Mandhie asks: A boy I’ve been interested in has started showing interest in me! Can I have some tips on becoming a girl he will never go a day without thinking about?
Hi Mandhie –
Well, the fact is he’s interested in you already. So you’ve done the hard part.
There are lots of experts and websites and books that will tell you certain manipulative tricks, to make a boy interested, or keep a boy interested. But I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never done any of those, and I’ve kept the most wonderful guy in the world interested in me for years! And how have I done it? Two ways.
First, I have been honest. I’ve been myself, pursued what I wanted, and expressed my feelings. I’ve never lied.
And Second, I’ve loved him like crazy.
These might sound really easy, but they’re not. Especially for humans. You see, we dogs have smaller brains, and we actually don’t know how to lie. Now some dogs have been trained so much that they hardly ever act on their feelings, but that’s not me – Handsome has always kind of liked the fact that I’m a brat! So while he enforces certain rules, as long as I’m within those, I’m able to bark, chase things, jump on people, pull on ropes, all the things I’m inclined to do.
But you, my dear friend, have a far bigger brain, which can give you all sorts of really rotten information. For example “Oh I shouldn’t talk to him tonight,” or “Oh it’s really necessary that I talk to him tonight.” See, both of those are outside of what you personally want! But then it gets worse – your brain might tell you “He was talking to that girl at school today, so I know he’s in love with her. I need to call him right now, when he’s studying with friends for a big exam, and get him to tell me everything he’s feeling.” Or “He was talking to that girl at school today, so I’m not going to answer any calls or texts from him for two days.” All of these are AWFUL, and pretty much every human does them! You have no choice!
And when it comes down to the “I’ve loved him like crazy,” that’s tougher for humans, too. Once I fell in love with him, that was set in me permanently. But you humans, you fall in love one day, and then you start to think “I can do better” and look for someone else. Or you think “I’m in love today, but I don’t know if I can really trust him. So I’m going to start to test his love, by being really mean or annoying, and see if he sticks around.”
Yucch, Yucch, and Double-Yucch!
Then there’s a third difference, of course, which is huge. Which is that the day I met Handsome, I licked him and chewed on him, and he kissed my nose and petted me all over… and there was nothing physical that was ever going to happen later that didn’t happen that day between us. That, of course, is not the same in human romantic relationships! So if the boy wants to make out with you and you don’t quite feel ready, he might feel rejected; and if you want to and he’s nervous, he might feel overwhelmed. (Okay, I’ll admit, I felt a little overwhelmed when Handsome first scratched my tummy, but I got used to it quickly – because it felt so good!).
Clearly, there is no way you can have exactly the experiences I did, because of these three reasons. So here’s my suggestion – do the best you can.
– If you start to get bored in the relationship, try to come up with ways to make it more fun. Come up with an idea for a date that neither of you have done before.
– If you find yourself wanting to do things that you know will annoy him, don’t call him, just sit with yourself for a while and ask yourself why you’re doing it. If you think hard enough, and with enough honesty, you’ll probably come up with it.
– If you find yourself mistrusting him, ask yourself if that feeling is really legitimate. If he’s cheating on you, then leave him. If he’s doing nothing at all wrong, then relax and don’t let it bother you. But if he’s actually showing interest in other girls, then your best bet is to do what you know will get him interested in you again. Maybe dress a little better, or do some nice favor for him, or try giving him a little space. Whatever you think is right. But this is only if you’re really sure he’s looking elsewhere.
– And when possible, talk about things. Especially when it comes to the sexual stuff, it’s so much better to talk it out. People worry that it kills the romance – I disagree completely! What kills romance is when one person is terrified and shutting down. Honest conversation about what each of you want and what your boundaries are is WAAAAY better.
– And last but not least, don’t put too much effort into keeping him interested! If you do, then he will naturally stop trying to get your interest! Pay attention to your own life – your friends, your schoolwork, your favorite activities. Make him need to come to you. Not by being rude or distant, just by being honest and taking care of yourself. Truly, Mandhie, loving yourself is the sexiest, most attractive thing anyone can do.
Speaking of which, I’ve got a little flea wandering around my back, so I’m going to sit down and lick and nibble on myself until I can get rid of that pesky pest. And doing that will probably make me a bit cleaner and prettier too. Which just might make Handsome want to hold me a little longer when he comes home today.
Thanks, Mandhie. And GOOD LUCK!!!