else – she’s being really Mean!  Her acts toward you are just shocking in their cruelty.

And because of this, she actually makes it much easier for me to give you advice.  Which is to Continue reading

0 What to do about Depression

sadgirl28 asks: I have been suffering from depression for months now. I have seen a psychiatrist and he prescribed some anti-depressant meds. Remeron, to be specific. But I stopped taking it because I don’t think it is helping me. I think the only thing thing it did was to make me gain a lot of weight, which added to my depression. Right now, I cannot find any refuge with anybody. I am so depressed that I am thinking of taking my own life, only I am afraid to take that thought in action. I really need some help. By the way, I am a nurse and I suffered from substance abuse; I was working in ICU before as a head nurse, and was caught but the hospital administration did not terminate me but transferred me to another department where I don’t deal with patients. I am thankful but not happy about it. I guess there’s really some problem with me. I hope you can help me.

Hi sadgirl28 –

It sounds like you’ve got a case of real, serious, clinical Depression (which is very different from the ‘feeling down’ we all go through at times, or the depressions people fall into when they lose something or someone they love).  There are lots of suggestions I can recommend for this, but two are way way WAY above the rest.

The first is that you should go back to your psychiatrist (or another one), and explain that the prescription you had before didn’t do the job.  You see, there are certain medicines that work for everyone.  For example, if I get a case of worms, there are pills the vet can give me that will get them out of me, just like any other dog.  But psychiatric medicines don’t work that way.  Everyone’s brain is slightly different, so medication that eases Depression for one person might not do the same for another.  Because of that, while that psychiatrist took an educated guess that a particular dosage would work for your Depression, the fact that it didn’t just means that they should try something else; its lack of working well doesn’t mean the doctor doesn’t know what they’re doing, and it definitely doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try some other medication to help.  There are lots of antidepressants out there.  With a few tries, there’s a really good chance you’ll get something that helps out a lot (and hopefully doesn’t cause the weight gain again).

The second major thing I most recommend to you is a Continue reading

0 Should you date someone else while you wait for the right one?

Mandhie asks: I am 16 years old. I know this scientific thing that, as a teenager, you are supposed to feel the urge of having a boyfriend or girlfriend someday, but it is actually not love but lust. Shirelle, about this boy I always talk to you about – the one whose mum calls me daughter-in-law, and who I wish would hold my hand and all? Recently you remember I told you he was angry with me because I put our picture on Facebook; well, he later told me on my birthday that he was not angry and called me “dear!” That is the first sweet word he has ever said to me. He made my birthday by just that one word. We chatted and I was happy but then I sat down to think – why did he all of a sudden call me dear and act so nice? Shirelle, I have a feeling he is beginning to like me, and I never want to give up because I want him to be my boyfriend, and my husband someday. My friend told me, since I am not sure as to whether he likes me, I should get a date so that at least I will have some experience, but I told her no, because I hated the idea, and, as I already said, I want that guy to be the only boy in my life. So what can I do to make him like me more, and also stay closer to him? And meanwhile, is the scientific thing I talked about happening to me? Why do I feel like having a boyfriend now?

Hi Mandhie –

Okay, so this is good news! At last this boy is noticing you. The bad news is that I can’t exactly tell you what to do next, because it really depends on him. Some humans pull away a bit after being nice to someone, and then need to get some space. Others feel “Okay, I’ve let her know how I feel, so now I need her to respond in a way that shows me how she feels.” Probably the best answer is to do a mixture of the two – stay back, but if he looks at you, give him a smile back.

I’m not quite sure what your friend is after. Is she thinking that this boy might never ask you out, so you’d better have a date before you’re an old granny of 17? Or is she thinking that you’ll be more attractive to this boy if you’ve already gone out with other guys? Either way, I don’t see any big reason for you to go out with anyone you’re not interested in. Of course if a boy asks you to a dance, and you want to go to that dance, there’s really no reason not to go. But it’d surely be better if Continue reading

0 Should you move in with someone if you don’t like their family

Catlover29 asks: My boyfriend wants to move to Greece with his parents. They have land and want to build a house. I really do not want to go. I don’t like his mum – she is controlling, very stubborn, and does not listen to anyone. The problem is the house is due to be sold and therefore we should be due to leave in two months tops. I have told my boyfriend I don’t want to go, though I do love him very much, and he tells me he loves me all the time. He is telling me to just go and try to live there with him. I have thought about it and told him I would risk my own happiness for him. I just don’t know if I can do this! I feel miserable, and even thought at one point I wished I was not even here. We cannot afford to live on our own. What should I do?

Hi Catlover29 –

I certainly understand your concerns. I wouldn’t want to live with a controlling, stubborn, non-listening human either!

But my thought is that you should give it a try. Here are my reasons:

1)   Life is an adventure.   How many people get to move to Greece? If it doesn’t work out, you still got to go to live in one of the most amazing places on Earth. And if you move back home and start over – you could have done that by just moving across town; this is a lot cooler!

2)   You’d have to deal with his mother whether you Continue reading

0 How should one deal with the death of a parent?

mags asks: My mom died of cancer 3 months ago. I’m 16. Is it normal for me to only get sad when I am alone? What can I do when I get sad? This happens almost every weekend since she died.

Hi mags –

mags, I absolutely worship humans.  I think you’re the most amazing creatures ever.  I envy your brilliance, your imaginations, your inventiveness, and your opposable thumbs!

But one area where we dogs are lots better than you people is in accepting our emotions.  When we’re happy, we’re happy, and no one can take that away by shaming us into thinking there’s something wrong with that.  When we’re angry, we’re fierce, and while leashes and orders can hold our actions back, nothing and no one can take away our anger.

And when we’re sad, we’re just plain sad.  We mope, we whine, we howl.  We feel it fully, and it fills every molecule of our bodies, and every bit of our souls.  And I can think of nothing, NOTHING, that should make a person sadder than to lose their mother at such a young age.  I am so very sorry, mags.  It’s not fair at all.  It’s as sad as anything in the world.

You ask if it’s normal to only get sad when you’re alone.  That could mean two different things: are you saying that the sadness only comes when you’re alone, and not at other times, or that sadness is the only emotion you ever feel these days when you’re alone?

My answer, though, would be Continue reading

0 Is it okay for teachers and students to get involved?

lettersdontfade asks: Last year, I fell in love with a guy who’s 7 years older than me – and he’s my teacher. He doesn’t teach my class, but he’s one of the teachers at school. We chat through BBM, and I fell for him instantly. Then last January, school started, and we’re barely talking anymore. I try my best to keep in touch with him, but it doesn’t work. He keeps ignoring me. I tried to forget him and I did. I met one guy in June/July, and another guy in July/August. But after that, I still caught myself thinking about him. Oh btw, when no one’s around, or just me and one of my closest friends, he talks to me. If not, he’ll act like he doesn’t know me. Then last month, he texted me, asking me about some stuff. He’s gonna leave soon. I’m happy about it because we can talk again with no “teacher-student” labels. He said sorry about everything and suddenly we kept chatting until today. One day, he asked me if I’d said something about him, and I said “what are you talking about?” and he didn’t want to talk about it until a couple days ago. We got onto some serious things. I broke my promise, and even said I was sorry, but he seems to not want to forgive me, even though he said that he already has. I love him so much, but I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him? I mean he’s got a girlfriend and will leave out of my country soon. When he talks, I feel like he likes me, but I don’t know. I just wish I could be with him. Please tell me what to do.

Hi lettersdontfade –

You’ve probably seen on this site that I am a very friendly pooch.  I tend to love everyone, and try really hard to see everyone’s viewpoint, as I’m a big believer that people almost always do things for what feel like good reasons.

But every now and then, I get kind of angry.

The fur along my back starts to stick up, my ears pull back, my lips rise to show my fangs, and I start to snarl.  And if things keep going as they are, I cringe back on my haunches, and get ready to snap forward and attack.

It doesn’t happen often, but it’s starting to happen here.

You’ve done nothing wrong, lettersdontfade.  In fact, you sound like an absolutely wonderful, loving young human.  The sort I would love to get to know.

But I’m not feeling so warm and friendly to your Continue reading

0 Why are girls so mean to each other?

welpe asks: Why are girls so mean to each other?

Hi welpe –

This is an issue we hear about all the time these days. Movies like “Mean Girls” have brought this issue (which has existed forever) into the limelight, and recent news about social media has shown the danger of it.

What’s mystifying is just what you’re asking: WHY?!

We normally think of humans as sort-of split: Males are tougher, more likely to fight, while Females are softer, more nurturing, more likely to try to resolve issues kindly. Yet, while there’s some truth to that, humans go through a period, usually in early adolescence (say 12-15) when girls can be incredibly cruel, especially to other girls – right at a time when boys are often withdrawn and even passive.

What in the world?!

(I should add that we dogs are actually quite different in this regard. As adults, we females are more protective, fierce, even more likely to fight, than males. This has resulted in a certain word, referring to female dogs, that humans use very harshly – but I won’t go into that here!)

I can’t give you an absolute answer, welpe, but I will offer you three thoughts on it. Maybe they’ll help.

First, in human brain development, adolescence is a time when humans start to care immensely more about their Continue reading

0 Why do teenagers get depressed?

Tulla123 asks: Dear shirelle, I think I’m starting to go through depression. I think this because of my mum; at the moment she constantly hates me. I feel like I’m worthless and I don’t want to live with her anymore. Usually I would just ignore it, but I’ve got to the stage when I sit in front of the mirror and ask myself “who am I?” I’m only 12 and I don’t talk to my dad so I can’t move in with him. I’m worried I’m going to get to the stage where I want to kill myself. How can I stop this from happening?

Hi Tulla123 –

It sounds to me like you have two things going on at the same time.  And both of them are very tough.

The first is just what you say – you’re feeling unloved by your mother, and you have no relationship with your dad.  This is HARD!  No question about it!  I believe you’ll get through it just fine, but this is really painful and difficult… and UNFAIR.

My guess is that your mum doesn’t really hate you.  She’s just Continue reading

0 How to help a friend who’s an addict

pumpkin asks: My best friend is using illegal drugs. He once went to a rehab and was successful in overcoming his addiction. But few days back we had a big fight and he started doing drugs again. When I got to know this I tried my best to make him get out of this, but I’m no use to him. I have become hopeless. I don’t know what I should do to make him clean. He too, for me, tried to get rid of this addiction but he has become powerless. He has lost his strength. He now has no power over his addiction and he has admitted this thing! So he tries no more for it! He often thinks of suicide now. He can’t stand how he is hurting his loved ones. His heart is pure, but these drugs are ruining his life – and mine too! He does not want to go to rehab again; he says he’ll become mad over there if he has to stay for six months! I can’t see my best friend crying daily in front of me. He had good plans for his life, but now he has become hopeless. I want to do something for him. Please help me through this?!

Hi pumpkin –

This is a universal problem.  I heard someone say recently that, in my country at least, one out of every ten people suffers with some sort of addiction. This is simply awful.

You see, people often miss the point about addiction.  They say it’s fun to go have a drink, and so there’s nothing wrong with having fun.  I agree with that (as any dog would!).  But addicts don’t take their substances for fun – they take them because they lose their ability to not take them – even if they don’t want them.

So, for example, I love chicken broth.  I’d eat it every day if I could.  But that’s not an addiction.  But if I found out one day that eating more chicken broth would put my life in danger, would make me do awful things, and hurt or even damage those I love – and I still lapped up that broth, because I couldn’t keep myself from it… THAT would be an addiction.

Your friend is living through Hell on Earth, pumpkin.  And it is impossible for that to not be affecting you and anyone else who loves him.  This situation is so incredibly sad.  I am so very very sorry.

Your friend also gives a perfect example of the insanity of addiction, when he says that he’s thinking of killing himself because he feels so bad about how he’s treating his loved ones, but he won’t go back to rehab because he hates it there!  This makes no sense.  But addiction, by its nature, overrules the part of a person’s brain that cares about making sense.

So you are in this horrible position, and are asking me what to do, “to make him clean.”  I hate to do this, but I have to give you the worst answer in the world:

Continue reading